“Please help me,” a Daily Encounter reader asks. “Is it okay to ask God to send me a special someone/companion to share my life? And how will I know that God has sent this person?”

You can ask God for every desire of your heart as long as it is in harmony with his will. He hears all sincere prayers and answers them—not always in the way we want them to be answered, but always in the way that is best for us.

However, to be attracted to and find a healthy, mature adult we need to be a healthy mature adult our self. So the key is learning to pray the right prayer; rather than asking God to send you or lead you to the right partner, you need to ask God first and foremost to help you become the right partner.

The fact is that only healthy, happy, mature people find healthy, happy, and mature partners. If an immature, unhealthy, self-centered person asks God for a life partner, will God lead them to a healthy and mature person? Not likely. And yet I see people expecting God to do this sort of thing all the time.

In our Western culture at least, romantically we are basically attracted to a partner where our neuroses (unresolved personal issues) mesh and we call it love or falling in love. Often it’s pure passion and/or need. This can lead to real love, but the problem with falling in love is that once the passion subsides, if we don’t have anything deeper, instead of growing in love we’ll fall out of love.

So the important way to pray is to ask God to help you grow in maturity and that he will then lead you to a healthy, mature person. Furthermore, to grow in maturity takes strong commitment and hard work on our part. There’s no such thing as instant maturity.

And how will you know this person you want to marry is God’s choice? First, realize that the choice is yours. God will give you wisdom and direction if you truly want it, but he won’t make your choices for you. That’s your responsibility because God isn’t codependent. And how will you know this person and you are right or best for each other? To discover this I urge couples to seek not only God’s direction in prayer, but also wise competent Christian counseling where, besides intense counseling, both partners are given psychological tests before they ever say, “I do.” This is using your head as well as your heart in one of life’s most important and critical decisions.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please lead me by your Holy Spirit to see any areas of immaturity in my life that I need to resolve. Help me to find the help I need to overcome any such issues. And then please give me wisdom and direction in finding a healthy and mature life partner (and/or good friends). Furthermore, teach me to always pray the right prayers, ones that are based on truth and reality, and are in harmony with your will. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: For further help, read “How to Get Prayer Answered.” Click on: https://learning.actsweb.org/faith_prayer_answer1.htm.

1. 1 John 5:14-15 (NIV).