In one class I was teaching I asked the question, “What is the best way to handle temptation?” One jokester suggested, “Give in to it.” Bad answer!

In her poem, “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk—an Autobiography in Five Short Chapters,” Portia Nelson has an excellent answer:

Chapter 1:

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in. …

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2:

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again. …

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3:

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in; it’s a habit. …

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter 4:

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter 5:

I walk down another street.²

That’s an excellent way to resist the devil and avoid falling into temptation’s pit. An equally effect way when feeling tempted is to repeatedly pray: “Help Jesus help!” And repeatedly say either out loud or in your mind, “Jesus Christ is Lord. Jesus Christ is Son of the living God and is Lord of my life.” The evil tempter, Satan, hates these words and this prayer.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me always to stay focused on you so I can, with your help, resist the devil and not walk in the ways he would tempt me to take. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 4:7 (NIV).

2. http://www.lessons4living.com/sidewalk_of_life.htm

It is a truism that we don’t always act consistently with what we profess, but we always act consistently with what we believe.

If, for example, deep down I believe (feel) that I am unlovable, I will act in such a way that I will drive love away from me—regardless of what I profess. Also, if I believe (feel) I am a bad person, I will act badly. If, on the other hand, I believe I am lovable, I will act in a loving manner, and if I believe I am fully responsible for every area of my life, I will act responsibly. In almost every way our beliefs shape our destiny—for this life and the life to come.

Also, if I say I believe that people without Christ are lost eternally and don’t do anything to help communicate the gospel to them, chances are I may not really believe this in my heart at all. I just profess it. I believe it was Dallas Willard who said, “Believers are those who act as if the gospel is true.”

One way to “program” beliefs into our heart (the subconscious mind) is through repetition and memorizing them, meditating on them, and then acting on them to reinforce them. As we have emphasized before, “What the mind dwells on the body acts on.” If you don’t believe this, think how temptation works. David certainly confirmed this principle when he said, “I have hidden your word [God’s Word] in my heart that I might not sin against you.”

In a similar vein, the Apostle Paul wrote, “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved”² In other words, beliefs need to be in the heart—not just in the head!

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to hide your Word in my heart and choose my beliefs carefully—so that I will not sin against you—and so I will live in harmony with your will always in all ways. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 119:11 (NIV).

2. Romans 10:9 (NIV).

In much younger days I was working on a construction site and made a major mistake. I was scared to tell my boss. But when I did, he quickly put me at ease when he said, “Well, Dick, the fellow who never made a mistake never made anything.” And we fixed my mistake without any fuss or bother.

How different are negative people who are constantly looking for pegs on which to hang their anger, bitterness, and negativity. They complain about the weather, their boss, their health, and everything else they can think of to gripe about, and they never lack for ways to criticize others.

As John W. Stott said in his book, Christian Counterculture, “The censorious critic is the fault-finder who is negative and destructive towards other people and enjoys actively seeking out their failures. He puts the worst possible construction on their motives, pours cold water on their schemes, and is ungenerous towards their mistakes.” Not very flattering—to put it mildly.

Actually negative complainers are angry people. Instead of facing their anger and negative feelings realistically and resolving them, they project them onto others and express them in hurtful and destructive ways. They are not nice people to be around. So, whenever you and I are being over-critical, let’s examine our own heart to see what it is in us that needs to be faced, confronted and resolved.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of grumbling and complaining. Whenever I am tempted to criticize bitterly and have a negative attitude, help me to look into my heart and see why I am feeling the way I am. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Philippians 2:14 (Amplified Bible).

The story is told of two monks who had gone on a day’s journey. During the day the weather had become very inclement. On the way home that evening they had to cross a flooded fjord where a woman who needed help to get to the other side was waiting. Seeing her dilemma, one of the monks picked her up and carried her across to the other side.

Later that evening the monk who didn’t help the woman condemned the one who did saying, “You were wrong this afternoon helping that lady. You know that in our order we are to have no dealings with the opposite s-e-x.”

To which the other monk replied, “I carried her only across the stream. You are carrying her still.”

When we carry hurts, grudges, resentments, guilt, grief or any unresolved issues from the past and fail to let go of them, we contaminate our present relationships. As Cecil Osborne used to say, “Every unshed tear [and unresolved negative emotion] is a prism through which all of life’s hurts are distorted.”

True, we are to forget the past but we can’t until we resolve it. Repressing hurts isn’t forgetting them. All it does is bury them where they will take root, gather interest and come out in other damaging ways at a later time—either emotionally, relationally, physically, and/or spiritually.

We need to get all of these pains off our chest, express them in creative ways, forgive whoever has hurt us, and then let go of them. Only then can we truly forget those negative things which are behind, and get on with our life free of these encumbrances.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to resolve any and all unresolved issues from the past and let go of any hurt, anger, grief, fears, and resentment so I won’t take these things out on others, and so I will be free to fully live and fully love. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Philippians 3:13 (NIV).

“My son was divorced last year,” a distraught mother wrote, “after a very unhappy marriage where he was abused. He is now dating a much younger woman who, besides other serious problems, is into smoking pot, uses vulgar vocabulary, is hot tempered, and very impatient with her child. My son wants to marry this woman. It would be a disaster. What can I do to stop him?”

“Dear, Janine (name changed). Sadly, there isn’t very much you can do to stop your son marrying this woman if his mind is made up to marry her. The only people we can ever help are those who admit or say, ‘I have a problem. I need help.’

“I know it is difficult not to be judgmental, but it is important to realize that if you feel outwardly negative and angry towards this woman and try to stop your son from marrying her, chances are you will drive them closer together and you and them farther apart—and they will become united in their opposition to you. Your goal needs to be to love your son and this woman, while letting them know in a loving way that you don’t approve of her lifestyle or their relationship.

“What your son doesn’t realize (and this is always difficult for each of us to accept) is that all of us are as sick (or as healthy) as the people we are attracted to. So whatever his friend’s problem is, he has a ‘meshing’ problem. Obviously I don’t know your son, but my best guess is that he is super-codependent and is not aware that he is. If this is true, he would not realize that codependency is not love, but unhealthy need. Many people who think they are ‘in love’ are more ‘in need’ than they are in love. It’s a surefire way to disaster. You might consider purchasing a good book on co-dependency and tactfully ask your son if he would care to read it—but only after you read it first.

“In his first marriage your son may have been the abused one but he, in turn, was an ‘abusee’ in that he allowed himself to be abused. This is another sign of codependency. He may not admit it, but he urgently needs to get into counseling or he is heading for another disastrous marriage. Tactfully suggest that you think it would be wise for him to do this. This is because those negative issues we fail to resolve, we are destined to repeat.

“If you can assure him of your love no matter what, and ask him if he will also consider praying about this relationship, perhaps he may do so. Ask him to pray for truth—that God will first of all reveal to him the truth about what he may have contributed to the failure of his first marriage, the truth about the relationships he is currently in, and the truth about his friend. If he genuinely wants to know the truth, God will reveal it to him and, once he sees the truth, he will know what he needs to do.

“However, before you ask your son to pray about seeing the truth about himself, be sure to ask God to reveal to you the truth about yourself. If we want others to ask God to do this, we need to model it first for ourselves.

“Most importantly, ask God to help you to be ‘as Jesus’ to your son, and to his lady friend, and that they, seeing Jesus in you, will want the same for themselves.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, whenever I am in a situation similar to what Janine is in, please help me to love the persons involved, and give me the wisdom to know what to say, the grace to say it in love, and the courage to say it tactfully. And help me to be ‘as Jesus’ to all involved. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV).

“A few years ago John Hopkins University did an experiment with mice. The mice in the first group were held tightly in the experimenters’ hands so that they could not move. The mice struggled but were immobilized without being injured. Then after a set period of time, they were placed in a tub of water. They immediately sank, having learned that fighting was hopeless.

“The mice in a second group were held in the lab technicians’ hands less tightly. The creatures were given some hope of escaping the grip of the lab technician but without being actually free. After the same length of time, they were also dropped into a tub of water. These mice immediately swam to safety.”²

Life for all of us is filled with struggles and challenges. If, when faced with seemingly overwhelming challenges, we believe that we are unable to cope and thus without hope—we will be overcome. If, on the other hand, when faced with the same challenges, we believe that with endurance, stick-ability, and God’s help—and thus have hope—we will overcome.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that when I put my trust in you, no matter what curves life might throw at me, I have hope. And that, with your help, I will overcome and, as a result, be a better, healthier, wiser, and stronger person. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 9:29 (NIV).

2. Maxine Dunham, Perceptions: Observations on Everyday Life. Cited in Encounter magazine (ACTS Australia), Oct/Nov, 2005, p. 19.

“Dear Dick,” a Daily Encounter reader writes, “I am hoping you can provide some words of wisdom that I can use to help a friend whose 18-year-old daughter has become pregnant. The daughter had received a scholarship to a certain College but it has been revoked. I would appreciate any advice you can provide for this mother as well as the mother to be. I value your Daily Encounter. It has made a huge impact on my life and my relationship with God.”

“Dear Eileen (name changed),” I replied, “sometimes the best ‘advice’ to give to hurting people is not to give any advice but to ‘weep with those who weep,’ and to let them know that we care and that we love them.

“I did this for a friend recently who was hurting real bad … I just held him while he (a young adult) sobbed in my arms. After his pain subsided, we prayed together and I assured him that he was very much loved. He was dealing with some major childhood hurts that he had never resolved as well as the recent loss of his girlfriend.

“At least for right now this is probably the best thing the distraught mother can do for her hurting daughter … and perhaps the best thing you can do for your friend. Do remember, however, that when Jesus grieved, he wept too.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to develop a compassionate heart so that I will always be a friend who knows not only how to rejoice with those who rejoice; but also, how to weep with those who weep. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Romans 12:15 (NKJV).

In listening to an interview on a recent TV news commentary, the man being interviewed told how, immediately following his election, a current political leader had said that he was ready to rule. The interviewee noted wisely that politicians are elected to govern—not to rule! An excellent point to be sure. This brought to mind that some pieces of equipment have an inbuilt governor, a devise to govern the piece of equipment so that it doesn’t exceed its limit, go out of control, or break down.

When voting for our political leaders, it is imperative to keep this principle in mind. What we need are leaders who govern—not rule. The same principle applies to church leaders as pointed out in today’s word from God’s Word, the Bible: pastors, priests, and church leaders are to lead and never to “lord” [dictate] it over anyone.

The fact is, whether it be a pastor, a politician, a father, or anyone else who is rigid and legalistic, such a one has a need to dictate/lord/control others because of his or her insecurity. These people only feel safe when they are in control, and have their own way—this, of course, is a false security. When voting for and/or choosing leaders, be sure to know who you are voting for, what he/she stands for, and how they govern. Go by what they have done in the past and never on what they merely say they are going to do in the present and future.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me whenever I am in any kind of leadership role—be it minor or major—to never lord it over people to get my own way. Help me to be sensitive to others needs, listen to their input, lead by my own good example, and above all to lead as Jesus would lead. So help me God. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Peter 5:2-3 (NLT).

Unresolved anger can express itself in a score of destructive ways including resentment, a negative critical attitude, hostility and hatred. It causes all sorts of problems both to the angry person and to those on whom he dumps his anger.

Repressed it can become super-charged and cause the angry person to explode and lash out and hurt people—even murder them. Or it can cause a person to implode and ruin his physical health and destroy his relationships.

Unresolved anger is like an emotional cancer and you either get rid of the “cancer” or in time the “cancer” will get rid of you—one way or another.

Furthermore, angry people are forever looking for pegs to hang their anger on. Instead of facing their own reality, they are forever looking for faults—real or imagined—in others on whom to dump their anger and blame them for it.

So how do you relate to these people? Wherever possible it’s best to avoid them. If you can’t avoid them, exercise tough love and let them know in a kind way that there will be consequences (such as distancing yourself from them) if they continue to treat you in an angry, abusive way, either physically or emotionally.

If you happen to be an angry person, the first thing to do is admit it and then seek the help of a qualified anger-management counselor to help you work through and resolve your anger. Doing this will be one of the most loving things you can do for your loved ones and for yourself.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, if I am an angry person, please help me to see and admit this, and to find the help I need to resolve it so I can always maintain a loving attitude. And please give me the courage to lovingly confront any angry person in my life by letting them know that I will no longer allow them to treat me in an angry, abusive way, and that I will have to distance myself from them if they refuse to get the help they need to overcome their anger issue. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: See the article, “Taming Your Anger” at http://tinyurl.com/b439f.

1. Proverbs 29:22 (NASB).

Years ago, in my single days, I had just arrived home from work one evening and, as I was walking into the front door of my home, a simple but profound truth hit me: “The reason I feel empty is because I am.”

I have come to realize more and more that whenever I feel empty, it is because either my “God love cup” or my “people love cup” is running on low or empty.

It is true that we can live well without a lot of things, but we can’t live meaningfully without at least one close, loving relationship, and preferably several. It doesn’t have to be romantic love, but it does need to be at least brotherly love.

It has been said that there is a God-shaped vacuum in every heart that only God can fill. This is very true, but there is also a people-shaped vacuum that only people can fill. Both need to be kept topped up for total well-being and meaningful living.

I like to visualize my heart as a cup made up of two parts: One is a God-shaped half. The other a people-shaped half. Only as both are “fixed and filled” do I become a whole!

We can no more run on an empty love cup than our car can run on an empty fuel tank. We need to keep our God-love-cup filled by daily keeping in fellowship with God by living a wholesome life; by daily reading and meditating on God’s Word, the Bible; by maintaining an active prayer life; and in purposeful fellowship with other Christians. And we need to make sure we get our people-love-cup filled in healthy relationships, otherwise we may be tempted to get our love-cup filled in unhealthy and damaging relationships which can lead to an increase in our feeling of emptiness and, consequently, in time, become ill physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please fill my empty heart with your love and help me to get my people-love-cup filled in healthy ways—and help me to see what I can and need to do to meet both of these God-given needs. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Genesis 2:18.