One person asks, “I know that one of the Ten Commandments is to honor one’s father and mother, but how can I do this when they fought like crazy and brought me up in the midst of never-ending conflict where I felt neglected, rejected and trapped?”

In his book, Home Is a Four-Letter Word, R.E. Lybrand talks about several prisoners who were flipping through a merchandise catalog and discussing what they would like to give their mothers as a gift. As they looked at beautiful homes, one wanted to be able to provide such a home for his mother. When looking at a car parked outside one of these homes, another prisoner wished he could purchase a nice car for his mother so she could come and visit him in jail.

Another prisoner just stared blankly at the catalog not saying a word. Upon being asked what he would like to give to his mother, he said in a sorrowful tone, “I wish I could give my mother a more honorable son,” grieving the fact that his dishonorable life had dishonored his mother.²

I think this prisoner got it right. I agree in that one of the best ways we can honor even bad parents is by being grateful for whatever good we received from them (the gift of life for example), by not allowing our past and what they did or failed to do to or for us to control our future, and by living such a life that it will both honor them and God. With God’s help this we can do.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, I thank you for the gift of life that came through my parents and for all the good qualities I inherited from them. Help me to see all these qualities, resolve all past hurts caused by them, and forgive them as you have forgiven me for my sins and failures. And help me to so live that my life will honor both them and you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Deuteronomy 5:16 (NIV).

2. R.E. Lybrand, Home is a Four-Letter Word: Preaching Resources to Strengthen Christian Marriages and Families, Inc., CSS Publishing, Lima, Ohio.

A Daily Encounter reader asks, “How do I know when God is talking to me? I am so confused and I need so much help. My life is so hard and bad each day. I pray for guidance and wisdom and I don’t know if God hears me, or if he still loves me. I don’t feel that anyone loves me anymore.”

Dear Jane (name changed), actually, God is continually broadcasting his love, power and blessings to all of us. The problem lies with our reception. It’s the cloud layers of our unresolved personal issues that block our feeling God’s love and being aware of his presence. These same issues stop us from feeling loved by others. In other words, it’s negative feelings that get in the way—any one or more of a number of feelings of super-charged, repressed negative emotions such as unresolved hurt, grief, anger, resentment, jealousy, and/or a lack of forgiveness, plus fear of what God might want us to do or not do, or even guilt if we are living a life that we know is out of harmony with God’s will.

First, to overcome, we can know what God is saying by reading and studying his Word, the Bible. All the directions we need for wholesome living are there, we just need to read and study the Bible so we know what God’s Word says, accept it by faith regardless of our feelings, and live in harmony with his directives. Furthermore, as long as our life is committed to God and we have accepted Jesus as our Savior, we have Christ’s promise that he will never—not ever—leave us or forsake us.² Again, we need to believe this in spite of what we may or may not feel.

Second, God’s Word also says, “The Lord is near to all who call on him; to all who call on him in truth.”³ So if we are going to feel/know/experience God’s presence and “hear” what he is saying to us, it is essential when praying that we are totally honest with ourselves and with God and confess to him exactly what is going on in our life and how we feel. We also need to ask God to keep guiding us on the path to truth so we will see any barrier in our life that may be blocking our experiencing his presence and love.

Keep in mind, too, that Jesus also said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”⁴ So, as long as there is any area in our life where we don’t feel free, we can be certain that there is some truth (or truths) we are not seeing and confronting. Once you see this truth, you will know what you need to do to put matters right.

Finally, you also said that you don’t feel that anyone loves you anymore. More often than not, it’s the negative feelings mentioned above, most of which are caused by impaired significant relationships (anywhere from yesteryear to early childhood), that stop our feeling loved by both God and people. When we resolve these negative emotions, confess our sins to God and to at least one safe friend or counselor,⁵ forgive any and all who have ever hurt us, and resolve any and all significant impaired relationships, we not only feel loved by people again but also by God. When we have unresolved impaired relationships and negative emotions (which may be repressed from conscious memory), most of us need a well-trained and capable counselor to help guide us through this healing process.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for the instructions for creative living you have given in your Word, the Bible. Please give me a love for studying your Word, the help I need to understand it, and the courage to live by the directives as found therein. And lead me to the help I need to resolve all of my negative emotions and impaired relationships so I will know and experience your presence and love as well as feeling love for and from others. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Acts 17:27-28 (NIV).

2. See Hebrews 13:5.

3. Psalm 145:18 (NIV).

4. John 8:32 (NIV).

5. To find a counselor see “Suggested Resources for Counseling” at: http://tinyurl.com/85cel. Note, these resources are U.S. based, but some online services can be reached from Australia, New Zealand and from around the world. ACTS in no way receives any remuneration from any of these services. We list them as a service only.

Here in the West, at least, we have the greatest wealth, comforts, conveniences, and material possessions of any people anywhere in the world … and at the same time we are plagued by stress, anxiety, depression, impaired relationships, and the breakdown of the family. You’d think we’d get it that material possessions, while they may bring fun for a while, don’t bring any kind of lasting happiness or fulfillment. For many of us the more we get the more we want.

So why are we so materialistic? One major reason is because we are so repressed; that is, emotionally repressed.

“And what do you mean by that?” I can hear some readers saying.

It’s because when we don’t have that which is real, we exchange it for the false; that is, we settle for a poor substitute. For example, when fear is repressed it can express itself as anger or in phobias. Instead of feeling my fear, I lash out in anger. Or instead of facing my fear within, I project it onto the spider on the wall or some other irrational object or circumstance. By blaming my fear on an external object I avoid having to face it within.

Also when the emotion of love is repressed, it may express itself in an insatiable thirst for approval or as lust. Both of these may feel like love but they aren’t love. And while at first they may bring some “pleasure” for the moment, they leave the person empty and unsatisfied, and hungering for more approval or more sexual exploits. This in turn increases their feeling of emptiness, and their “searching for love in all the wrong ways and places” becomes a never-ending vicious cycle. Wanting more and more … and being satisfied less and less.

What about the emotion of wonder? Wonder is the emotion that when we see a beautiful sunset, walk along a sandy beach, stand on top of a high mountain and view the splendor below, feel the grasp of a baby’s tiny hand, etc., etc., we experience an overwhelming sense of awe and hopefully marvel at God’s creation. When wonder is repressed, not only do we not feel this great sense of awe, but are characteristically bored with life, and end up unhappily loving things and using people instead of loving people and using things. That’s materialism. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have nice possessions. Not at all. But when our life is driven and controlled by a never-ending desire for more money to buy more things to get more possessions, that’s materialism at its core, and is a sure-fire symptom of an empty, repressed life and an equally empty society.

If we are going to overcome the problem of materialism, it is imperative that we get in touch with all of our God-given emotions and use them as God intended. This, by the way, is a vital part of being made whole and being in touch with one’s “whole” or entire self. Keep in mind, too, that when we repress our emotions our stomach keeps score and can, and often does, lead to stress, sickness, depression, impaired relationships and spiritual dryness.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, knowing that you desire ‘truth in the innermost being’ please help me to get in touch with all of my God-given emotions, and never bury, deny or repress them, but use them as you designed. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 12:15 (NIV).

It was a very hot summer day when Herman Trueblood was walking home from a cool dip in the ocean when he noticed a man perspiring profusely as he was trying with the help of his two young sons to push his broken-down car up an incline.

Trueblood looked at the struggling trio and said to himself, “Here is an opportunity for service. You ought to give them a hand.” An opposing voice within chimed in, “No, It’s none of your business. You’ll get yourself all hot and dirty. Let them take care of their own responsibility.”

Eventually he yielded to the better impulse, put his shoulder to the task and all working together pushed the car over the incline and on its way.

Before they took off, the father, putting his hand out to Trueblood, said, “I’m very glad that you came along. You had just enough strength, added to ours, to make the thing go.”

Trueblood noted, “Years have passed since that hot day, but I can still hear that man saying, ‘You had just enough strength, added to ours, to make the thing go.’”

There are numerous people around us who are barely making it over their private hill of despair when, with a helping hand, they could make it.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please use me to be a helping hand to a friend in need who just can’t make it alone. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Galatians 6:2 (NIV).

“Perfect love drives out fear,”² wrote the Apostle John in the Bible. It is also true that unresolved fears have a way of blocking out love. So we need to ask God to help us overcome our fears so we can be filled with love. The more we love and trust God, the less we fear man and circumstances. Every day, visualize yourself opening up to God and being filled with his love, joy and forgiveness.

In 1929, business tycoon J.C. Penny was in the hospital because of his severe anxiety. One night he was sure he was going to die so he wrote farewell letters to his wife and son.

But he survived the night, and hearing singing the next morning in the chapel, felt drawn to go in. A group was singing, “God will take care of you,” after which followed Bible reading and prayer.

Penny said, “Suddenly something happened. I can’t explain it. It was a miracle. I felt as if I had been instantly lifted out of the darkness of a dungeon into warm brilliant sunlight. I felt as if I had been transported from hell to paradise. I felt the power of God as I had never felt it before.

“I realized then that I alone was responsible for all my troubles. I knew that God with his love was there to help me. From that day to this, my life has been free from worry. The most dramatic and glorious minutes of my life were those I spent in that chapel that morning.”³

The cause or causes of our anxiety and worry almost always lie within our self. At best they are triggered by outside circumstances. Only when we see and resolve these causes, are we free to fully surrender our worries and anxieties to God and experience his peace.

Whether this peace comes instantly or over a period of time doesn’t matter. The important truth to remember is that God is always there. His love and power are constant and available to all. As we reach out to him through the fog of our worry and damaged emotions, we discover that he is waiting to help us if only we will respond to his love and give him the chance. For help click on the “God’s Invitation” button link below, or on http://tinyurl.com/gods-invitation.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, I commit and trust my life and way to you and choose to trust you in all circumstances. Grant that my emotions will catch up with my choice to trust you. Help me to resolve all my fears that cause me to worry so I can be filled with your love, joy, and peace. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 118:6 ( NIV).

2. 1 John 4:18 (NIV).

3. S.I. McMillen, None of These Diseases, (Westwood, N.J.: Fleming Revell Co., 1963), p.98.

The discovery of how worry and anxiety affect physical and emotional health was not made by our generation. It was three thousand years ago that the Bible pointed out that “a relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life.”² It was two thousand years ago when the Apostle Paul wrote, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.”³

However, it’s one thing to know about God’s peace and another thing to experience it. It begins with being able to see and admit our real fears, by facing and resolving them, and by learning to give them over to God—and not take them back.

The causes behind worry and anxiety can be many and varied. The following are some of the major ones with some helpful tips for winning over them.

First, if anxiety is situational—that is, caused by adverse circumstances or too much work, I find it helps to list all my responsibilities on paper. This is half the battle. I then eliminate the least important matters, work on the things I can do something about, and try to learn to accept the things I cannot change and to stop worrying about them.

Second. If the problem is repressed, pent-up feelings such as resentment, hurt or anger, those feelings need to be expressed in healthy ways. If you’re nursing a grudge, you will need to put things right with the other person concerned and forgive him or her.⁴ Negative feelings can be talked out with a trusted friend or counselor. Or, if it helps, go for a drive in your car with the windows closed and shout your feelings out, go to the bedroom and cry them out, or write them out as David often did in the Psalms. Just don’t bottle them up.

One night when I was worried and couldn’t sleep, I got up and typed a letter to God sharing all my feelings with him. Within a half-hour I had released my pent-up feelings. I then read them back to God, tore up the page, went back to bed, and fell asleep immediately.

Good, hard physical exercise is also helpful when you’re feeling worried or anxious.

Third, if your worry is caused by unmet emotional or spiritual needs, you can remedy this by growing in your relationship to God and other people—both of which are keys to vital, worry-free living. A spiritual growth group or a good twelve-step recovery program can be a big help for some. As you open up to other safe people and to God and feel their love and acceptance, you can slowly change feelings of fear, guilt, anger, inadequacy, anxiety, and worry for feelings of hope, confidence, peace, and love.

To be concluded…

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, when I am worried and anxious, if there are hidden causes behind these, please help me to see them and lead me to the help I need to resolve these issues at their root so I can fully trust in you and not be worried, anxious or afraid. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 6:25, 34 (TLB)(NLT).

2. Proverbs 14:30 (TLB)(NLT).

3. Philippians 4:6-7 (TLB)(NLT).

4. See Matthew 5:23-24.

Today’s Daily Encounter is written by Cindy Whetzel, Gunnery Sergeant, U.S.M.C.²

In the Gospels we read that when Jesus “saw” a problem he was moved with compassion to do something about it.

Seeing a problem is the beginning of solving a problem. Jesus never said to the blind, lame or afflicted, “You’re not blind, lame or afflicted. Just tell yourself that and it will all be okay.” On the contrary, he saw the problem, acknowledged the problem, and did something about resolving it.

It’s easy to see problems, but seeing a problem isn’t enough. Like Jesus, wherever possible, we need to take action and do something to help resolve it.

It’s also easy to play the “Ain’t it awful” game. “Ain’t it awful that there aren’t enough Sunday school teachers. Ain’t it awful the shape the church bathrooms are in. Ain’t it awful all this drug abuse.” But ask these game-players to teach Sunday school, clean the bathrooms, or volunteer as a counselor in a drug rehab center and they’re usually too busy, or they have family coming to visit, or it’s just not their ministry. Instead of being moved with compassion game-players are moved with criticism.

With vision comes responsibility. Moses saw the burning bush then went to Egypt. Ezekiel saw the vision of dry bones and preached to Israel. Jesus saw you and me in a lost condition and came to earth to die on the cross to pay the price of our eternal salvation.

Sometimes we’re waiting for God to give us a “special vision” or a “special call” if we are going to get involved. May I suggest that “seeing the problem” is a vital part of the call. Admittedly, we can’t resolve every problem we see, but we can all give a hand in helping to resolve at least one problem.²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me eyes to see, a heart to care, and a will to act—and to act in accordance with your will. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 9:36 (NIV).

2. Cindy Whetzel, Gunnery Sergeant, U.S.M.C., cindy.whetzel@usmc.mil

Somewhat related to arm-twisting for God are those situations where somebody has a song, a poem, or an article they have written that they want to have published. They state clearly that it wasn’t their creation but, rather, God gave it to them and they want him to have all the glory. I think that God sometimes, but not always, doesn’t want the glory for some of these creations!

Writing in Christianity Today some time ago, Eutychus also felt that there are times when God gets more credit than he wants.

For example, “A boxer once credited the Lord for helping him punch his opponent into the Twilight Zone. Then there was the football player who made a diving, juggling catch in the end zone. His explanation of the stellar effort mentioned nothing about his speed, agility, coordination, and training: It was God who made that catch.”

Humility has nothing to do with not appreciating what you have worked hard to achieve. Certainly, we want to thank God for the talents he has given us, but, among other things, genuine humility is being realistic about what you have achieved and being able to equally rejoice in another’s achievements.

Furthermore, to claim God gave me a poem or an article as a means to get my creation accepted for publication isn’t humility either. It’s lying. I’ve written a few things in my life that have been published (and a few that have been rejected), and for whatever talent I may have been given, I give God the glory for that.

At the same time writing to be published for me is hard work and what I write about has mostly come from a lifetime of experiences, many of them very painful. This is probably true for most writers who have something of value to say. Yes, there are times of inspiration but mostly it’s only about five percent inspiration and ninety-five percent perspiration. God may give us the five percent but the rest is up to us. He gives us the basic talent but it is our responsibility to be trained so that what we do say and write will hopefully bring glory to God. And that may be best left for others to judge.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, I thank you for the gifts and talents you have given to me. Help me to be responsible with these gifts, develop them to the best of my ability, and use them truly for your glory. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Peter 5:5 (NIV).

On more than one occasion I have sat on a church planning meeting and as we were about to discuss the matter at hand, one member stated that God told him how the matter was to be.

End of discussion! Who can argue against God?

Well not quite.

My response was, “Well, God hasn’t told me; so can we pray about and discuss the matter further.”

As you can imagine my questioning this man was not appreciated.

On another occasion a man came to me and told me that God had told him he was to work for me. We won’t discuss his qualifications for the job, but I thought I’d take the risk that God wouldn’t punish me for not giving him a job. I didn’t … and God didn’t!

While God does speak or communicate to us in various ways through his Word, circumstances, a sense of inner peace, a deep conviction, or in a word that you sense deeply is from him, it is never contrary to his Word, and it is never manipulative.

Unfortunately “the Lord told me” is sometimes used as a way of controlling or manipulating others to get one’s own way, and/or for being a power broker. When this happens, we need to recognize it for what it is and not buy into it. And we need to make sure that we don’t do it ourselves. God doesn’t need us to arm-twist for him.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, you desire truth in my innermost being so help me always to be truthful to myself, to others, and to you, and never seek to control anything or anybody in your name or in any other way. Ever! And help me always to discern when others are attempting to arm-twist for you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Peter 5:2-3 (NIV).