As a general rule, loved people love people and hurt people hurt people. And angry people, besides angering other people, are constantly looking for pegs on which to hanger their anger.

I was watching a TV interview recently and the person being interviewed was obviously a very angry person with a not-too-hidden agenda. This person avoided every question the interviewer asked and continued to spew out his bitter negative comments.

This type of person, who has a negative axe to grind, sees only what he wants to see and hears only what he wants to hear. And he will twist what he hears to make it match his distorted perception of reality. Reality is not on their agenda.

It’s the same with people who have a critical attitude. They’re angry too and are constantly looking for pegs on which to hang their anger. They will read into situations exactly what they want to see and hear as a way to avoid facing their own reality. They live in denial—an ultimately dangerous and self-destructive way to live.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of denial and help me to be courageously honest with myself and with You and see in myself any unresolved anger, a critical attitude, and/or any other personal problem I may have. And lead me to find the help I need to resolve and overcome my problems. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Psalm 51:6 (NKJV).

Note: For further help read, “Taming Your Anger,” at: http://tinyurl.com/b439f

At a family gathering for Thanksgiving Dinner little Bobbie, aged seven, was asked to say the prayer. He thanked God for every person gathered around the table naming them one by one. He thanked God for the potatoes, the beans, the gravy, the turkey, the cranberry sauce, the seasoning … on and on he went. The family thought he would never finish. Suddenly he stopped and whispered to his mother, “If I thank God for the broccoli, do you think he will know that I am lying?”

I’m sure God was amused at this child’s child-like faith. But as adults God wants us to be honest in our praying. We may as well be honest because God hears what our heart is saying regardless of what our words say.

One of the major keys to effective praying is to put into words what my heart is saying—what I am truly feeling inside. That’s the kind of praying that God honors—and answers! He may not grant what we want but he will hear and answer in the way that is best for us.

As David also wrote, “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to be honest with myself and with You, and express to You what my heart is saying, what I am truly feeling inside, regardless of what it is. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. King David (Psalm 51:6, TLB).
2. Psalm 145:18 (NIV).

Of one thing we can be certain: Jesus was not a “people pleaser.” The reality is that “people pleasers” inevitably end up getting frustrated and angry because they are not getting the response they want from trying to please everybody, and ultimately end up pleasing nobody.

It isn’t possible to please everybody. When we try to, we do it out of our own need for approval—an empty substitute for love. As one person said, “If you have to stand on your head to make others happy, all you can expect to get is a big headache.”

Or as another put it, “If you stand for something you will have some people for you and some against you. But if you stand for nothing, you will have nobody against you—and nobody for you.”

As already noted, Jesus was not a “people pleaser.” He stood for truth and right regardless of what anybody thought of Him. May God help you and me to do the same.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to find inner security both in Your love and that of others so I will not be searching for love and approval by trying to please everybody. Deliver me from this bondage. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Jesus (John 2:14-16, NIV).

I remember reading about a small bridge in a rural area. Its load limit was ten tons. It served its community very well for thirty years until a twelve-ton truck tried to cross it. The added stress was beyond the bridge’s capacity—it collapsed under the extra load.

We’re all like that. Each of us has a limit as to how much stress we can handle before we break. It is well documented that too much stress is a killer. Thus we need to know just how much we can handle and learn to limit the load we carry.

However, even though my load limit may be “ten or fifteen tons,” if I’m not flexible and able to bend with the winds of adversity and learn how to go with the flow of life’s circumstances, I may collapse well below my load limit.

Furthermore, as the Bible taught three thousand years ago, we also need to learn how to have a relaxed attitude in the midst of stressful and pressured situations.

While it isn’t easy, in a nutshell we need to limit the load we attempt to carry, eat right, exercise regularly, work hard but take time to relax, laugh a lot, cry when we are sad, never bottle up negative emotions but learn to express them in healthy ways. And above all, we need to learn to commit and trust our life to God every day!

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me in the midst of my pressured and stressful life to learn how to limit my load and, above all, trust You in every area of my life. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

For further help read “Turning Stress Into Success” at: http://tinyurl.com/22zush

1. Solomon (Proverbs 14:30).

Have you ever tried to follow a leader or worked for a boss who tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or tried to be involved with a person who could never make up their mind regarding what they wanted?

Christian or otherwise, these people can be crazy-making!

I have asked people many times in seminars or classes how many have a difficult time making decisions? It always surprises me how many answer in the affirmative.

Why is making decisions difficult for many? Some are afraid of making a wrong decision. Some simply don’t know what they want. For quite a few when they were growing up, somebody else always made their decisions for them. Consequently, they were never taught how to make decisions for themselves or learned how to accept the consequences for the decisions they made.

However, as adults, it is much wiser to make our own decisions and be wrong rather than allowing others to make them for us. One of the greatest ways we learn to make right decisions is by making wrong decisions! This is not to say that we shouldn’t seek wise counsel prior to making our decisions.

To put off and end up not making a decision is making a decision by default which is not a creative way to live. Life is a series of decisions that determine the course of our life and future. It pays to learn how to make wise decisions. God has promised to give us wisdom and guidance to help us make wise decisions, but it’s up to each of us to make our own decisions.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to face and overcome the cause/s of my fear of making decisions, learn to seek Your guidance in everything I do, and in doing so learn how to make wise and responsible decisions. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. James 1:8.

The North American Indians had no written language before they met the white man. Their language, however, was far from primitive. Many of the Indians had as many words in their vocabulary as their English and French exploiters. Some of their words were much more picturesque, too. For example, “friend” to the Indians was “one-who-carries-my-sorrows-on-his-back.”

Everybody needs at least one trusted “Indian-type” friend with whom he or she can share his or her deepest sorrows and painful feelings. We all need a helping hand and a listening ear when we’re going through difficult times.

How do we find such a friend? First, by praying and asking God to help us to be an “Indian-type” friend to others. And then by asking God to help us find such a friend for ourself.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to become a true ‘Indian-type-safe-burden-bearing friend’ myself and be supportive of others in need. And please help me to find a friend with whom I feel safe to share all my sorrows, failures, struggles, and problems—as well as all my successes and joys. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. The Apostle Paul, (Galatians 6:2, TLB).

About mental illness: Fortunately, it is accepted today as an illness perhaps more than ever before. In the past, mentally ill people were criticized, condemned, rejected, and even accused by some uninformed people of having demons. I don’t know any easy or simple answers to help such sufferers, except to assure them of our love and acceptance. Medication helps many, but not all. It’s the same with psychological counseling. It, too, helps many, but not all. I have two family members who are bipolar, but as long as they stay on their medication, they do very well.

With my grown son who is bipolar, I’m thankful that the medication he is on has helped him cope very well. Regardless as to whether he is up or down, I constantly assure him that I love him devotedly. But what I’ve also done to help is to encourage him to try to change his thinking so he will see that he is living with a challenge—rather than as a problem.

If you have a toothache, positive thinking is pretty much impossible. This is why I like to think I am a positive realist. If you are a positive realist and have a toothache, you will get to the dentist as quickly as you can. A positive realist sees his setbacks and problems as challenges that, with hard work and commitment, can be risen above and overcome. It has been well said that every one of us either has a problem, lives with a problem, or is a problem.

If you are living with a discouraging situation, try to think in terms that you are living with a challenge—not a problem, and with God’s help and that of others where needed, you will do your best to rise above your challenges and become a better, healthier and more fulfilled person. And for those who suffer from mental illness, let those of us who are not so afflicted remember God’s Word which says, “Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.”²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to learn how to harmonize my thinking with Your Word, and in so doing turn all my problems into challenges and with Your help rise above and overcome them. And help me always to understand and ‘encourage the timid, take tender care of the weak, and be patient with everyone.’ Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Philippians 4:8 (NIV).

2. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 (NLT).

Let’s face it, some people can be very difficult to live with and/or get along with. Some are impossible. However, following is an interesting tip giving one way to resolve a quarrel: According to Ludwig Bemelman’s in The Best of Bits & Pieces: “A book issued by the Army years ago gave all manner of advice to noncommissioned officers. It even tells how to make men who have quarreled become friends again. The men are put to washing the same window, one outside, the other inside. Looking at each other, they soon have to laugh and all is forgotten. It works; I have tried it.”

So the next time you have a quarrel with your spouse, try washing the windows! Admittedly, this would be easier said than done. It is extremely rare for Joy and me to argue over anything but when we do have a difference, neither one of us can rest until we get together, talk it over, apologize where we have been wrong, and put things right.

In a quarrel always aim for a “win-win” outcome.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, whenever I am in an argument please help me to know what to say and what not to say. When I am in the wrong, help me to be humble enough to admit it, apologize, and make things right. And if perchance, I am not in the wrong, help me to be humble enough not to rub in ‘my rightness,’ and gracious enough to forgive the one who has hurt me as You so freely forgive me whenever I sin and do wrong. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Romans 12:18 (NIV).

Several years ago a close family friend whom I shall name “Cynthia” (not her real name), experienced a very painful divorce. However, instead of getting into a recovery program or group to deal with her grief, Cynthia got involved with a single man who she envisioned would take care of her for the rest of her life. He was a very capable man, was very successful in terms of what many consider in today’s world to be successful, and extremely wealthy—but he was an angry man and very mean to Cynthia, and even after several years of “using” Cynthia, refused to marry her. Tragically, she refused to accept any friendly advice and instead chose to stay involved with this man.

Several years ago now, Cynthia’s friend had an accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down. He has been in assisted living ever since. His family, fearing our friend might inherit some of his money, had her cut out of his will, and refused to allow Cynthia to even visit him where he now lived.

So what did Cynthia do to avoid facing and resolving her pain? Tragically, she turned to alcohol to deaden her pain. Today she is a hopeless alcoholic and has had to be hospitalized. Furthermore, she is in denial and, like any alcoholic, unless she is willing to admit that she is an alcoholic and is willing to seek help, her situation is hopeless.

Cynthia’s problem started long before she even took her first drink. It started when she became involved with a fellow who only wanted and used her for her body, was mean to her, and she made the choice to stick with him no matter what—all because of money—the money she never received, or will ever receive!

Cynthia’s choices not only made her; they destroyed her. Always remember, too, that the choices you and I make will make us.

We are also reminded of God’s Word that says, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please forgive me for all the bad choices I have made in the past and help me to make wise and careful choices today and in the future, remembering that the choices I make, will make me. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’s name, amen.”

Note: If you have never made the choice to accept Jesus Christ as your Savior, and thereby receive God’s forgiveness for all your sins, for help read, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian” at: http://tinyurl.com/real-christian.

1. Joshua 24:15 (NIV).

I was recently criticized for suggesting that I wanted Jesus to be my co-pilot. I was informed that Jesus is to be our pilot.

I know that sounds impressive. However, in the Christian life it is sometimes difficult to discern how much God does for us and how much we need to do for ourselves. One thing is certain, God will do for us what we are unable to do for ourselves, but He will not do for us what we are able to do and need to do ourselves. If He did, He would be being codependent and that would keep us overdependent, irresponsible and immature.

God has promised to give us wisdom if we ask for it, guidance if we seek it, and be with us wherever we go if we ask Him to—providing we stay within the limits of His guidelines and boundaries. The fact is, however, that we are always responsible for the decisions we make and the actions we take. We are in charge of our life.

Doing our part is accepting personal responsibility. As I do this, I can rest assured God will do His part. We will sit and wait for a long time if we expect otherwise. God isn’t codependent.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to act responsibly in everything I do and always look to You for wisdom, guidance and direction. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV).