In response to the Daily Encounter titled, “Cheaters Never Win,” one man whom I will call Fred wrote saying. “My wife left and divorced me. Now she is remarried. She has moved on. I’m in dreadful pain and can’t seem to move on. She cheated. I didn’t. She broke the rules. I didn’t. She’s happy. I’m not. She seems to have won. I lost.

It appears to Fred that his former wife won. However, Fred’s issue isn’t about her—whether she is a winner or not—as Fred can’t change her. For Fred the issue is about him and whether he chooses to stay a loser-victim rather than becoming a winning-loser.

And yes, losing love hurts real badly. There are few things in life more painful than rejection. When a marriage fails, it can be extremely difficult to see, but if one can see beyond his present circumstances, be still and listen with his heart, he will hear God’s wakeup call and see that God wants him to grow and become a much healthier and more fulfilled person.

The point is that what we see is what we will become. That is, if I see myself as a loser, a loser I will be. If I see myself as a winner, a winner I will be. As Jesus said to the blind men, “According to your faith will it be done to you.” And what is faith? It is visualizing or seeing what God wants you to be and, with his help, acting on what you see to make it happen.

As I said to Fred, “Your situation is God’s wakeup call for you to grow and become the person God wants you to be. This will take time, commitment, and hard work, but if you get into a good recovery program and work on your character issues and grow, you will become a true winner. To begin, ask God to face you with the truth about you, to reveal to you any and all character issues you need to work on, and to lead you to the help you need to recover and grow.

The fact is that in every loss, setback, and heartbreak, God wants to use it as a wakeup call for us to grow and become healthier, whole, and fulfilled persons. The choice is ours. Remember: With commitment, hard work and courage, what you see God wants you to be will be.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to look beyond my present circumstances and see with faith’s eye exactly what you want me to become. Show me what I need to do and lead me to the help I need so to be. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 9: 29 (NIV).