“The strongest trees grow not beneath the glass of a conservatory or in the sheltered and sunny valleys. The stoutest timber stands on Norwegian rocks, where tempests rage and long, hard winters reign.”²

I’ve never been to Norway nor have I felt the hard, long winters there, but I have lived where winds blow furiously. When planting young trees, it was important not to stake them too tightly. Staking them loosely (when they were little), the winds caused them to develop and deepen a strong root system they needed to stand the powerful winds when they had grown. We had some trees break, but none ever fell. And where they were broken, they grew again, strong and healthy.

Life’s like that. If we overprotect our children when they are young, they will not be equipped to withstand the challenges of life when the winds of adversity strike. And, as adults all of us need the storms of life to help us grow and become healthy and strong in character—or we can allow them to make us bitter rather than better—but that choice is ours.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for the trials and tribulations that you have allowed me to go through. Please help me to always allow them to deepen the roots of my faith in you, and help me to grow in love and every grace. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 1:2-4 (TLB-NIV)

2. Encyclopedia of Sermon Illustrations.

A Daily Encounter reader writes, “I am a Christian, but here is my dilemma. I see Christians who have such a joy in the Lord, but I find that Christianity is a very difficult walk, knowing that it is impossible for me to achieve perfection. Thus, I constantly fail, which makes for a depressing life (yes, I’m quite the perfectionist). And yet logic tells me that if I were a Christian, I would have the joy of the Lord, and that life wouldn’t be such a battle.”

How sad! Just because we are God’s children doesn’t in any way take away our human weaknesses and doesn’t heal us of our emotional wounds. Perfectionism is an emotional issue and, while it will affect us spiritually, it isn’t a spiritual problem any more than a bad cold is, which can also make us feel depressed.

The word “perfect” in the Bible, can equally be translated complete, whole or mature. Knowing this can help us avoid the perfectionism trap. True, we need to strive for excellence, but perfectionism is an emotional sickness. It is also a curse, as it keeps the perfectionist forever in a state of bondage.

Perfectionism usually goes back to one’s developmental years where a child has to “be perfect” in order to feel loved—but this isn’t love. It’s conditional “love” and control and is based on one’s performance rather than on one’s being. Therefore, a perfectionist cannot be happy in this state of mind because nothing he ever does is perfect and therefore not good enough—and he can never feel loved for who he is. And he can be nigh to impossible to live with because those around him cannot reach perfectionism either.

So what can the perfectionist do to overcome his/her problem?

First, he needs to see and admit that he is a perfectionist. Admission is the first step in resolving any problem. Denial keeps one forever stuck.

Second, he needs to see that perfectionism is an emotional sickness, and that he needs healing.

Third, he needs to ask God to help him see the root cause/s of his perfectionism and to lead him to the help he needs to overcome it. Remember, too, that “God is merciful—when we have unresolved problems, he gives us symptoms.” Perfectionism is the symptom—or the fruit—of a deeper root and one needs to resolve that deeper issue to overcome the symptom.

Fourth, I would encourage him to see a competent Christian (professional) counselor to help him work through and resolve his problem; otherwise he will struggle with it for the rest of his life.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to realize that I don’t have to be perfect for you to love me, but also that you want me to keep growing in both spiritual and emotional maturity so I can know and experience your peace in my everyday life. Help me to admit every area in my life where I need healing and lead me to the help I need to fully recover. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 5:48 (NIV).

A “friend” invoices you for considerably more than his original quote. A family member is taken seriously ill and is in the hospital for months. Responsibilities and expenses soar. At the same time, you’re in the middle of a major building project at your business for which you are responsible—and your loan falls through.

The result? Stress!

I know because these things all happened to me in the course of a single year. Stress is a normal part of contemporary living. We all have our share. Ignore it and it can take years off our lives. Accept it and deal with it creatively and we can turn our stress into success.

How can we do this?

First: Realize that some stress is helpful. It provides motivation. For instance, if it weren’t for the stress of having to pay our bills—and eat—we may not want to go to work.

Second: Be aware that stress is only troublesome when it continues for too long or if there is too much of it.

I read about a ten-ton-limit bridge that had been serving a community very well for over fifty years. During the course of those years it had carried millions of tons of weight. But one day the driver of a logging truck ignored the ten-ton load limit sign. The bridge collapsed. Life is like that. All of us can carry our ten-ton load day after day, year after year, but only one load at a time. Overload us and we collapse, too.

Most readers will probably be familiar with the research Thomas Holmes has done on stress. He found that too much change at one time was the greatest cause of stress. An accumulation of 300 or more “life changing units” in any one year may mean an overload of more stress than an individual can carry. On his scale, death of a spouse equals 100 units, divorce 73, marital separation 65, marriage 50, major changes in finances 38, and so on (see note below). So in tough times, try not to make unnecessary changes.

Third: Recognize symptoms as early as possible.

Writing in Eternity magazine (now out of publication) Fred Stansberry talked about “stress-related diseases such as cancer, arthritis, heart and respiratory diseases, migraines, allergies and a host of other psychological and physiological dysfunctions which are increasing at an alarming rate in our Western culture.”

Other symptoms of stress have been listed as, “tense muscles; sore neck, shoulders and back; insomnia, fatigue, boredom, depression, listlessness, dullness; lack of interest; drinking too much; eating too much or too little; diarrhea, cramps, flatulence, constipation; palpitations-heart-skip; phobias; twitches; restlessness and itching.”

To be continued…

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to do all I can to lessen my load and lower my stress level and learn to trust you in all situations—so that I can reasonably relax in the midst of the storms of my life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

NOTE: “Test Your Level of Stress” at: https://learning.actsweb.org/stress_test.php

1. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV).

One man, whom I shall call Jerry, was divorced by his wife twenty years ago. She has long since been remarried to another man. But Jerry is still living under the delusion that she will come back to him.

Instead of growing through longsuffering, Jerry is groaning through suffering long … which is a thief of peace and happiness and has stopped him from getting on with his life (and growing)—and makes this kind of suffering worse than useless.

God’s purpose for longsuffering is to help us grow, to learn patience, and become better, healthier, and more peaceful and fulfilled persons.

Suffering long is when we can change our circumstances (or at least our attitude) but keep doing what we’ve always done and expect different results. But as the old saying goes, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”

Unfortunately, when we are blind to the reality of what we are contributing to the situation we are in and keep hoping for change, too often we do more of the same of what we’ve been doing all along. And then as we remain in our pain, we play the excuse-game, the rationalization-game, and/or the blame-game … blaming others, God or the devil for our misfortunes and miseries—but fail to take personal responsibility for changing ourselves!

And how do I know? Been there—done that! I wish they would have taught me this lesson in Sunday School—or even in college!

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, in the words of another, ‘Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.’ Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Galatians 5:22-23 (KJV).

I recall one lady who complained bitterly to me, saying in a mournful tone, “I can’t understand why God gave me such a terrible husband.”

“Who chose your husband?” I asked.

“God,” she said, totally convinced in her mind that he did.

There was nothing I could do to get this extremely unhappy woman to see that it wasn’t God who chose her husband, but it was she. With people like this it’s, “Don’t confuse me with the facts, my mind’s made up.” Or, as another saying goes, “A man (or woman) convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

As said before, unhappy people are attracted to other unhappy people and, if they marry, they have unhappy marriages. The opposite is also true in that happy people are attracted to happy people and when they marry, they have a much greater chance of having a happy marriage. It has little, if anything to do with God. It has to do with our facing our problems, resolving them, and growing up.

Unfortunately, some people, as John Powell describes them, treat God as if he were a giant Bayer’s aspirin pill with the prescription: “Take God three times a day and you won’t feel any pain.”

Not so. God will give us wisdom if we ask for it and guidance if we seek it, but when we want or even expect God to do for us what we need to do for ourselves and are responsible to do, we set ourselves up for disappointment with God, when in reality, we need to be disappointed in ourselves.

For those who say, “’Sorry, but that is the way I am … I was like this in the beginning, am now, and ever shall be …’ is a handy motto and delusion to have around if we don’t want to grow up.”²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be made whole so that my lifestyle, actions, attitudes, and relationships are responsible and wholesome. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV).

2. John Powell, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am, p. 167.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”¹

I have read how, in 1929, business tycoon J.C. Penney was in the hospital because of his severe anxiety. One night he was sure he was going to die, so he wrote farewell letters to his wife and son.

But he survived the night, and hearing singing the next morning in the chapel, felt drawn to go in. A group was singing, “God will take care of you,” after which followed Bible reading and prayer.

Penney said, “Suddenly something happened. I can’t explain it. It was a miracle. I felt as if I had been instantly lifted out of the darkness of a dungeon into warm brilliant sunlight. I felt as if I had been transported from hell to paradise. I felt the power of God as I had never felt it before.

“I realized then that I alone was responsible for all my troubles. I knew that God with his love was there to help me. From that day to this, my life has been free from worry. The most dramatic and glorious minutes of my life were those I spent in that chapel that morning.”²

Most causes of anxiety and worry lie within ourselves. At best they are triggered by outside circumstances. Only when we admit to and resolve these causes, are we free to fully surrender our worries and anxieties to God and experience his peace.

Whether this peace comes instantly or over a period of time doesn’t matter. The important truth to remember is that God is always there. His love and power are constant and available to all. As we reach out to him through the fog of our worry and damaged emotions, we discover that he is waiting to help us if only we will be totally open and honest with him, respond to his love, and give him the chance.

Every day, visualize Jesus being with you and opening yourself to receive his love, joy and peace. After resolving the causes of worry and anxiety as spelled out in Wednesday and Thursday’s Daily Encounters, the ultimate source of worry-free living is found in learning to trust God fully for every detail and in every circumstance of our life.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, again today I commit and trust my life and every circumstance in which I find myself to you. I choose to trust you regardless of my feelings. Help me so to do. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT).

2. S.I. McMillen, None of These Diseases (Westwood, N.J.: Fleming Revell Co., 1963), p.98.

An overload of worry and anxiety, like an overload of stress, is a killer. We all know that. More importantly, what we also need to know is how to win over such.

It begins with being able to see and admit our real fears, which are a basic cause behind many worries and anxieties, by facing and resolving these, and by learning to trust our life and circumstances to God, and giving our worries to him—and not taking them back. The following are other major causes of anxiety with helpful tips for winning over them.

First: If anxiety is situational; that is, caused by adverse circumstances or too much work—or not enough work, I find it helps to list all my pressures on paper. This is half the battle. I then eliminate the least important matters, work on the things I can do something about, and am learning to accept the things I cannot change and stop worrying about them.

Second: If the problem is caused by pent-up feelings, such as resentment, hurt, or anger, those feelings need to be expressed in healthy ways and resolved, otherwise they may cause ongoing worry and anxiety—or they may make you sick. If you’re nursing a grudge, if possible put things right with the person you feel hurt you, and regardless, you need to forgive them.²

Some hurt or angry feelings can be talked out with a trusted friend or counselor. Or go for a drive in your car, park in a safe place where you can be alone, lock the doors, and with the windows closed, the radio turned up loud, talk to the person who hurt you as if they were in the car with you. Express freely your true feelings toward them, and do this as many times as necessary until all the pent up feelings are dissipated. Or if it helps, go to the bedroom and cry your hurt and/or grief feelings out, or write them out as David often did in the Psalms.

One night when I was worried and couldn’t sleep, I got up and typed a letter to God sharing all my feelings with him. Within a half-hour I had released my pent-up feelings. I then read them back to God, tore up the page, went back to bed, and fell asleep immediately.

Third: Good, hard physical exercise is also helpful when you’re feeling worried or anxious. It helps burn up excess adrenalin.

Fourth: If your worry is caused by unmet emotional or spiritual needs, you can remedy this by growing in your relationship to God and others—both of which are keys to vital, worry-free living. A spiritual-growth group or a good twelve-step recovery group can be a big help for worriers. As you open up your true self to others and to God and feel their love and acceptance, you can slowly exchange feelings of fear, guilt, anger, inadequacy, anxiety, and worry for feelings of hope, confidence, peace, and love.

“Perfect love drives out fear,”³ wrote the Apostle John in the Bible. So we need to ask God not only to help us overcome our fears, but also to fill us with love. The more we love and trust God and others, the less we fear man and circumstances.

To be concluded in tomorrow’s Daily Encounter, Part III.

Suggested prayer, “Dear God, please help me to face and resolve the causes behind all my worries, cares, and anxieties. And ‘give me the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.’ Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 John 4:18 (NIV).

2. See Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV).

3. 1 John 4:18 (NIV).

It’s Monday morning. The weekend is over. The alarm clock blares out its hideous jangle and suddenly you are snapped into the world of reality. First comes the struggle to get out of bed, then the rush to get to school or work on time, and then comes the stress of trying to juggle all one’s seemingly endless responsibilities. Or just the opposite may be true for those out of work.

Is this how your week starts? And aren’t these pressures mild compared to the ones you face as the day and week wear on?

We live in a world of ever-increasing stress and worry with school, work, and family, financial, social, and relational pressures. Not many people are free from worry of some kind.

Worry and anxiety are major problems of contemporary society. In excessive amounts they can take years off your life.

Some people like to think that things don’t bother them. “No problem,” they say as they put on a brave front and reach for the aspirin or alcohol bottle to deaden their fears, worries, and anxieties.

However, it isn’t possible to deaden inner anxiety. Unresolved, it will reveal itself in many ways.

For instance, George withdraws when he is upset, hurt, or uptight. Susan talks endlessly to cover her anxiety. Bill chain smokes to avoid facing his. Harry attacks when he feels threatened. Jack dominates, and Jill procrastinates. Dennis is a constant complainer. Joan is a compulsive eater, Fred a compulsive drinker, Tom a compulsive worker, and Frank a compulsive gambler—all because of unresolved worry and anxiety.

Anxiety may also express itself in a physical way. Stuttering, abdominal pains, high blood pressure, a twitch, allergies, ulcers, nervous stomach, tension headaches—all have been named by doctors as symptoms of anxiety and worry.

Yes, sooner or later unresolved worry and anxiety will win out. When one fails to creatively talk out his worries, he will act them out in some destructive way.

Long ago the Bible pointed out that “a relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life.”² Jesus himself said, “So I tell you, don’t worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes…. Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”³

And the Apostle Paul wrote, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus”⁴

However, it’s one thing to know about God’s peace and another thing to experience it. And as E. Stanley Jones said, “Worry is the interest we pay on tomorrow’s troubles.”

To be continued. See tomorrow’s Daily Encounter.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to come to terms with my fears, worries and anxieties, and learn how to resolve these and trust more fully in you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Mathew 6:25 and 34 (NIV).

2. Proverbs 14:30 (NLT).

3. Matthew 6:25 and 34 (NIV).

4. Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT).

Long ago in a small village [or so the story goes] there was a place known as the House of a Thousand Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the door with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as he could.

To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1,000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1,000 great smiles just as friendly. As he left the house, he thought to himself, This is a wonderful place; I will come back and visit often.

In the same village another little dog, who was not as happy as the first one, visited the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked through the door. When he saw the 1,000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1,000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, “This is a horrible place, I will never come back here again.”²

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflection do we see in the faces of the people we meet? And what kind of face do they see in you and me?

2. From Tentmaker, www.tentmaker.org. Cited in Encounter magazine (Australia), March/April 2002.