Way back in AD 10 Julius Frontinus said, “Inventions have reached their limit, and I see no hope for further development.” Even Thomas Edison, the great inventor, was at times himself a doubting Thomas. He said, “Fooling around with alternating current is a waste of time.” In 1934 Albert Einstein, of all people, declared, “There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will be obtainable.”

For many of us if change doesn’t compute with what we have seen or experienced, there can be a tendency for us to reject it.

Most of the religious people of Christ’s day died without ever having found their Messiah even though they were looking for him—and saw him in person. They rejected him because he didn’t come in the way that they expected, nor did he do what they expected a Messiah to do; that is, to come in great power and overthrow the Roman rule.

When God wants to do a new, or at least a renewed, work in many of our churches, organizations, and/or individual lives, sometimes we don’t want to see it because we resist change.

True, there are some things that don’t change, such as moral principles as taught in the Word of God; and we need to stand firm on these issues. And while the gospel message never changes, we need to change some of our methods of communicating it. The Internet and email have revolutionized communications, but take a look at the average church web site and you’ll be hard pressed to find a relevant gospel message. What you will mostly find is an electronic bulletin board for the church members. Once again we’re mostly using this incredible God-given means of communication and outreach to “preach to the choir.”

You don’t catch fish in the bathtub—you go to where the fish are. It’s the same with reaching the non-church community. We need to go where non-church people are, and that’s outside the four walls of the church. To do this effectively we need to have a message that is relevant to the needs of non-church people … spoken in non-churchy language and addressed to the felt needs of non-church people.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me the insight to see what changes I need to make in my life, and give me the courage to do what I need to do to implement these changes so I will be a more effective Christian and a more effective witness to your saving power in my life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

NOTE: To see one simple yet effective way you can share your faith simply go to https://learning.actsweb.org/announce.php.

1. John 1:11 (NKJV).

In much younger days as a young Christian I wanted to do the right thing and while I am tremendously thankful to my parents for bringing me up in a church where I heard God’s message of salvation, our church did have a few legalistic tendencies. One of which was that we were made to feel guilty if we weren’t regularly “witnessing” for the Lord. That meant we were supposed to be always telling someone about Jesus and how they could get saved. The idea was fine, but the methods and motives were awful.

I did my best to be a good witness but as I look back, most of those bumbling attempts at witnessing probably did more to drive people away from the Lord than to draw them to him. At those times I was so scared and uptight that if someone would have stuck a pin in me (graphically speaking), I probably would have burst.

There were a few other “shoulds” too. It was like this little voice inside my head saying, “You have to do this … you have to do that. You mustn’t do this. You mustn’t do that,” and so on. I used to think this voice was God telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing. In fact, if the little voice in my head would have told me to stand on my head, I probably would have done it—at least where nobody would have seen me!

Fortunately, I was also taught to “test the spirits” which I did and discovered that this little voice inside my head was a compulsion from within, rather than a conviction from without; that is, it wasn’t from God. It can be difficult to discern the difference between a compulsion and a conviction, but simply put, a compulsion is where one feels relentlessly driven while a conviction is where one feels more a gentle drawing. With a compulsion the little voice in your head drives you nuts until you do what it tells you to do. With a conviction that comes from God, there is always a sense of freedom because “where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty.” One is always free to say, “No.”

Just because a little voice inside your head “speaks” to you is no guarantee that it is from God or from God’s Spirit. If this “voice” is continually plaguing you, it may be OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) which may need professional help and medication to bring it under control. It could be associated with one’s need to be a people pleaser in order to feel loved by one’s leaders and/or peers (I’m pretty sure this was a part of my problem). It could also come from one’s need to get attention from one’s peers and feel important because “God speaks to me.” Or it could be from the evil one who knows he can’t pull us down into a life of sin and degradation, so he seeks to “push us over the top so we become so heavenly minded we are of no earthly use.”

I’m not saying that God doesn’t “speak” to us or that God’s Spirit doesn’t lead us. Not at all. But we need a discerning spirit to know the true source of these inner “voices” or convictions whether they are from God, the evil one, or from our own neurotic tendencies. It begins by learning to pray the right prayer such as the following:

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me a discerning spirit so that when I hear an ‘inner voice’ I will know whether it is from you, the enemy, or from my own self. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 John 4:1 (NIV).

NOTE: See also the Daily Encounter on “Arm-Twisting for God” at: https://learning.actsweb.org/daily.php?id=141

“A woman has a dream where she wanders into a shop at the mall and finds Jesus behind the counter.

“Jesus says, ‘You can have anything your heart desires.’

“Astounded but pleased, she asks for [the fruit of] peace, joy, happiness, wisdom, and freedom from fear. Then she adds, ‘Not just for me, but for the whole earth.’

“Jesus smiles and says, ‘I think you misunderstand me. We don’t sell fruits, only seeds.’”²

It’s true … what we sow is what we reap. If we sow seeds of bitterness, we will reap bitterness. If we sow seeds of disharmony, we will reap disharmony. But if we sow seeds of joy, we will reap joy, and if we sow seeds of love, we will reap love.

So whatever you do, be sure to plant the seeds of whatever it is you want to reap.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to plant seeds of love, joy, peace, gentleness, and kindness everywhere I go. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Galatians 6:7 (NKJV).

2. Bruce Mc Nichol and Bill Thrall, The Ascent of a Leader, Jossey Bass, 1999. Cited in Encounter magazine (Australia) June/July 2004

“Loneliness,” as Karen Carpenter used to sing so sadly, “it’s such a sad affair.” Indeed it is. It’s one of the plagues of modern Western society.

Dr. James Lynch, a former medical researcher at John Hopkins, contends in his book, The Broken Heart, that loneliness is the number one physical killer today. It can literally break your heart.

“Using actuarial tables from ten years research, Dr. Lynch says that those who live alone—single, widowed, divorced—have premature death rates from two to ten times higher than individuals who live with others. Living alone, he says, does not necessarily produce loneliness, but the two are often related. Among divorced people, suicide is five times higher, fatal car accidents four times higher.

“People who live alone visit physicians more frequently than married people, and they stay in hospitals twice as long for identical illnesses.”²

It may not be the most desirable for everyone but we can live without romantic relationships, but none of us can live healthily without at least one or two healthy, close, loving relationships. Without such we limp along in the shadows of life, eking out a lonely existence … and die a little every day.

Dr. Lynch also reminds us that, “If we fail to form loving human relationships, our mental and physical health is in peril.”

Besides one’s family (if one has one) there’s no better place to find love and a sense of belonging than in a healthy, non-legalistic church where unconditional love, acceptance, and friendship are expressed in open, positive, and practical ways. In such a church God does set the lonely in families—that’s one reason God has designed the church as a family—the family of God.

Here, too, one can find God—the only one who can satisfy our innate sense of spiritual loneliness. “To live apart from him,” says psychologist, Dr. Norman Wright, “is the most pathetic loneliness of all.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, in my loneliness help me to always look to you and to a church where the people are loving and friendly—and never to any false substitute which would only end up increasing my sense of loneliness. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
‘

1. Psalm 68:6 (NIV).

2. From Perceptions—Observations on Everyday Life by Maxine Dunnam

Before I started publishing on the web, a man spoke to our ACTS board of directors seeking to have my writings rejected. Displaying several outreach brochures that I had written, he said to my board, “Are you going to allow this literature to be published? It has psychology in it and psychology is of the devil.” Our board obviously didn’t heed his advice.

Just recently I was asked, “Are you aware that psychology is based on the teachings of godless, and in some cases, Anti-Christian men?”

Sure, some psychology and counseling can be godless and some of the devil—so can some theology and preaching. There are plenty of both but does that make all psychology and all theology bad? Of course not.

As theology is the study and understanding of God, psychology is the study and understanding of man’s psyche—that is, the study of his mind and inner self, which involves his emotions and motives. Keep in mind, too, that God “desires truth in the innermost parts,”² which includes personal honesty with one’s emotions and motives.

The book of Proverbs urges us to seek wise counsel. And Jesus, more than any person ever, always understood what was going on in the mind and heart of his hearers—as well as that of his opponents—which made him the Master Psychologist par excellence.

Actually, if we don’t have a well-balanced understanding of people (psychology), it is all too easy to use theology and the Bible to manipulate people and keep them bound in denial and trapped in their problems. Such teachers have little or no understanding of the human mind and heart and can do considerable harm to the psyche of the people they seek to counsel. They are usually stuck in denial themselves. The religious Pharisees of Christ’s day were a classic example of this and we all know what Jesus had to say to them. It wasn’t nice!

The heart and soul of good psychology and counseling is to seek personal honesty—being honest with one’s self, with God, and with at least one trustworthy, non-judgmental and safe person. It involves the confession of sins, of buried and denied super-charged repressed negative emotions, and acknowledging our motives and seeing the reasons behind many of our negative behavior patterns and impaired relationships. Besides teaching personal honesty and integrity, it emphasizes the necessity of personal responsibility and growing towards wholeness. I’d say that’s about as biblically sound as one can get.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to face reality about myself and be ruthlessly honest so I can see both my strengths and my broken parts and bring the latter to you for your healing and recovery. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

P.S. True, we are all sinners by nature but unresolved personal issues cause us to act out in even more self- and other-destructive ways.

1. Proverbs 15:21-22 (NLT).

2. Psalm 51:6.

In classes/seminars I’ve taught over a number of years I have asked hundreds of people how many feel that they would like more love in their life. In response, most hands are raised. But when I ask how they can get more love, almost all answer, “By giving love.”

Sounds reasonable and works wonderfully well as long as we feel loved. The fact remains, however, that we cannot give what we haven’t got. In other words I can only give love to the degree that I have been and feel loved.

In my experience I don’t think there are many principles I find so simple and yet so profound in its effect—and so difficult for people to grasp—than teaching how to grow in love so that they will feel loved and have more love to give.

Here’s the principle: We love God because he first loved us. We love people exactly the same way—by someone first loving us!

Love is a lesson to be learned. We don’t come into the world knowing how to love—only with the capacity to learn love. If we grow up and live with love, we will learn how to love and become loving. If we don’t, we won’t. That is, if we don’t grow up in a loving home atmosphere, we won’t learn to feel loved or how to love. We become what we grow up with.

If we grew up with less than adequate love, we need to get it now. So how do we do this? As we said yesterday, we can only feel loved to the degree that we are known. In other words, to fully love we need to be fully known for who we truly are. That’s the scary thing that makes it so difficult for people to grasp.

I fear that if you know who I truly am with all of my fears, faults, and failures, you won’t like me, let alone love me. However, if I am with safe, loving people the exact opposite is true. The easiest people in the world to love are people who are real—who are honest—people who are not hiding behind a false mask pretending to be something or someone they are not.

In other words, I learn love by being with safe people; that is, non-judgmental, non-advice-giving, and non-trying-to-fix-me people. If you are a safe, trustworthy person, as I allow you to see my fears, failures and faults and you don’t judge me, tell me what I should or shouldn’t feel, be or do, but accept and love me as I truly am, little by little I learn to love and accept myself in exactly the same way. That reprogramming of the mind doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, patience, and persistence. Try as I might there is no other way to grow in love. There is no simple, quick-fix solution.

For the healing of persons, which includes healing in love, the Bible teaches us to confess our sins and faults to one another, to pray for one another so that we may be healed!² But don’t ever confess your sins and faults to unsafe people. If you do, you will only feel more rejection.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be open, honest and real with myself and with you, and to find at least one loving safe person with whom I can be totally open, honest and real and confess my fears, faults, failures and sins … and in so doing experience healing—and thereby learn to love and accept myself as you love and accept me. And then make me a loving channel through whom your love can flow to every life I touch. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 John 4:18-19 (NIV).

2. James 5:16.

A popular song from back in the ’60s or ’70s by Burt Bacharach was: “What the world needs now is love, sweet love / It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of / What the world needs now is love, sweet love / No not just for some but for everyone.”

Only those embittered and disillusioned by failure in love would disagree with those words. We were created for loving relationship, without which we limp along in the shadows of life eking out a lonely existence. And even while living with others such people may live together alone apart—and die a little every day.

It may not be most desirable, but we can live without romantic relationships, but we cannot live healthily nor can we get our love needs met without being in at least one—and hopefully—several healthy relationships.

Furthermore, we can only love and be loved to the degree that we are known. As long as I hide behind a false mask, no matter how attractive and likable that mask may be, I will never feel loved, because my mask is not me. That’s the person I’m pretending to be. Only real people find real love. What is more, only real people can experience a real relationship with God. I simply cannot feel close to God or anybody else as long as I hide behind a false mask.

Moreover, as Sydney Jourard wrote some years ago in his book, The Transparent Self, “Every maladjusted person is someone who has not made himself known to another human being and in consequence he does not know himself. Nor can he be himself. More than that, he struggles actively to avoid becoming known by another human being. He works ceaselessly at it day and night. And it is work!”

So to be healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually—and to find loving relationships—we need to come out of hiding and be real.

So how do we do this?

To be continued …

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be honest and real with myself and with you so that I will know and experience feeling close to you and learn how to find and experience loving relationships. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 145:18 (NIV).

Imagine living in a world without feelings? As someone noted in Reader‘s Digest some years ago, “Life without feelings would be like playing a trombone with a stuck slide”—incredibly dull and boring.

In a Daily Encounter when I talked about the need for effective communications at the feeling level for intimacy and stated that feelings, in and of themselves, are neither right nor wrong, one reader shared his thoughts as follows:

“I have read your column for as long as it has existed. I am a huge fan. But your column today was the first time I saw something that doesn’t make any sense. You said, ‘Feelings in and of themselves are neither right nor wrong.’ Sure they are. The psychopathic killer that gets upset by the slightest provocation and becomes enraged, certainly his feelings are wildly disproportionate to the slight, and leads to his killing someone.”

In my response I stated that feelings are feelings—and not actions. Feelings are an indication of what is going on in one’s inner self—often from the unconscious mind. They are an “emotional thermometer” as it were indicating the state of one’s inner self. The important thing is to learn how to discern what our feelings are telling us and then act appropriately.

For instance, if I have continuing feelings of anger, this is an indication that I probably have an unresolved relational conflict that I need to resolve. Or if I have ongoing feelings of guilt, this is an indication that I need to put something right and seek forgiveness. Think too of temptation. It starts in the mind. The thoughts and feelings associated with the temptation are neither right nor wrong. It’s what we do about them—or in response to them—that makes them either right or wrong.

The feelings of the psychopathic killer you talk about—among other things—undoubtedly has a major problem with unresolved anger/hostility. It was his failure (or inability because of his mental illness) to resolve his hostility, which led him to act out his feelings by killing someone, which was tragically wrong.

Recall that the Bible says, “Be angry, and do not sin.” It’s what we do about our anger that becomes either right or wrong—creative, or destructive and sinful. Remember, too, that what negative feelings we don’t talk out creatively, we will inevitably act out destructively.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to discern the source of any and all negative feelings and, when they are indicating that something in my life needs facing and resolving, help me to see the reality of this, and get the help I need to resolve them so I won’t act them out in destructive and sinful ways. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:26-27 (NKJV).

William James, the father of American psychology, stated that, “the greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind [your thinking].” He also said, “If you change your mind, you can change your life.”

While what William James said is true, this truth wasn’t discovered by his generation. Two thousand years ago God’s word pointed out the importance of right thinking.

It is true; we can change our lives by changing our thinking—either for good or bad. If we harbor and dwell on negative thoughts, we will act in negative ways. On the other hand, if we harbor and dwell on positive thoughts, we will act in positive ways. What we think about comes about.

As another has said, “What the mind dwells on the body acts on.” Think of temptation for instance. First comes a thought and, if we entertain it, it hooks our feelings, and the stronger we feel about it, the more we keep thinking about it, and the more we rationalize about doing it … and unless we nip that thinking in the bud, we give in to the temptation and act it out.

So as an unknown author also wisely said:

Watch your thoughts; they lead to attitudes.

Watch your attitudes; they lead to words.

Watch your words; they lead to actions.

Watch your actions; they lead to habits.

Watch your habits; they form your character.

Watch your character; it determines your destiny.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your Word that admonishes me to guard my thinking. Please help me to discipline my thought life and learn to dwell on ‘whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, and whatever is excellent or praiseworthy.’ Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Philippians 4:8 (NIV).

A troubled mother writes, “My nine-year-old daughter, Jeanie (not her real name), has had a sudden, major change of behavior from being a well-behaved child to one who has become very rebellious. She now criticizes so many of my and my husband’s activities. We agreed to change some routines in order to give in to what she wants. We canceled her school bus since she doesn’t want to ride in it anymore as she prefers to go home alone. It is risky but we have to give in. Then came more demands, constantly calling both her father and me at our workplaces, saying that she doesn’t want to be in our place because it is boring, is always crying, talking back to us, and banging on things.”

Dear mother of Jeanie … it is good that you have reached out for help. This is the beginning point for resolving all problems. Like adults who scream, it seems that your Jeannie is “screaming for help” and her change of behavior is the only way she knows how to deal with what is bothering her. However, it is important that you don’t give in to any unreasonable demands and allow her to control you, as this will only make matters worse. She is obviously deeply troubled about something and may not even recognize what it is, or know how to or is afraid to tell you. In your exasperation try not to lose your cool and lash out and hurt her, otherwise she may close down even more.

Jeannie may have been molested by someone, is experimenting with drugs, or may feel you are too busy for her, or any of a number of things.

You urgently need to see a qualified professional counselor. As expensive as it is, you really can’t afford not to get help even if you have to take out a loan. Your daughter is deeply troubled and it won’t resolve itself. If she represses or hides her problem, it will come out later and cause far greater problems. Because Jeannie is your daughter, it is not just her problem—it is a family problem. (See footnote for help.)

I also encourage you to be ruthlessly honest and open with God, and be willing to look at anything that you and your husband might be contributing to this situation. Ask God to show you this—and then help you to see and understand your daughter’s problem—and to lead you to the help your family urgently needs.

Be assured that God wants to heal your daughter and your family problem; so be totally open and honest with him. Remember today’s Scripture: “The Lord is near to all who call on him—to all who call on him in truth.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, in all my conflicts please help me to see first of all what I may be contributing to the situation, then give me the wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it, whatever it is. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 145:18 (NIV).

Note: For a Christian counselor in your area, if you live in North America call the Narramore Christian Foundation today at 1-800-477-5893, press “1″ and the secretary will be able to give you the name/s of a fine Christian counselor/s in your area.