One of the great principles we need to emphasize to keep ourselves and our society healthy and productive is the principle of personal responsibility. It’s a principle that needs, through repetition, to be programmed into our belief system. It needs to be taught and demonstrated in the home and at every level of society—including among the highest business and political leaders in our communities and nation.

If people don’t believe they are responsible, they will not act responsibly. If they believe and know they are responsible, most will consistently act responsibly.

Obviously, we weren’t responsible for our background and upbringing but we are fully responsible for what we do about these and for what we become. The world doesn’t owe us a living. As the Bible teaches, if we are unwilling to work we shouldn’t eat.

When we repeatedly do anything for others that they can and need to do for themselves we can make and keep them overdependent, immature and irresponsible. It is not the loving thing to do.

I remember reading about some sea gulls in a fishing village that, for many years, fed on the scraps the fishermen left. When the fishing industry in this place closed, the sea gulls had forgotten how to gather food for themselves. They died of starvation.

The same principle applies to people. When we do things to keep them overdependent, we destroy their growth and maturity. It’s the same with God, he will bend the heavens to touch the earth to do for us what we can’t do for ourselves—such as on the cross of Calvary—but he won’t do for us what we can and need to do for ourselves. As another has said, “God feeds the sparrows but he doesn’t throw the food into their nest.”

One effective way to program responsibility into one’s unconscious mind is by constantly saying to yourself, either silently or out loud: “I am responsible. I am responsible. I am responsible.” And say it with the feeling that you really mean it and believe it. Just mouthing the words is meaningless.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, I am responsible. Thank you for granting me this freedom. Help me to act accordingly always in all ways. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Thessalonians 4:11 (NIV).

I heard what I thought was a very funny ad on the radio. The announcer was discussing something with a make-believe Unanimous Anonymous support group. Like many a funny ad, I enjoyed the ad so much I don’t have the vaguest idea what product and/or brand name they were selling.

However, this ad reminded me of people who always agree with everything you say—whether they mean it or not. They can drive you nuts. I’m talking about people pleasers who always want to please you. They will give you the answer they think you want. They fall over backwards to help you even when you don’t want their help. Or give you things you don’t even want. I’m sure you’ve met one or two in your life. Sometimes they are referred to as “yes” men. You have no way of knowing what their motive is or what they are about.

Actually these people are untrue to their own self because they are very insecure and have an over-zealous need to please just about everybody in a vain attempt to get approval, which they substitute for love. In other words, they don’t have a healthy sense of self-love and acceptance.

The reality is that until we can love and accept ourselves in a healthy way, we cannot fully love and accept anyone else because we can’t give what we don’t have.

The way we grow in self-love starts by getting real; that is, by being honest with ourselves and admitting that we feel insecure and don’t have a healthy sense of self-love and acceptance. Once I admit that I feel insecure, I can stop trying to prove to myself that I’m okay and get off the endless merry-go-round of trying to please everyone. This can be incredibly liberating. Furthermore, it’s the only way I can do anything about my problem.

Then I need to admit how I really feel to at least one or two trusted, non-judgmental and supportive friends who won’t judge me or tell me I shouldn’t feel the way I do. (I feel the way I do because of who I am which has nothing to do with whether I should or shouldn’t feel the way I feel.) When I am courageously open and honest about myself with these trusted friends, and they love and accept me exactly as I am, little by little in time I learn to love and accept myself in a healthy way.

It also helps to realize that God loves and accepts us exactly as we are. But he also loves us too much to leave us as we are. He wants us to grow and become whole so his love can flow freely through us to others. However, until we love and accept ourselves, God’s love is blocked or hindered from flowing freely through us.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be real and help me to find a loving, accepting, non-judgmental friend or two with whom I feel safe to share my real self. Through their love, and knowing that you love and accept me as I am, please help me to love and accept myself in a healthy manner so your love can flow through me to others without being blocked or hindered. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:15 (TLB/NLT).

A Daily Encounter reader writes: “I have received Jesus as my Savior but after many years I feel like I am just going through the motions. I feel dead spiritually. I have great difficulty reading and understanding the Bible and can’t seem to pray. I feel like I’m in the middle of a thick sludge pool and can’t get out. Do other Christians feel this way? Will I go to heaven if Jesus comes back and I’m in this state? Is our salvation dependent only on our trust in Christ as our Savior—regardless of how we feel?”

“Dear Isabel,” (name changed), I wrote, “let me assure you that you are not alone in your struggle. Most Christians, including myself, and many of the great heroes of faith, go through what has been called a ‘dark night of the soul’ when God seems far away and all seems hopeless. Nor will you miss out on heaven because of the spiritual blahs.

“There can be many reasons for the ‘spiritual blahs.’ If one is under considerable stress at home or on the job for too long, has been physically ill for some time, has a chemical imbalance, or is generally bored with his work or life—any of these can cause relationships (including our relationship with God) to feel blah and distant. Also, if one is acting out in self-defeating ways or has unconfessed sin in his life—these too can cause a person to feel far from God.

“Super-charged repressed negative emotions are also a very common cause for barriers to come between ourselves, others, and God. These are usually caused by impaired relationships from the past—anywhere from early childhood to yesterday. The walls we build to block out our feelings of hurt, fear, and/or anger so we won’t have to face them also block out our warm, loving and positive feelings. Doing this can also be very damaging to our physical health. This is why the Bible teaches us to resolve all negative emotions and impaired relationships as quickly as possible.

“I would suggest that you have a thorough medical examination to make sure you don’t have a physical problem that needs attention or medication. If you are under considerable stress, see if there are some things you can change or drop altogether. I also suggest that you see a qualified Christian counselor and share with him or her exactly what you have shared with me so he or she can help you resolve your struggle. All of us need help at times like these.

“And even if you don’t feel like it, pray and tell God exactly how you feel. Ask him to help you discover the cause/s of your ‘spiritual blahs’ and to lead you to the help you need to overcome.

“Let me again assure you that if you have prayed and invited Jesus into your heart and life, no matter how you feel, remember that Jesus said, ‘I will never, never, never, never, never leave you or forsake you.’² This is when you need to take God at his Word and not allow your feelings to control you.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you have promised to always be with me no matter what. About my blahs I experience, please help me to see the cause of these and lead me to the help I need to overcome them so I can again feel close to you and the ones I love the most. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

For further help read, “How to Be Sure You’re a real Christian Without Having to Be Religious” at: http://tinyurl.com/real-christian.

1. 1 John 5:11-13 (NIV).

2. Hebrews 13:5 (Paraphrase).

One of the most asked questions from Daily Encounter readers has to do with suffering and why God allows it. Recently one reader asked the question, “Why doesn’t Jesus return to end all the evil that is in today’s world?” At a more personal level, others ask, why does God allow me and my family to go through so many problems?

I suppose all of us have asked the same question at one time or another. I certainly have and my answer is, I don’t know. I’m sure my parent’s generation asked the same question especially during the days of Hitler, World War II, and Stalin. However, had Jesus returned before I was born, I probably wouldn’t have been born, nor would I be given a home in Heaven, nor would I have the wonderful privilege of publishing the gospel and reaching so many others with God’s message of eternal salvation.

The fact is that every generation has gone through suffering of one kind or another and only God knows when Jesus will return to end it all. The point is that we need to realize that evil happens because we live in a broken and sin-full world, the results and effects of which affect us all. The other thing is that God wants us to use our pain to draw us closer to him and help us to grow and become healthier and more mature persons. We also know that God wants everyone in the world to be given the opportunity to hear the gospel before Jesus comes again.

Also, it helps to remember that “no matter how disappointed you are feeling or how much you are hurting, know that every heartache and loss has within it the seeds of opportunity. Hidden within each disappointment is a pearl of great price that, when found, will totally dwarf your problem. The greatest success stories are written by people who, against seemingly overwhelming and often insurmountable odds, have accepted their trials and turned them into opportunities for personal growth and stepping stones on their pathway to success. With God’s help you can do the same. Trust him and choose friends who will empower you to do so.”²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to use every trial and problem that comes into my life to draw me closer to you and to help me grow towards becoming the person you want me to be. Also, please help me to be an effective witness for you and to be a part of your plan in reaching every one in my world and beyond with the gospel by being ‘as Jesus’ in some way to every life I touch, and by being ready to share the gospel with every opportunity that presents itself. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 1:2-4 (NIV).

2. From How to Mend a Broken Heart, by Dick Innes. Available on sale at: http://www.actscom.com/store.

In a Peanuts cartoon Lucy asks Charlie Brown, “Why do you think we were put on earth?”

Charlie answers, “To make others happy.”

Lucy replies: “I don’t think I’m making anyone happy,” and then adds, “But, nobody’s making me very happy either. Somebody’s not doing his job!”

I know this may sound simplistic but in a very real sense happiness is a choice. Too many people in our Hollywood-crazed way of thinking expect other people to make them happy. People talk about finding the right partner to marry which is all back to front. To find the right partner we need to be the right partner. The fact is that only happy partners make happy marriages, and the only person who can ever make us happy is one’s self.

Furthermore, happiness and/or contentment is not only a choice, it is a decision, a commitment to action and to personal honesty that requires a good hard, honest look at ourselves, and then a whole lot of hard work to resolve all the things in our lives that hinder happiness and/or make us unhappy.

The starting point for finding happiness and contentment is by making up your mind that you will no longer look to anyone else to make you happy; that no matter what, you will accept responsibility for doing what you need to do to find happiness; and above all, by learning to pray the right prayer such as the following:

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please confront me with the truth about me—no matter how much it hurts—and reveal to me any and every unresolved issue in my life that is hindering my finding contentment and lasting happiness—whether the problem be emotional, spiritual and/or physical. And please lead me to the help I need to overcome. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Philippians 4:11-12 (NIV).

You’ve undoubtedly read about the father and son who were hiking in the mountains, but it stands repeating. You may have had the same experience as they had.

As they were walking along the son falls, hurts himself, and screams: “AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!”

To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain: “AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Curious, he yells: “Who are you?”

He receives the answer: “Who are you?”

Angered at the response, he screams: “Coward!”

He receives the answer: “Coward!”

He looks to his father and asks: “What’s going on?”

The father smiles and says: “My son, pay attention.” And then he screams to the mountain: “I admire you!”

The voice answers: “I admire you!”

Again the man screams: “You are a champion!”

The voice answers: “You are a champion!”

The boy is surprised, but does not understand.

Then the father explains: “People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do.

How true this is. Our life is pretty much a reflection of our actions. If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart. If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence. This relationship applies to everything in all aspects of life—life will give you back everything you have given to it.

Your life is not a coincidence. It is a reflection of you.²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to always remember that I will reap what I sow, so help me God to sow seeds of love, joy, peace, beauty, kindness, courtesy, and wonder and reap a multiplied harvest of the same. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Galatians 6:7-8 (NLT).

2. Author Unknown. From the Internet.

Following the crash of an Aeroflot jet in Siberia, which killed all 75 people aboard in March of 1994, the voices heard on the recording were ones of terror! They came from a chilling scene. Apparently the pilot was giving his children a flying lesson at the time of the crash.

The transcript from the cockpit tapes reveals the desperate situation. “Daddy, can I turn this?” cried the child who was sitting in the captain’s seat.

Then came the voice of the captain shouting, “Get out! Get out! More than a dozen times he yelled out to his son who had “accidentally pushed the right pedal, sending the aircraft into an irreversible spin.”

Sometimes the choices we make seem insignificant at the time, but when we stop living the life we believe, we end up unhappily believing the life we live. In so doing we can put our life into “an irreversible spin” and unless we face the reality of our actions and call to God for help, in the long run there’s no way out.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to so live that I will never ignore your Word with its moral principles for daily living or forget you and thereby place my life in an irreversible spin. And thank you that when I am in trouble and call out to you for help, you always hear and answer my prayers. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 1:15 (NKJV).

I have seen a similar thing happen in Southern California where many Australian gum or eucalyptus trees are grown. As this area is converted desert, all or many of these trees are watered by a drip or sprinkler system. Because the water is close to the surface, many of these trees don’t have a deep root system either and I have seen many of them fall in a wild windstorm after the ground was waterlogged.

Very different to gum trees growing up in the dry parts of Australia where they are forced to drive their roots down deep in order to survive. Their branches get broken in storms but rarely do any of the trees fall.

Furthermore, when I lived in South Australia at the top of the Adelaide hills where the winds blow furiously, I was advised to plant my trees while they were still small and not to stake them too tightly. They needed the freedom to bend and sway with the wind as this helped them develop a deep root system from their beginning in order to strengthen them when they had fully grown.

Or take the mighty redwood trees—magnificent trees that grow in Northern California and reach their leafy arms toward heaven—some of which were growing when Jesus walked on earth! Normally they receive good rains and have a sufficient water supply. These giants of the forest also have a very shallow root system but as they grow in groves, all their roots are intertwined so when the wild winds blow and the storms rage, they hang on to each other and hold each other up.

1. Luke 6:47-49 (NKJV).

2. Hebrews 10:25 (NKJV).

A Daily Encounter reader writes, “After many years of counseling and prayer for help, my brother who has been a Christian for many years can’t seem to let go of his emotional problems and failures. Is there anything I can say to help him forgive himself? What might be holding him back from finding healing and freedom?”

There may be any of a number of reasons why this man seems to be “stuck” in his situation. One may be that deep down he doesn’t want to get well.

According to reports I have read from both a Christian and a secular source, of all the people who go to a counselor or physician saying they want help approximately 25 percent actually don’t want to get well. Some of these people like to feel sorry for themselves and get some kind of satisfaction from seeking sympathy. A further 50 percent expect the counselor or physician to heal them. Only 25 percent actually take responsibility for doing what they need to do in order to get well. One physician said that some patients would rather he operate on their body than they operate on or change their lifestyle!

Many of us say that we want to lose weight, too, but do little or nothing about it. What we do is confuse a wish for a want. It’s one thing to wish for something, it’s another thing to want it.

As Jesus said to the sick person, “Do you want to be made well/whole?”

To be made well/whole, I need to be committed to being made well/whole and accept responsibility for doing whatever I need to do in order to get well. I can pray forever about losing weight but if I don’t watch my diet and get sufficient exercise, it’s not going to happen. And if I cling to my grudges and refuse to forgive all who have hurt me, I won’t get well either.

True, some ills and miserable circumstances are beyond our control but there are many that we can do something about ourselves. Yes, pray for wisdom to know what to do, for truth to see what we need to do, for courage to do it, and for God to lead us to the help we need to overcome. When we do our part, we can be sure that God will do his.

The bottom line is do we truly want to be made well/whole—or do we just wish for it?

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to accept responsibility in every adverse situation that comes my way. Besides trusting in you, help me to see what I can and need to do to make healing and wholeness possible. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. John 5:5-6 (NKJV).

“He who fears criticism,” declared Thomas Jefferson, “is hopeless. Only those who do things are criticized. The idler is lost sight of in the march of events—but the doer is watched and criticized. To hesitate for fear of criticism loses the battle while the doers march on to victory and triumphs.

“If your cause is right, be not afraid of criticism: Advocate it, expound it, and, if need be, fight for it. Critics always will be, but to the strong-minded they are a help rather than a hindrance. As the horse spurts forward when prodded with the spur, so the doers forge ahead under the lash of criticism. Take your part on life’s stage and play your part to the end. Stand for that which is good [that which is right]. Be a doer, not a drone. Look the world in the face and let the critics criticize.”

The fact is those who achieve anything worthwhile in life are bound to be the target for the jabs and jibes of jealous lesser men. Furthermore, the person who, for fear of criticism, tries to please everyone ends up pleasing no one.

Realize too, that an incessant, negative criticizer with a chip on his/her shoulder is basically an angry person. They have never resolved their hurts from the past and are looking for hooks to hang their anger on. That is, they are projecting their anger and/or failures on to others rather than accepting the responsibility for their own unresolved issues.

On the other hand, when constructive criticism is given, let’s accept it in the spirit in which it is given, evaluate it realistically, and make changes where necessary. This is a characteristic of a mature person.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be Christ-like when criticized in that I accept all criticism in a mature manner and don’t become defensive. Wherever the criticism is valid, help me to accept it gladly and make changes accordingly. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Peter 2:23 (NLT).