Arthur Berry was a charming man who loved only the finest things life had to offer. During the Roaring ’20s he was a master thief who stole from only the wealthiest people. Berry was eventually caught and spent the next 18 years in prison. After serving his sentence he moved to a small town in New England where he led a quiet life.

Some years later word got out who he was and his true identity was revealed and a horde of reporters came to interview the notorious thief. One reporter asked him, “Do you remember who it was that you stole the most from?”

Berry replied, “The person that I stole the most from was Arthur Berry. I could have made a contribution to society. I could have been a teacher. I could have been a businessman. I could have done anything worthwhile, but instead I spent two-thirds of my adult life in prison. I have spent a lifetime robbing myself.”²

While you and I would never steal a man’s property, we may steal his reputation through idle gossip. And while most of us will never receive notoriety through criminal behavior, I wonder how many of us have robbed ourselves in that, when it comes to eternal values, we have wasted our life investing it only in earthly possessions and things that have no eternal value. And when we stand face to face with Jesus our Savior, will have “nothing to offer but leaves?”

Remember, though, it is never too late to start investing your life in eternity and eternal values. As martyred missionary, Jim Elliot, said, “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to so live that my life will be an investment in eternity so that I will not be embarrassed at your coming or when I stand before you at the end of my life’s journey. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 2 Timothy 4:7-8 (NIV).

2. Rochelle Pennington, “The Golden Formula,” Pathways Press. Cited in Bits & Pieces, July 2004, p. 5.

I have read how, on one occasion, the English evangelist George Whitefield (1714-1770) received a very critical letter accusing him of doing something wrong. His reply was brief and to the point: “I thank you heartily for your letter. As for what you and my other enemies are saying against me, I know worse about myself than you will ever say about me. With love in Christ, George Whitefield.”

Whitefield didn’t defend himself, probably because he wasn’t guilty of what he was being accused of doing. Very often the guiltier we are, the more defensive we become. Or we can become very defensive if we are more concerned about our image than we are about pleasing God, or if we are very insecure and have a need to appear “perfect” in our own eyes and those of others. In so doing the only person I fool is me.

I’ve been called a few rather demeaning things on more than one occasion. My immediate response has been, “Yes, sometimes I am.” On these occasions I had no need to get defensive because I didn’t feel threatened or guilty. Even if I had been guilty of what I had been accused of doing, it would have been more constructive to admit my guilt and do all I could to put things right.

I think what today’s Scripture is saying is that in all conflict situations it is much more constructive to find a point of agreement with your adversary as quickly as possible.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me when I am being accused or criticized, not to be defensive, but to find a point of agreement, and also to admit when I am in the wrong and do what I can to put things right. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

1. Matthew 5:25.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to love open, honest, and authentic people—and how difficult it is to even like defensive, dishonest people who are living in denial?

A good definition of denial has been called Truth Decay. In the long run denial can be extremely destructive to one’s physical, mental and spiritual health—and also destructive to relationships, and to the emotional and spiritual health of families and societies.

True, as children many of us were forced to build defenses around our feelings in order to survive. However, as adults we need to rid ourselves of unhealthy defenses in order to fully live and fully love—that is, to live productive lives and develop healthy, lasting and loving relationships. As long as I live behind a mask—no matter how attractive that mask may appear—I can never feel loved because my mask is not me. Only real people can get close to others and experience intimacy and real love.

Furthermore, the more dishonest I am with my inner self (my true feelings and motives), the more I will distort all other truth—including God’s truth—to make it match my perception of reality, and use it to justify my behavior. Ultimately I end up unhappily believing my own lies.

So where do we begin to overcome the problem of denial, which may very well be the most destructive personal and societal problem we have?

First, let’s call denial what it is. It’s SIN—and a destructive sin at that. Remember, it’s just as big a sin to lie to myself as it is to lie to anyone else. We can call poison by any name we like, but poison is still poison. Same goes for sin. We can call it freedom of choice, misspeak, or by any other fancy name to give it a sugar coating and make it sound attractive, but that makes it all the more deceptive and dangerous.

Second, confession. Remember that we change the world one person at a time. The first person to start with is myself. I need to realize that I can be as guilty of the sin of denial as anyone else and come to God with a genuine and humble heart asking him to “search my heart” and reveal to me, no matter how painful it may be, any areas in my life where I may be in denial and to confront me with the truth about myself.

Third, realize that without access to the truth there is no healing or recovery of individuals or societies, and there is no freedom but self-deceptive bondage. As Jesus said, only the truth sets people free (see John 8:32). It is not without good reason that God “desires truth in our innermost being.”

Fourth, accept the fact that pain was the way into denial and pain is the way out of it. As they say in AA, “It’s not the truth that hurts us but letting go of the lies.” Indeed, facing one’s truth can be painful but incredibly freeing and ultimately fulfilling. I say painful because it usually takes painful experiences to break through our self-defeating defenses.

Finally, the pursuit of truth needs to be a life-long journey. It is a journey that leads to fully living and fully loving—and ultimately to life everlasting. Lies are of the devil and ultimately lead to hell here on earth and in the life to come.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, in the words of the psalmist, ‘Search me . . . and know my heart. Try me, and know my anxieties. And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.’ No matter what the cost, please deliver me from the sin of denial. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 139:23-24 (NKJV).

I once asked a group what they felt was the Christian’s number one problem. One jokester called out, “Apathy, but who cares?” Another said, “I don’t know and I don’t care.” As the old saying goes, “many a true word is spoken in jest.”

Yes, I agree that one of our major problems is apathy. According to a journalist who writes for the LA Times newspaper, one reason why vocal radical minorities are winning in areas such as gay marriage, partial birth abortion, etc., is because enough Christians don’t care enough to do anything about it. They sit back, do nothing, let it all happen—and when it’s too late, cry, “Foul.” The fact that in this country (the U.S.), according to a report by Chuck Colson, only 33% of evangelical Christians are registered to vote speaks volumes about our apathy. How soon we forget that “the price of freedom is eternal vigilance!”

However, apathy is just one of our problems. While we all struggle with various problems to one degree or another, my personal belief—either rightly or wrongly—is that our biggest problem is that of denial; that is, being unreal (avoiding the truth about ourselves). We hide our true feelings and motives behind a facade or mask of busyness, intellectualism, performance, success, achievement, religiosity, saccharine sweetness, rationalization, belligerence, control of others, addictive behaviors, superficiality, over-conscientiousness, self-righteousness, aggressiveness, satirical humor, shyness, a negative critical attitude, and any one of a hundred or more other ways—including apathy.

Some of us who say we stand on the Word of God actually hide behind it. Ironically we use God’s Truth as a defense to avoid facing the truth about ourselves. Controlling, dictatorial religious leaders do this. They hide their deep insecurities behind a façade of theological rigidity, super-spirituality, and/or authoritarianism—and deny that they are in denial.

Sadly, people living in denial don’t recognize what authenticity is and, in fact, are threatened by it. They may withdraw from authentic people. For others, it “rattles the cage” of their phony facade and, when they are in denial, they tend to shout all the louder and get even more belligerent, or become very defensive.

To be continued . . . .

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that the principles found in your Word, the Bible, are for our protection, well-being, and for our personal freedom. Help me to live in harmony with your will and be truthful in my innermost being—truthful to myself, to my closest companions, and above all truthful to you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 51:6 (NIV).

No doubt, most of us, at one time or another, have been hurt deeply either through a misunderstanding or purposely by another. When we are, how do we handle our hurt and angry feelings in a gracious and God-like manner? Not always easily I have to admit.

Recently I received a letter from a pastor that was the most vitriolic letter I had ever received from a church leader in over 40 years of ministry. It was over an extremely simple issue. In an advertisement in a pastor’s magazine I had offered a free copy of my I Hate Witnessing book providing the recipient paid only for the postage. One pastor, after he received the book, accused me of extortion because I offered the book for free but requested he pay the postage. He added further nasty words about California Christians. He told me never to contact him or his church again! I don’t get my feelings hurt very often, but I confess, this letter not only hurt my feelings, but it also ticked me off (triggered my anger).

So how did I respond? Not in a hurry as I know it is never wise to answer anyone when feeling hurt, upset and/or angry. I admit that I wanted to give this man a piece of my mind so when I was ready to reply, I had to pray that God would help me to be “as Jesus” to this man. I did reply and sent this man a copy of the ad where it was very clear in two places that the book was free providing the recipient pay only for the postage.

Before mailing the letter, however, I sat on it for a couple of days, and also had Joy, my wife, read it to make sure there wasn’t any bitterness in what I had written.

The day before I wrote the first draft of this letter, I read the following timely quote from Leonard Hodgson who said: “Whenever pain is so borne as to be prevented from breeding bitterness or any other evil fruit, a contribution is made to rescuing God’s creation from the devil’s grip.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, whenever I am hurt and feel unjustly criticized, please help me always to deal with my emotions in a creative way, never lash out and hurt back, and always be ‘as Jesus’ to the one who lashed out at me. And when the criticism is justified, please help me to accept it graciously and make changes wherever such is needed. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Peter 3:10-12.

P.S. In addition, at the time of writing, of the 430+ pastors (including a few church leaders) who received a free copy of the book—two months later—only 75 had paid for the postage. I will send a third reminder, graciously.

In his book, Confidence, Alan Loy McGinnis talks about a famous study entitled, “Cradles of Eminence” written by Victor and Mildred Goertzel, in which the family background of 300 highly successful people were studied.

Many of the people in the study were well-known personalities including Franklin D. Roosevelt, Helen Keller, Winston Churchill, Albert Schweitzer, and Gandhi. And Einstein—all of whom were brilliant in their field of expertise.

The results of this study are both surprising and very encouraging for those of us who came from a less than desirable family background and home life. For example:

“Three-quarters of the children were troubled by poverty, a broken home, or by rejecting, over-possessive or dominating parents.

“Seventy-four of the 85 writers of fiction or drama and 10 of the 20 poets came from homes where they saw tense psychological drama played out by their parents.

“Physical handicaps, such as blindness, deafness, or crippled limbs characterized over one-quarter of the sample.”

These people may have had more weaknesses and handicaps than many who had a healthy upbringing, but lacked confidence. What made the difference? Perhaps, realizing they had weaknesses, they compensated for these by excelling in other areas.

One man said, “What has influenced my life more than any other single thing has been my stammer. Had I not stammered, I probably would have gone to Cambridge as my brothers did, perhaps have become a tutor, and every now and then published a dreary book about French literature.” This man who stammered until his death was W. Somerset Maughan, “a world-renowned author of more than 20 books, 30 plays, and scores of essays and short stories.”

It’s not what we have or don’t have that matters in life, but what we do with what we have. God wants us to acknowledge past hurts and grow through them. In so doing, we don’t allow our past to determine our future.

Someone has wisely said, “It may be true that I have been a victim in the past, but if I remain one, I am now a willing volunteer.” No matter what our background was, when we trust our lives daily to God, and work through our past hurts to resolution, we can and do have hope for the future. It’s up to us what we do about the present. Once we have resolved our past hurts, we can say, as did the Apostle Paul, “One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to realize, as an adult, that while I wasn’t responsible for my background, I am totally responsible for what I do about resolving all past hurts and for becoming, with your help, the person you have envisioned for me to be. Lead me always on the pathway of truth and responsibility. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV).

2. Philippians 3:13-14 (NKJV).

These men may have been blind physically but they had great spiritual vision. They saw with their mind’s eye what they wanted and went for it—and received it. Life’s like that. Basically, what we see is what we get. If we see ourselves as failures, we will set ourselves up to fail. And if we see ourselves as unlovable, we will set ourselves up to be rejected in love.

On the other hand, if we see ourselves as successful we will succeed in what we want to do with our life. If we see ourselves as lovable, we will never be lacking in giving and receiving love.

As Antoine de Saint-Exupery so eloquently said, “A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.” Michelangelo expressed the same idea when he said, “I saw the angel in the marble and kept chiseling until I set it free.”

What do you see about your life? “Two men looked through prison bars, one saw mud and the other saw stars!” If you are seeing mud, look up and see what God sees in you. He sees the “angel” within you and wants you to become that person. And if you have faith enough and act accordingly, you can become that person—and it will be done to you.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you see the ‘angel’ within me—the person that you envision for me to be. Help me to see your vision for me that, with faith, persistence, hard work, and your help, I can become. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 9:27-30 (NIV).

Most of us suffer from fears, anxiety, stress, and various degrees of depression and the “blues” at various times of our life. It’s when these feelings are affecting our daily functioning for extended periods, or when they are debilitating, that they become a problem for many.

However, during the Christmas and holiday season depression and the “blues” increases considerably for many. This can be caused by increased stresses, the loss of income, and especially because of the loss of a loved one, broken or impaired relationships, no meaningful relationships, being away at war and/or separated from family and loved ones, and just plain old-fashioned loneliness.

Unfortunately, I don’t know of any simple answers for how to cope with the holiday blues when one is facing adverse circumstances. Simple, pat answers can be even more depressing. Certainly we need to trust God, but even Jesus needed personal friends and relationships—and so do we. We were created for relationships, not only with God, but also with each other. And we especially need loving, warm relationships at Christmas time—when it is meant to be “peace on earth good will toward men.”

I don’t want to sound simplistic as I have known times of loneliness when nothing seemed to take away the pain. But if you will be alone at Christmas time, for some it can help a little if you can reach out to help someone else who might be lonely, or call some people on the phone and wish them a happy Christmas. Or invite someone to your home for Christmas dinner, or contact your (or another local church) to see if they have a program for the lonely at Christmas that you could attend, or better still, that you could help with.

I would like to think that most churches put on a special family style dinner for the lonely at Christmas or have a program where members open their homes for the lonely during the holidays.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be sensitive to the needs of others—especially the lonely—during this holiday season, and reach out in a practical way to help bring comfort to someone in need. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 2:13-14 (NIV).

We have already pointed out that happiness is many things to many people. It means knowing and accepting ourselves for who we are; learning to live with circumstances we are not able to change; having a worthwhile and noble purpose for which to live; and having something of value to do.

“If you find a really happy man,” states one author, “you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, or growing double dahlias in his garden. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a button that has rolled under the wardrobe, he will not be striving for it as a goal in itself, he will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life to the full twenty-four hours of the day.”

The happy person also has healthy relationships with other people. The person who lives only for himself is immature and usually miserable. Even the ancient Greeks had a word for the self-centered person. It was idios from which we get our word, “idiot.” It means belonging to one’s self.

To love and be loved is without question one of mankind’s greatest needs for happiness. Without love all else in life is meaningless. Once again, however, love comes from within. If we give love we will receive love. That is a law of life. Unfortunately, many people, especially in childhood, were hurt because of a lack of love and as adults are afraid to love for fear of being hurt again. With effective counseling and the will to overcome, this fear can usually be conquered.

A well-integrated self is also needed for happiness. If the self is whole and mature, happiness will follow.

The greatest man who ever lived, Jesus Christ, is our great example. He developed in every area of his life. He “increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.”² That is, he matured mentally, physically, spiritually, socially, and emotionally. We need to do the same.

Finally, character and a clear conscience are critical for lasting happiness. To feel forgiven for all the wrongs one has done gives one a deep sense of freedom. Any wrongs, therefore, that we have done need to be put right and any impaired relationships resolved. Not only do we need our brother’s forgiveness, but also God’s. When we confess our sins and faults to him, he always forgives us. We then need to forgive ourselves.*

Remember, happiness is a process not an event. Diligently follow the process and happiness/contentment will be the rich reward.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you have given me the principles in your Word for finding lasting peace, contentment, and happiness. Give me a love for your word so that I will know how to live and therein find the inner peace, contentment, and happiness you promise to all who put you first and follow your ways. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

* For further help read, “Forgiveness: The Power That Heals” at: http://tinyurl.com/forgive-to-heal.

1. Matthew 5:6 (AMP).

2. Luke 2:52.

As we said yesterday, happiness is many things to many people. For one thing, it means we need to know and accept ourselves for who we are.

Happiness also means learning to accept my personal circumstances. Some of them can be changed. Others can’t. And unless I accept the ones that can’t be changed, I’ll never be happy or content. As blind Helen Keller said, “I thank God for my handicaps, for through them I have found myself, my work, and my God.”

Happiness is also having a worthwhile goal . . . a noble purpose for which to live . . . something of value to strive for.

I was once talking to a union representative on a construction job. At the time he was also demonstrating for a cause that was popular back then. He told me he joined this group because it gave him something to live for. I don’t know if this man is still demonstrating for a cause, but certainly everybody needs something to live for other than himself and his own happiness.

Happiness in itself is not a worthwhile goal to live for. To be happy all of the time is unreal, as happiness is only one of life’s great emotions. To be in touch with all of one’s feelings is more important than being happy all of the time. To feel sad, hurt, angry, afraid, and unhappy at the appropriate times is both normal and healthy. However, if one is unhappy most of the time, this is nature’s way of telling him/her that something is missing in his life or some conflict needs resolving.

To be happy, or at least fulfilled, one also needs to have worthwhile work (paid or volunteer) into which one can put one’s best efforts. Note, too, that when our work is helping to meet others needs, this can be very fulfilling.

Everybody has some talents; so it is important that he/she discover his/her gifts, receive adequate training to sharpen them, and find a place to use them. This is equally true for both men and women.

It is a wise man who helps his wife find, develop, and use her special gifts. He will reap just rewards through his wife’s increased fulfillment and happiness. And so it is for a wise woman for her husband.

To be continued. . . .

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to realize that happiness comes much more through who I am rather than what I do. Help me to become the person you want me to be and then find further fulfillment and happiness with what I do with my life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

1. Philippians 4:11-12 (NIV).