Politics: Without character and ethics, capitalism and democracy cannot survive for the long haul. Lying, cheating, cooking the books, irresponsibility, self-centeredness are self-destructive. We always reap what we sow—even if it is eventually.

Same is true with politics. Perhaps as never before we urgently need capable politicians; and I am thankful for those who are genuine, responsible, honest, and have at heart the best interest of the people they serve—not necessarily giving them what they want, but always seeking to provide, wherever possible, what they genuinely need. Today, unfortunately, the word “politics” has become a dirty word because of those politicians who are more interested in serving themselves and doing all they can to stay in power by catering to the wants and special interests of the majority of their constituents—or to please those who give them the most financial support. Then there are those who shamelessly blame others for the very problems that they themselves helped to create; those who lie, get caught, and call it a misspeak; those who look to dig up dirt to destroy their opponent; and others who spin their reports to make them say what they want them to say.

Unfortunately, some people are like this too. We’re like “two birds that fly over our nation’s deserts: One is the hummingbird and the other is the vulture. The vultures find the rotting meat of the desert, because that is what they look for. They thrive on that diet. But hummingbirds ignore the smelly flesh of dead animals. Instead, they look for the colorful blossoms of desert plants. The vultures live on what was. They live on the past. They fill themselves with what is dead and gone. But hummingbirds live on what is. They seek new life. They fill themselves with freshness and life. Each bird finds what it is looking for. We all do.”²

If we look for the good in others, that’s what we’ll find. If we look for dirt, that’s what we will find. The same principle applies to people’s view of God. If we want to see him we can—everywhere we look. If we don’t want to see him, we won’t. The fact remains, people see exactly what they want to see, hear what they want to hear, find what they want to find, and do what they want and choose to do.

As Frederick Langbridge said, “Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars.” What you look for is what you will see and what you will get.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be honest with myself and with you so that I will see more clearly the truth as it is and not as I want it to be. And, while not being blind to deception, help me to look for stars and not for mud. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV).

2. Author unknown.

A Daily Encounter reader writes, “As a Christian I try to flee from sin because I don’t want to displease God and I don’t want to suffer the consequences. However, I am repeatedly reminded that I am not perfect and that I cannot live up to God’s standards. So I am constantly frustrated because on one hand, I’m told that I should resist sin, and on the other hand, I’m told that I will always sin . . . Ahhhhh! Then it is inevitable that I will suffer consequences for my sins no matter how I try to resist them, right?

“I am afraid to live, because the more I read the Bible, the more I realize how flawed I am. Out of fear of ‘falling short’ I avoid situations. For example, I would love to be married one day, but I am afraid to meet a young lady because of the temptations that come along with falling in love. That isn’t living.”

“Dear Don,” (not his real name), “Thank you for your honesty which is very honorable. However, if I may say so, it sounds to me like you might be a perfectionist or have very strong perfectionistic tendencies. And that’s why you’re ‘beating yourself up.’ If this is true, it probably goes back to your childhood where you felt you were never quite good enough to please either one or both of your parents, and now you have projected these same feelings onto God your heavenly parent (Father).

“Yes, God wants us to grow and overcome sin, but he doesn’t beat us up in the process. We beat ourselves up. God understands our sinful nature and we don’t change that by being a legalist . . . that is by trying to live by the law and not by God’s grace. Legalistic living leads to utter frustration and a deep sense of failure. Because of this, sad to say, many abandon their Christian faith because they can’t live up to the unrealistic expectations they have of themselves while all the while thinking it is God’s expectations.

“Basically, we need to grow and become more whole. For only to the degree that we are made whole will our lifestyle, attitudes and actions become wholesome. If you are a perfectionist, you need to keep reminding yourself that it is you and not God who has unrealistic expectations of you, and get into a good counseling and recovery program, otherwise you will be beating yourself up for the rest of your life—and that will keep you in awful bondage.

“Also, ask God to confront you with the truth about yourself so you can see and understand why you have all these unrealistic expectations, and to lead you to the help you need to overcome.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to have a realistic view of myself and not think either too highly or too poorly of myself. Help me to see myself as you see me and accept myself the way you accept me. And where I have weaknesses, please help me to accept these and find the help I need to overcome them. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Romans 8:1-2 (ASV).

Another pretty little black and white bird that is found where I grew up is appropriately named a willie-wag-tail. This is because these birds continually wag their long, feathered tail. Like a dog with a wagging tail, willie-wag-tails project a bright, cheery spirit wherever they go and are a delight to see.

Have you ever noticed in a group of people when a certain person walks into the room, the entire group lights up with pleasure, obviously delighted to see the person who just walked in? And then there are those who, when they walk into a room full of people, the room goes quiet because of the negative vibes that person projects.

In light of today’s and the previous two Daily Encounters, the question to ask myself is this: “Am I a wheel-kicker with a negative, critical attitude looking for pegs to hang my anger on; a magpie that, when it pecks at others, is projecting a reflection of his or her own self-image; or am I a willie-wag-tail projecting an attitude of joy and contentment wherever I go?”

“If it’s going to be, it’s up to me”—regardless of my past. I can choose to stay as I am and blame my parents, society, God or the devil for the type of person I am and the attitude I have. Or with God’s help I can choose to overcome my past, grow towards wholeness, and become the person God wants me to be—thereby allowing his love, peace and joy to be reflected by me in some way to every life I touch.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you have a wonderful plan for my life—not only to save me for all eternity, but also to make me whole, so that my life will reflect your glory, and bring ‘Son-shine’ into the life of others everywhere I go. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 17:22 and 15:13 (NASB).

Yesterday we talked about wheel-kickers. This reminds me of an attractive black and white bird (that is found where I grew up), called a magpie. Magpies are a little bigger than a pigeon and are extremely protective of their young. If you come too close to a mother magpie’s nest, you’d better watch out for your head as these birds with their long, sharp beak are just as likely to dive at you.

Magpies also have a strange but amusing habit. They spend seemingly tireless effort in repeatedly jumping into and pecking at their own reflection in the shiny hub caps of cars … never realizing that they are pecking at their own image.

Some people are kind of like that. When we habitually peck at, put down, and criticize others, we are reflecting an image of ourselves. Or, as the old saying goes, when we point a finger at others, we are pointing four fingers back at ourselves. Pity we can’t see it—greater pity that we don’t want to see it. It’s so much easier to play the blame-game and project our problems onto others than to accept the fact that we are the problem. And remember, when we play the blame-game, we will “be-lame.”

If we truly want to grow, become more whole and mature, we can start by looking at our attitude towards and treatment of others. If we have a critical spirit, an ongoing negative attitude, and repeated conflict with others, we can be certain that both the problem and the cure lie within ourselves.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, rather than ‘pecking at others’ help me to see myself in your Word and, not forgetting what I see and, with your help, confront and resolve my issues so that I become more and more like Jesus in every way. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 1:22-24 (NIV).

Wheel-kickers—we’ve probably all seen them. Ask any used car salesman about them. Wheel-kickers are a pain in the neck and a thorn in the flesh of the salesperson. They go from car to car; first they kick the front wheels, then they kick the back ones. Next they want to look under the hood and check the engine. But all they do is find fault: the wheels are rickety; the tires are no good; the engine is really bad. Wheel-kickers are on a witch-hunt looking for any fault they can find. And when they can’t find any legitimate faults, they make up some—but they never buy the car. They waste the salesman’s time and take him away from serving legitimate customers.

Wheel-kickers have a chip on their shoulder. They have a critical, mean spirit. Beneath it all they are angry people looking for a peg on which to hang their anger. They play the blame-game and never stop to look and see that they, and only they, are the cause of their negative, critical spirit. They rarely even realize who they are and what they are doing because they always justify their actions.

Wheel-kickers are not only seen in used-car lots. There are politician wheel-kickers who drive you crazy tearing down their opponents over absurd issues while ignoring and/or hiding their own self-serving motives and weaknesses. There are legalistic preacher wheel-kickers who condemn all churches but their own; parent wheel-kickers; spouse wheel-kickers; teenage wheel-kickers; business wheel-kickers; and everyday Dick and Jane wheel-kickers! Actually there are wheel-kickers in just about any field you wish to name.

Wheel-kickers are like that … when they are kicking other people’s wheels, they’re kicking the wrong person. What they need to be doing is giving themselves a swift kick in the seat of their own pants.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, if by any chance I am a wheel-kicker, please help me to see the error of my ways and, with your help, do something about overcoming my negative, critical spirit. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV).

“For the first time in her life, Western Oregon University’s Sara Tucholsky not only hit a home run in a game against Central Washington University, but she hit it over the fence.

“She had passed first base and was on her way to second base when she collapsed. Something had happened to her knee and she couldn’t run. No one on her team could help her around the bases because if they touched her, she’d be out. That’s when her opponents from Central Washington picked her up and carried her around the bases and across the home plate. ‘My whole team was crying. It touched a lot of people,’ says Tucholsky.”²

I don’t know if any of these kids were Christians or not, but what an incredible example for all of us. In doing likewise we certainly would be helping to fulfill “the law of Christ.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me always to be available to bear another’s burden when his or her load is too heavy to bear alone. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Galatians 6:2 (NKJV).
2. Source, KneEmail, http://www.forthright.net/kneemail/

Another Daily Encounter reader asks, “I’m in my fifties and my mother is still controlling me with guilt. What can I do to stop her?”

Strange as it may seem but this woman is not alone in her situation by any means. Some parents want to control even their adult children until the day they die.

My answer to the woman was, “You can’t stop your mother from being a guilt-thrower, but you can stop being a guilt-catcher.”

Guilt-throwing and guilt-catching are two sides of the same coin. Guilt-throwers only throw guilt to guilt-catchers … both are involved in “this dance of guilt” (false guilt, that is). You can’t have one without the other. Both are equally in need of help. The fact is that nobody can make me feel guilty or anything else without my cooperation and permission.

What the guilt-thrower does is his problem. How I respond is always my responsibility. That is, if I am a guilt-catcher, that’s my problem and my responsibility to overcome. And while I can’t stop or change the guilt-thrower, I can change myself and stop catching the guilt that others throw in my direction.

To change myself I need to acknowledge my part and admit that I, too, have a problem. I’m a guilt-catcher because I probably learned it in childhood, and am afraid to say no for fear I won’t be liked, or because I’m afraid of conflict. But underneath, when I allow myself to be controlled by guilt or anything else, I feel frustrated and angry!

Two things we need to do to stop being a guilt-catcher. One is long-term. The other is short-term. Regarding the long-term, I need to keep working on my own growth so that I develop a healthy self-concept so it doesn’t bother me to say no to someone regardless of whether they like me or not. For immediate results, one of the most helpful things to do is to recognize immediately when someone is trying to lay a guilt trip on you and say kindly but firmly to them, “You’re not trying to make me feel guilty are you?”

Of course they will deny it, but if you keep responding in this manner, it won’t take long before they will stop throwing guilt your way and look for someone else who will catch it.

If you happen to be a guilt-thrower, the same principles for recovery apply. You need to get into a growth program so you can develop a healthy self-concept so you don’t need to be in control of every situation in order to feel okay about yourself. Recognize what you are doing and see how harmful this is to yourself and to others and, with God’s help, little by little stop doing it.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, whether I am a guilt-thrower or a guilt-catcher, please help me to see myself as you do, confront me with my character issues, and lead me to the help I need to overcome, so I will ‘lovingly follow the truth at all times—speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly—and so become more and more in every way like Christ.’ Gratefully, in his name. Amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:15 (TLB)(NIV).

A Daily Encounter reader writes, “I have a problem at work with my boss. He is supposed to be a good Christian man, but there seems to be a problem. Every time he loses something or does something wrong, he blames me or another staff member. One day I wasn’t even there and something got lost, and he said I had to be the one that moved it. I told him I was out that day, but he insisted it was me. What should I do?”

I’m sure that some, if not many, of our readers could identify with Jessica’s (not her real name) problem.

So what do you do when you have a mean boss?

I once had a job where my boss was an angry yeller. He would yell at us at the slightest provocation. He was much taller than I, so one day when I had had enough of his bullying, I stood on my tip-toes, got right in his face, and yelled at him “Don’t yell at me!”

I was much younger in those days and hopefully I’d be a little more tactful today. Furthermore, I’m not suggesting that you yell at your boss. However, if you stand up to your boss, you need to be prepared to be fired. I didn’t get fired, but was prepared to be. I just wasn’t going to stand by passively and take his yelling at me—especially when I was and have always been a hard worker. But you know what? When I stood up to him, he crumbled. I sensed that behind his aggressive façade (mask) was a hurt, frightened boy. Amazingly, he never yelled at me again and we ended up getting on very well.

We also need to remember that we go to work to earn a living. At work it would be nice if people would always be nice to us, but that isn’t realistic. We can’t change the people we work with, and we can’t change our boss. But we can change bosses (our job), but if we can’t, we can change ourselves and how we respond to nasty people.

It’s not easy, I know, but it’s up to us. We do have a choice in how we react, keeping in mind that we react—especially when we overreact—on the basis of who we are more than on what the other person does. This doesn’t excuse another person’s negative behavior, but it does remind us that the only person we can ever change is ourselves.

Most important of all, when I have to be involved with someone I don’t like or don’t like the way they act, I ask God to help me to be “as Christ” to this person, and that they, seeing Christ in me, will want him for themselves. This kind of change in me doesn’t happen instantly—I have to keep working at it.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, when I am in a situation with mean people, please give me the wisdom to know what to do, and the courage to do it. And in all situations please help me to be as Christ to those who rub me the wrong way, and always speak the truth in love. So help me God. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:15 (NLT).

Dr. Alfred Adler, international psychiatrist, based the following conclusions on a careful analysis of thousands of patients: “The most important task imposed by religion has always been, ‘Love your neighbor….’ It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”

As I have said a number of times, it may not be the most desirable for many of us, but we can live healthily as a single or without romantic love in our life. But we cannot live healthily without loving relationships—or at the very least, without one loving relationship.

I would agree with Dr. Adler in that, more often than not, it is a lack of love that drives people into self-destructive behaviors such as: looking for love in all the wrong places and getting deeply hurt and disappointed; acting out sexually as a false substitute for love; and turning to drugs and alcohol as a means to anesthetize or deaden the pain of emptiness caused by a lack of love.

So, if we are lacking in love or feel that we need more healthy love in our life, where do we find it? Easy question; tough answer.

First, it begins by admitting to ourselves and to at least one trusted friend exactly how empty and lacking in love we feel.

Second, remember that we get damaged in damaging relationships and are healed in healing relationships. This means we need to be in relationship with at least one loving, accepting, non-judgmental, trusted person (a capable counselor if necessary) with whom we can be totally open and honest and, step by step, open up and reveal our true self—warts and all. It’s only as we reveal who we truly are that we can be loved and accepted for whom we are, and not for what we have ever done or have failed to do. And as we are loved and accepted in this way, little by little we learn to love and accept ourselves.

This, of course, takes courageous work and time. However as we learn to love and accept ourselves, we are not only freed to change, but also in a position where we are attracted to loving people and they to us. Remember, we can only be loved to the degree that we are known—and we can only love and accept others to the degree that we ourselves have been loved and accepted.

Third, and most important, realize that we not only need the love of others, but most important of all, we need to know and experience God’s love, forgiveness, and his divine acceptance. As we open up to him and confess our true self to him—sins, warts and all—and ask for his forgiveness, he forgives us totally. And, of course, we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. Then we are freed to experience God’s love in the depths of our inner being. And joyously we will discover, as we grow in love towards others, our love for God will also grow and be enriched. As God’s Word says, “If we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to find a loving friend with whom I can feel totally safe to open up and share my true self—sins, warts and all—and give me the courage to so do. Help me, too, to grow in love towards others so that your love is made complete in me. And then, help me to give the same love to others as they and you have given to me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name. Amen”

1. 1 John 4:11-12 (NIV)

A lawyer whom I believe was sincere wrote saying, “As my profession is a lawyer, when someone cites the Bible, I always tend to think about different ways of interpretation of the Word—such as during the times of the inquisition.”

Good point. I think many people genuinely struggle with the same question as there are so many different interpretations of God’s Word … and so many different applications of the same passages.

Answering a lawyer is out of my league; however, suffice it to say that legalists (out of their own insecurities and authoritarian stance) will use God’s Word to control people to get them to conform to their (the legalist’s) neuroses. At the opposite end of the scale are those who say what “speaks” to them in the Bible is God’s Word and the rest they conveniently ignore—a very comfortable but, like the legalist’s view, a self-deceptive way to live. Somewhere between these extremes are those who seek a balanced view of what God is really saying.

One major problem is that we all interpret situations, etc., on the basis of who we are and often on what we want to see… and on how honest or dishonest we are with our own selves.

In other words, we all look at truth—including God’s Truth, the Bible—through our own warped lenses. The more dishonest we are with ourselves, the more warped our lenses will be, and the more warped our lenses, the more we will distort all truth (including God’s Truth) to make it match our perception of reality—and thereby interpret it to say what we want it to say. Alternatively, the more honest we are with ourselves (less defensive, etc.) the less warped will be our lenses, and the clearer we will see all truth, including God’s Truth. I believe it is impossible to be intellectually honest without being personally honest.

If we want to interpret God’s Word correctly and see and hear what God is really saying, we need to start by “melting” our hardened hearts (the cause of which is personal dishonesty and defensiveness), and by becoming courageously honest with ourselves.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be real, authentic, and courageously honest with myself so I can see your Word more clearly, and follow your directives more closely. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Mark 8:17-18 (NIV).