While Jesus said we were to love our neighbor as ourselves, somebody else said, “Heaven help your neighbor if you hate yourself.” There’s a lot of truth in this statement. The fact is I can only love and accept others to the degree that I have learned to love and accept myself; that is, in a healthy sense.

How I see myself, what I think about myself, how I feel about myself, and how well I accept myself will largely determine what I get out of life. If I see myself as having little worth, I will never achieve my God-given potential. But if I see myself as having great value, not in a prideful way, but as God sees and accepts me, I will, with God’s help, be able to reach and achieve my God-given life purpose and potential.

Take a bar of iron and make it into nails and it will be worth a few dollars; make it into weight bearing posts it will be worth much more; refine it and make it into stainless steel pots and it will be worth even more; or refine it even further to take out all its impurities and use it to make finely tuned space age rocket engines and it will be worth a fortune.

Life’s like that. If you believe in yourself in a healthy sense, with God’s help and his “refining fire” (plus a lot of hard work), you can become the person God envisions you to be, and be able to fulfill your God-given life purpose.

What is important is not how or where we got started in life, but how and where we finish! We had no choice in the former, but we do in the latter.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to see and accept myself as you see and accept me, and put me through your ‘refining fire’ so that I will reach and achieve my total God-given potential for you glory. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Mark 12:31 (NIV).

You’ve no doubt read that if flies are placed in a jar with air holes in the lid, they will fly around frantically, banging into the lid, desperately trying to escape from their prison. However, if left there long enough, eventually they will stop banging into the lid. Later, if the lid is removed, they won’t even try to escape. Somehow they have been conditioned “to believe” that there is no escape. They just keep circling in the cramped jar.

Some of us are like that. Somewhere in our past, through a bad experience, perhaps in a bad marriage, or as a teenager or child we were hurt and have been “conditioned” to believe that there is no escape, so we are afraid to try again for fear of failure or of getting hurt again.

To overcome, one needs to acknowledge where and how in the past he or she had been hurt, express the hurt, anger and/or grief creatively if these feelings exist, and then let go of them so he/she can go forward into the future unencumbered by his or her past.

As Peter said, “So get rid of your feelings of hatred.”² Repressing or denying feelings doesn’t get rid of them. It only adds interest to them and makes things worse in the long run. Negative emotions need to be expressed verbally (or written out) in a creative manner. With grief we need to sob it out until it is all gone. That’s what tears are for. For some of us skilled counseling may be needed to help us re-connect to our super-charged repressed negative and damaged emotions, and to express them creatively.

Once this is done, forgiveness becomes possible, which we need to grant to anyone who ever hurt us. Only then can we be freed from the past and put it behind us. And then, if there is still fear of being hurt again, acknowledge the fear but choose not to allow it to control you. With God’s help step out and try, try, try again until you succeed in what it is you want to do, or better still, to do what you believe God wants you to do.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to resolve any hurts from the past that are affecting my life in any negative way, and help me to forgive any and all who have ever hurt me. And help me to seek forgiveness where I have hurt others, so I can put all these things behind me, forget them, and be free to fully live and fully love. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV).

2. 1 Peter 2:1 (TLB)(NLT).

Nine-year-old Al had disobeyed his father who, as a strict disciplinarian, sent him with a note to a police station in London. When Al came in late after curfew, his father met him at the door and handed him a note and said, “Take it to the jailhouse.”

Al was terrified.

“The officer, a friend of his father, opens the note, reads it, and nods,. ‘Follow me.’ He leads the wide-eyed youngster to a jail cell, opens the door, and tells him to enter. The officer clangs the door shut. ‘This is what we do to naughty boys,’ he explains and walks away…. The jail sentence lasts only five minutes. But those five minutes felt like five months. Al never forgot that day. The sound of the clanging door, he often told people, stayed with him the rest of his life.

“The fear of losing a father’s love exacts a high toll. Al spent the rest of his life hearing the clanging door. That early taste of terror contributed to his lifelong devotion to creating the same in others. For Al—Alfred Hitchcock—made a career out of scaring people.”²

True, discipline is important, but it always needs to fit the crime. Some children are impaired for life because of severe punishment as a child. Others are left terrified if they were beaten severely or abused. It is imperative that parents never discipline out of anger because that is punishment, not discipline. Discipline always needs to be in love.

Those whom God loves, he disciplines in love—not punishes in anger. We need to do the same with our children.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that when you discipline me it is always out of your love for me and for my good. Help me to do the same when disciplining my children. May it always be in love and never out of anger. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Revelation 3:19 (NIV).

2. From UpWords from Max Lucado, www.maxlucado.com

An issue of Our Daily Bread shares and incident in the life of English evangelist George Whitefield (1714-1770). On one occasion Whitefield received a very critical letter accusing him of doing something wrong. His reply was brief and to the point: “I thank you heartily for your letter. As for what you and my other enemies are saying against me, I know worse things about myself than you will ever say about me. With love in Christ, George Whitefield.”

Whitefield didn’t defend himself. Probably because he wasn’t guilty of doing the thing he was being accused of. We often get defensive when we are guilty, or if we are more concerned about our image than we are about pleasing God, or if we are insecure and need to appear “perfect” in the eyes of others.

The fact is, we are all sinners and we all have faults and make our share of mistakes. So, before we try to take the speck out of another’s eye, let us first, as Jesus suggested, take the log out of our own.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of a critical attitude that is constantly looking for a speck in another’s eye as a means of avoiding the log in my own eye. Please give me the willingness to see the log in my own eye, and make the changes in my life that need correction. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 6:41-42 (NIV).

In his book, The Transparent Self, Sydney Jourard explains, “When I say that self-disclosure is a means by which one achieves personality health, I mean something like the following: it is not until I am my real self and act my real self that my real self is in a position to grow. One’s self grows from the consequences of being. People’s selves stop growing when they repress them.”

The problem of hiding and repressing one’s true self, feelings and motives goes back to the first man, Adam. When he sinned he felt guilty and exposed, so he hid himself. When God called, “Adam, where are you?” Adam replied, “I was afraid so I hid.” Fearing God might condemn and/or reject him if he admitted what he did, Adam hid to defend himself.

Sin has the same effect on us all. Fearing rejection for our sins, failures, negative emotions, and false motives, we hide from God and then from other people. And, if we do this long enough, eventually we hide from ourselves until we no longer know who or what we really are. Personal growth then ceases and death as an authentic person begins.

To be fully alive and fully functioning, we need to be very much aware of the masks we hide behind and what we are hiding. Only when we face our reality; that is, our secret sins, dark side, and supercharged repressed negative emotions, and confess these to God and to at least one other trusted person, can we ever feel forgiven, free, and become authentic and real.

As they say in AA, we are as sick as our secrets. Also, it’s not the truth that hurts us but letting go of the lies; that is, letting go of the masks and defenses we hide behind.

There are numerous ways we hide to avoid facing our dark side and to medicate our pain such as the following: being too busy, becoming a workaholic or even a religious-aholic, or in other addictive behaviors. We use chemical dependency, intellectualism, theological rigidity, legalism, saccharine sweetness, an austere bearing, control of others, being a super-personality, codependency, and a score of other ways. Only when we stop acting out in these self-defeating ways and face our inner pain can we ever have a chance of overcoming what we are hiding from. As Jesus reminded us, it’s the truth that sets people free.² Hiding from the truth keeps us in bondage. Furthermore, living in denial can be deadly! It can destroy relationships and take years off one’s life.

The tragedy is that most of us will do absolutely anything to avoid facing our reality and feeling our pain. However, to heal it we need to feel it, admit it, own it, and bring it to Jesus, to a trusted friend and, if needed, to a qualified counselor for healing and recovery.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be real and connected to every broken part in my life, every unresolved issue, every buried emotion, and any block in me that hurts my relationships and stops my feeling and experiencing your love and affirmation at the very core of my being. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Genesis 3:9-10 (NIV).

2. John 8:32.

Have you ever noticed that common sense is not very common and that much of our reasoning is not always reasonable?

We have all sorts of reasons and excuses for why we say what we say and do what we do. And then there are the real reasons—the motives behind our choices and actions.

People come to discussions with hidden agendas. Some bully to get what they want. Others manipulate. Some even quote or misquote Scriptures to get things done their way. Whether this type of control is with a high and mighty hand or in a sweet, manipulative manner makes no difference. Both are equally dishonest and are destructive to personal growth, conflict resolution, and interpersonal relationships.

Common sense tells us that we need to avoid these and all other dishonest games. Being truthful can be difficult at times, but when our words are spoken in love, it is the only way to grow and develop healthy and intimate relationships.

While God doesn’t make our choices for us, he has, as noted in today’s Scripture passage, promised to give wisdom (common sense) to all who ask him. So wisdom is available if we will ask God for it and truly mean it.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me wisdom and discernment so that my life will bring much glory to your name. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 1:5 (NIV).

I am not an engineer but according to a report I read, in 1589 Galileo challenged Aristotle’s teaching. He invited learned professors to the base of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Galileo went to the top of the tower and at exactly the same moment pushed off a ten-pound and a one-pound weight.

Both landed at the same instant, but the professors still wouldn’t believe what they saw. They insisted Aristotle was right.

To move ahead in life and to grow—intellectually, emotionally and spiritually—it is important that we examine all our beliefs, test them, hold to the true and discard the false. Admittedly, this is much easier said than done, but done it must be if we are to keep learning and growing. Unless we are open to and willing to change, we get set in our ways and cease to grow.

We don’t read much about Apollos in the Bible but he was a contemporary of the Apostle Paul. He was a very gifted and educated man “with a thorough knowledge of the Scriptures.” But he only knew about John the Baptist’s baptism. So when Priscilla and Aquila heard him speak, they explained the gospel message to him more completely.

The end result was that Apollos was willing to listen, was teachable, made the necessary changes in his beliefs and teaching. As a result he became a “great help” to the church.¹

“When Priscilla and Aquila heard him [Apollos], they invited him to their home and explained to him the way of God more adequately.”²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please confront me with every issue in my life I need to be aware of, help me to be teachable, and give me the courage to make necessary changes in my life where needed. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Acts 18:27 (NIV).

2. Acts 18:26 (NIV).

How do we get out of this cycle of defeat?

Oftentimes there’s a deeper reason people keep putting things off. If this is so for you, ask God to show you the cause and work on that. In the meantime you can make a start by changing your self-talk. If you keep telling yourself that you are hopeless at getting things done on time, you will reinforce this belief and keep acting accordingly. Remember, what the mind dwells on the body acts on!

So, first of all change your self-talk by saying things to yourself like, “With God’s help I will get things done on time.”

Next, make a list of things to do today. List them in order of priority and tackle them one at a time. Make sure your list is realistic. If you list more than you can do, you will end up feeling discouraged and reinforce your tendency to put things off.

Third, set a positive goal. Make up your mind you are going to get each task done, giving yourself a realistic time limit in which to achieve your goal.

Fourth, plan your work then work your plan. Have a definite plan of attack and follow that plan. Take cleaning your house, garage, or yard for example. Imagine it to be a giant clock and start cleaning at the 12 o’clock position and keep working around the clock. Don’t jump from one room or corner or from one task to another until each section is completed. Keep to your plan and pretty soon a sense of achievement will make the task more encouraging, enjoyable, and rewarding.

Fifth, whatever the task is, break it down into “bite-size” proportions. When I first thought about writing a book, the task seemed overwhelming. A friend suggested to think about writing it just one page at a time. I did. And the book got finished.

Sixth, reward yourself in some positive way for getting your task or tasks done on time. This will help reinforce your new belief that you are a person who gets things done when they need to be done.

Seventh, pray—especially if you are a compulsive procrastinator. Pray that God will help you to face the root cause of your problem. If you pray this prayer and truly mean it, God will show you if you genuinely want him to.

“Work hard and become a leader, be lazy and never succeed.”¹

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, with my procrastination problem I have (and any other problem) please give me the insight to see the cause of it, find the help I need to resolve it, and the courage to do all that is in my control to master it instead of allowing it to master me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 12:24 (TLB)(NLT).

Sometimes the Bible seems to contradict itself. Today’s scripture is a prime example where it says, “Bear one another’s burdens … for every man must bear his own burden.”

Actually, the explanation is simple. In the original language, the first burden represents a burden such as a heavy rock or a weight that one person cannot carry alone because it is far too heavy.

The second burden represents one that each one must carry for himself because it is like a knapsack, one that each individual is quite able to carry.

When we carry another person’s knapsack for him, we are being codependent and contributing to the over-dependent’s not wanting to take responsibility for himself. This makes us a part of his sickness.

Then there are those people who want God to carry their knapsack. No such luck. God isn’t codependent. God will help us where we can’t help ourselves. That’s why He sent His Son, Jesus, who willingly gave His life to save us from the consequences of our sin. But God will not do for us what we can and need to do for ourselves.

And then some people expect those who are carrying a heavy rock burden to just give it to Jesus! This can be a cop-out because we don’t want to help bear another’s burdens. It’s so much easier for us if they will just take it to the cross and give it to Jesus!

A dear friend just lost a loved one. The grief was tearing her heart to shreds. Could you imagine how insensitive I would have been had I said, “Just take it to Jesus.” Yes, she needs to take it to Jesus but she also needs to take it to safe, understanding friends who will perhaps say nothing, but just sit and cry with her, hug her and hold her hand—and be “as Jesus” to her.

We are to weep with those who weep, comfort the sorrowing, hold the hand of a fallen friend and help him/her to his/her feet again. We are to bear one another’s burdens when they have been given a “large rock” to carry. And we are to get out of the way of rescuing those who don’t want to carry their own “knapsack” burden.

This is one vital way how we fulfill the law of Christ. We serve God by serving people.

Suggested prayer: “Thank you God that you bore my burden of sin when Jesus went to the cross for me. Please help me to be responsible and bear my own ‘knapsack’ but always be available to help those whose ‘rock burden’ is far too heavy for them to carry alone. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Galatians 6:2, 5 (NIV).