A Daily Encounter reader who has been hurt deeply asks, “Do you have any insight into dealing with the strong emotions that arise from being deeply hurt and wounded?

Dear Fred (not his real name), one way you can help “drain the pain” of hurt feelings is to write out your feelings. David did this in several of his Psalms. I think he was a man after God’s own heart—not because of his behavior—but because of his being open and honest with himself and with God. When you write, write as if you are writing a letter to the one who hurt you. Express all your feelings in all their intensity to this person. Then read the letter to God telling him that this is exactly the way you feel (he knows it anyhow)—then tear up the letter and destroy it. Write again and again doing the same thing until all your hurt and angry feelings are dissipated. But never, never, never send one of these letters to anybody. At a later time, should you feel a need to write or contact the person in question, remember always to write and speak the truth in love—never in blaming anger.

God also gave us tears to help drain the pain of hurt feelings. So give yourself permission to weep with all your heart. The fact is, until we have learned to weep with all our heart, we are not free to love with all our heart. Tears, however, are for expressing grief … not anger. Anger needs to be expressed in writing, verbalized, or both.

Also, everyone needs at least one person he/she can trust implicitly with whom to share his/her feelings. It needs to be an understanding and caring person, who listens and accepts us with all our hurt and angry feelings, but won’t give us advice, preach at us, or tell us what we should or shouldn’t do or feel. And, if necessary, have several sessions with a qualified Christian counselor to help you work through and resolve your feelings.

And of course be sure to tell God exactly how you feel and to lead you to the help you need to resolve your hurt and angry feelings so you can get to a point of genuine forgiveness. Failing to forgive will only hurt you. It’s “like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you always understand what I am feeling and will always accept me when I openly and honestly confess and share my feelings with you no matter what those feelings are. Help me always to be honest with myself and with you and please help me find a faithful friend with whom I can feel safe to be open and honest—a friend who will always love and accept me no matter how I feel. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

For additional help see articles online at: https://learning.actsweb.org/articles/Recovery.php.

1. Job 16:19-20 (NLT).

A man bought a parrot at an auction after some heavy bidding. “I hope this bird talks,” he told the auctioneer.

“Talk,” the auctioneer replied. “Who do you think has been bidding against you for the past ten minutes?”

Sad to say, we seem to be living in a day when a person’s word has less and less value. Once upon a time a man’s word was his bond. Not any more, I’m afraid. For many people today their word doesn’t mean a thing. We’re pretty adept at parroting what we think people want to hear.

I remember one of my college professors teaching us that a person’s character could be measured by what value he or she put on their word. People who don’t keep their word simply cannot be trusted. This principle applies, not only to some politicians who promise anything to get votes, but also to every one of us who do not keep our promises or our word.

Fortunately, however, of one thing we can be certain, God always keeps his Word and always keeps his promises. To be Christ-like, we need to do the same! For after all, it’s what we do, not what we say, that speaks the loudest of all.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please make me a man/woman of my word so I can always be trusted to say what I mean, mean what I say, and do what I say I will do. And thank you that your Word can always be trusted. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 14:23 (NIV).

Recently, when watching an interview on TV, I found it sickening to see the following reasoning: An individual who was being interviewed—who happened to be an illegal immigrant—was asked why she was here, and why she didn’t want to work. Her answer was that she had a right to be here, and a right to be taken care of, her “justification” being that because God had blessed the U.S.A., it was the will of Jesus that she live here and be taken care of. In her thinking it was owing to her. She was obviously a member of the “entitlement society” as she was an able-bodied woman and quite capable of working, and quite capable of applying for a permit to be in the country legally.

Certainly I believe that people who are genuinely unable to take care of themselves because of a serious disability, need to be cared for. But to take care of people who are capable of working and taking care of themselves, is a case of irresponsible codependency. Whether this is at an individual or a national level makes no difference, it is a gross form of irresponsibility both on the part of the care-giver and the care-receiver. The one is as sick as the other. To take care of people who can take care of themselves reinforces their irresponsibility and keeps them sickeningly over-dependent and immature.

By way of interest, God will bend the heavens to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves–that’s why he sent Jesus, his Son, to die in our place on the cross to save us from the lethal consequences of our sins—but he will not do for us what we are able to do for ourselves.

Yes, people have right “rights” but not wrong “rights” in that they do not have the right to be irresponsible and live off other peoples’ hard work and efforts when they are capable of taking care of themselves. As today’s Scripture says, “‘If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” It is tragic that too many leaders don’t get it, as it appears that they are more interested in getting votes than they are in the lasting welfare of both individuals and society at large.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to always see what my responsibilities are, accept them, and do what I need to do—always in all ways. And deliver me from the sin of using ‘my so called rights’ as an excuse to justify my avoidance of personal responsibility. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 2 Thessalonians 3:7-10 (NIV).

Dwight L. Moody, the famous evangelist, was once told by an irate church lady, “Mr. Moody, I don’t like the way you do your evangelism.”

In reply, Mr. Moody said, “I don’t necessarily like all of it either, but it’s the best way I know how. Tell me, how do you do it?”

“Oh, I don’t,” was the reply.

“Well,” said Moody, “I like the way I’m doing it better than the way you’re not doing it.”

It’s always easy to know what to do when we don’t have to do the job, and very easy to criticize others when we’re not doing the work ourselves.

Some time ago when I was a member of a large group and things weren’t going too well, I was asked what I thought about the situation and what could be done to improve things. I said I didn’t feel I had the right to criticize unless I was prepared to do something about it. I was, however, prepared to help, and with several of us working together things greatly improved.

In this instance as in most other instances, criticism without offering help would have only made matters worse and caused greater dissension among group members—something that happens to be detestable to God! So, if we’re not willing to put our shoulder to the wheel and help, let’s not stir up dissension through negative criticism.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be positive in all that I say and do and not have a negative, critical attitude when I am not prepared to do anything to bring about creative and helpful change. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:31 (NLT)

As a youth I never felt fully loved. For many years I substituted approval for love. I got lots of approval for the many good things I did and, yes, it felt good at the time, but it never satisfied or lasted. Why?

Approval is based on what we do. Affirmation is based on who we are. Approval is a good thing when given and received for the right reasons, but when substituted for love, it can become another addiction to avoid facing the pain of not feeling loved.

Many of us codependents suffer from this affliction. We only feel good when we feel needed. But deep down what we really need is to feel loved and affirmed at the core of our being—for who we are and not for what we do. Most of all, we need to experience love and affirmation from God the heavenly Father. Only when we feel so affirmed, can we get off the merry-go-round of doing things to get approval.

And how do we experience God the Father’s love and affirmation at the core of our being? First, by believing that God loves us because his Word says so. And second, by sharing my total self (including my dark side) with one or two safe and trusted friends who will love and accept me just as I am—warts and all. As they love and accept me in this way, little by little, I come to love and accept myself, and in so doing, I open myself to accepting God the Father’s love and acceptance through them.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to believe, know, and experience your love for me in the core of my being. Help me to find a trusted friend who reflects your unconditional love and with whom I can share my total self, ‘warts and all,’ and experience your love through them. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

For further help, see articles on “Recovery: Healing the Wounds That Bind Us,” online at: https://learning.actsweb.org/articles/Recovery.php.

1. Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV).

Colonel George Washington Goethals, the man responsible for the completion of the Panama Canal, had stifling problems with the climate and the geography of Central America. Driving rains, incredible heat, and deadly disease were problems that never left his task. But his biggest challenge was the growing criticism back home from those who predicted he’d never finish the project. The voices of the critics appeared to be the biggest problem of all.

Finally, a colleague asked him, “Aren’t you going to answer these critics?”

“In time,” answered Goethals.

“When?” his partner asked.

“When the canal is finished,” replied Goethals.²

Criticism can be very hurtful and discouraging; that is, if we allow it to be. Admittedly, it takes a good amount of healthy self-confidence to be able to withstand the cutting remarks of jealous, lesser people. As long as we are living and working in harmony with God’s Word and his will, we can, with God’s help, choose not to allow criticism to control us.

I like what one person said, “What you think of me is none of my business!”

So, let’s make sure we are not critical, negative, discouraging people. And if people criticize us, let our deeds speak for themselves.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me not to be a critical person. Help me to live in harmony with your will so if I am criticized, I will let my actions and what I do be my answer to my critics. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 2 Corinthians 12:20 (NLT).

2. The Timothy Report, Copyright (c) 2004 Swan Lake Communications, http://www.timothyreport.com. Cited on andy_chaps-thefunnies.

You may have seen the following parable on the web, but it stands repeating.

A son and his father were walking on the mountains. Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: “AAAhhhhhhhhhh!” To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain: “AAAhhhhhhhhhh!”

Curious, he yells: “Who are you?”

He receives the answer: “Who are you?”

Angered at the response, he screams: “Coward!”

He receives the answer: “Coward!”

He looks to his father and asks: “What’s going on?”

The father smiles and says: “Son, pay attention.”

And then he screams to the mountain: “I admire you!”

The voice answers: “I admire you!”

Again the man screams: “You are a champion!”

The voice answers: “You are a champion!”

The boy is surprised, but does not understand.

Then the father explains: “People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do.²

Thomas Dreier said, “The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The world is what you are.”

As Jesus said, “What we sow is what we reap.” If we sow negativity, we will reap negativity. If we sow bitterness, we will reap bitterness. If we sow criticism, we will reap criticism. On the other hand, if we sow love, we will reap love. If we sow friendship, we will reap friendship. If we sow encouragement, we will reap encouragement. Life gives back what we give to it.

Be sure to sow seeds of kindness, encouragement, and love today—and every day—and you will find, in time, that is exactly what you will receive back. For what we project is what we get back.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your Word, the Bible, that teaches everyday principles for meaningful living. Please help me always to sow seeds of kindness, encouragement, and love wherever I go and no matter with whom I am. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1. Galatians 6:7 (NIV)

2. Unknown author. Seen on the Internet.

A successful man known for his generosity was driving his new car through a poor part of town. A boy tried to flag him down. The man didn’t want to get involved, so pretended he didn’t see the child. As he slowed for a red traffic light, he heard a loud crash. Someone had thrown a brick at his car, denting the trunk.

The man stopped, jumped out of his car and grabbed the boy that threw the brick. “You juvenile delinquent!” he yelled. “You’ll pay for this or go to jail!”

“I’m sorry, mister,” the boy cried. “My mom’s lying on the floor in our apartment. I think she’s dying. Our phone’s been cut off and I’ve been trying for ten minutes to get someone to stop. I didn’t know what else to do! Take me to jail, but please, call a doctor for my mom first.”

The man was filled with shame. “I’m a doctor,” he said and asked, “where is she?” The boy took him to his mother and the doctor administered CPR and called an ambulance.

“Will she live?” the boy sobbed.

“Yes, son, she will,” the doctor said.

“Then it’s worth going to jail. I’m so sorry I ruined your car. You can take me in now.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” the doctor said. “It was my fault you had to throw a brick to get my attention.”

The doctor made sure the boy was taken care of, and as he drove home he resolved not to fix the dent. He would keep it as a reminder that not everyone in need has a brick to throw.²

Or, as another version concluded, “Don’t go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention! God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don’t have time to listen, he has to throw a “brick” at us. It’s our choice: Listen to the whisper…or wait for the brick!”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me a sensitive heart and a listening ear so that when someone in need reaches out for help, I will stop and be as Jesus to this person simply because of your love and all that you have done for me. Help me never to forget this. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 10:42 (NLT).

2. Author unknown. Variations seen on the Internet.

A boy who was a witness to a crime was on the witness stand in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, “Did anyone tell you what to say in the court?”

“Yes, Sir,” the boy answered.

“I thought so,” said the attorney. “Who was it?”

“My father, Sir,” said the boy.

“And what did he tell you?” the attorney asked accusingly.

“He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I stuck to the truth, everything would be all right.”²

Need I say more except to say that one of my constant prayers is that God will help me to be a herald (messenger) of grace and truth—and help me to live it first; and always to be a truth-teller and never a people-pleaser-teller!

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me, no matter what the situation, to always tell the truth so that I will never get tangled up in lies and thereby sacrifice my integrity. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:15-16 (TLB)(NLT).

2. Cited in Parables, etc., July 2004.

Dr. Leslie Flynn writes about the time when the English and French were at war in colonial Canada. “Admiral Phipps, in charge of the British Fleet, was ordered to anchor outside Quebec, a city on the St. Lawrence River. He was to await the coming of the British infantry and then join the land forces in attack.

“Arriving early, Admiral Phipps, an ardent nonconformist, was annoyed by the statues of the saints that adorned the roof and towers of the Catholic cathedral. So he spent his time shooting at them with the ship’s guns. How many he hit we don’t know, but history recorded that when the infantry arrived and the signal was given to attack, the admiral found himself out of ammunition. He had used it for shooting out the saints.”

I sometimes wonder, in the church, how much of our efforts are poured into fighting among ourselves over insignificant trivialities, and “shooting our wounded,” instead of uniting our efforts to attack the real enemy such as greed, dishonesty, immoral living, violence, abortion, gay marriage, pornography—and any and everything else that is harmful to people and society.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me not to waste my time, energy, and resources on trivialities or majoring on minors, but always to major on the majors. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Peter 3:8-9 (NIV).