“If you have ever been to a circus, you’ve no doubt seen the huge bull elephants chained to a peg in the ground. Perhaps it has occurred to you that the elephant could easily pull the peg out of the ground and escape. However, he does not try. As a baby elephant he was tied to a huge stake that he could not pull out of the ground. Weeks of pulling and tugging only wore a trench around the stake, and finally he gave up. Now that he is full-grown, with great strength and the physical ability to pull the peg out of the ground, he remembers only the futility of past efforts and does not even attempt to escape. He is conditioned to failure.”²

He is conditioned to failure because he is conditioned by his past as, unfortunately, many of us are. We have had a bad experience (or bad experiences) in the past that have left us hurt, angry, and/or afraid; and we allow those past experiences to control our life today even though these experiences happened years ago—perhaps even in childhood.

True, as God’s Word says, we need to forget the past so we can move forward to what is ahead. But until we resolve past hurts and forgive any and all who have ever hurt us, we are still conditioned and bound by the past and are destined to failure at some level—especially so in relationships. The reality is that what we fail to resolve we are destined to repeat … repeat … and repeat. So, if you ever find yourself repeating past failures, past mistakes, or past impaired relationship patterns, see if you can trace those patterns to some negative experience/s in the past. If so, those issues need to be faced, confronted, and resolved so we can break the chains of conditioning from the past, forget its hold on us, and move ahead triumphantly.

No matter what happened to us in the past it is either resolution or repetition. The choice is ours.*

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to see if I am still bound in any way by unresolved past experiences and to find the help I need to overcome these issues so I can genuinely forget the past and move ahead with my life to fulfill my God-given purpose. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Philippians 3:13 (NASB).

2. Dr. Arthur Caliandro, of Marble Collegiate Church, New York City. www.marblechurch.org/

* Note for help: See Dick’s book, You Can’t Fly With a Broken Wing, on sale at http://tinyurl.com/yrjrnl.

Richard Halverson in Pulpit Helps asked the question: “Who hasn’t failed? The Apostle Paul failed, Peter failed, every one of the twelve apostles failed. David, Israel’s greatest king, ‘a man after God’s own heart,’ failed. Moses, giant among the Israelites, giver of the law, deliverer of his people, failed. Jacob, father of Israel, failed. Isaac, son of promise, failed. Abraham, progenitor of Israel, father of the faithful, prototype of those who are righteous through faith, failed. Even our first parents, in their human perfection, failed. Who hasn’t failed?

“It is not failing that is the problem; it is what one does after he has failed. To take failure as final is to be a failure. To see in failure the school of [God's] Spirit is to let failure contribute to one’s growth in Christ.”

When we fail, the important thing is to get up, confess it to God and, where necessary, to the person whom we have hurt if we have hurt someone, and ask for their forgiveness. Then we need to forgive ourselves as God forgives us, and learn from the experience.

Remember, too, it’s not God’s goal to make us good but to make us whole, and the more whole and mature we become, the less we will act out in destructive ways—and the less we will fail. The only real failure, after we either fall or get knocked down, is to not get up one more time.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please forgive me for where I have failed (be specific) and help me learn and grow through this experience so I won’t make the same mistake again. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus name.”

1. Psalm 51:1-2 (NIV).

When the Bible tells us to be perfect, it has nothing to do with being a “perfectionist.” In fact, the word for perfect in today’s scripture verse means to be complete, whole and/or mature.

Sadly, perfectionists or those who have perfectionistic tendencies find it difficult, if not impossible, to forgive themselves when they have done wrong even though God and others have forgiven them. And no matter what they do, regardless of how good it is, they can still be left unsatisfied because, to them, it isn’t absolutely perfect. They can be difficult to live with because what you do may not be good or perfect enough either.

Being made whole and complete are not characteristics of perfectionism, but of maturity—both spiritual and emotional—and are essential for wholesome relationships. Being perfectionistic is a sign of immaturity where an individual has a poor self-concept. Perfectionists have totally unrealistic expectations in that they feel they have to be perfect in everything they do in order to feel acceptable to themselves—a hopeless situation in which to be. When they have done wrong, the reason they can’t forgive themselves is because in their mind they weren’t being perfect. The fact is that we are all a part of this broken world in which we live and will never find perfection until we get to heaven. Overcoming perfectionism is learning to accept one’s self as God accepts us—warts and all—and learning to be satisfied when we know that we have done the best we can while accepting the fact that we are imperfect beings.

For further help I suggest that you read the article, “Developing a Healthy Self-Concept” at: http://tinyurl.com/self-concept007. And for those who have a severely poor self-concept, I would encourage you to see a fine professional Christian counselor who can help you to overcome this problem.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you love and accept me as I am. Please help me to do the same and become whole so I can love and accept myself and others in a healthy sense. When and if needed, please lead me to the help I need to develop a healthy self-concept and therein bring glory to your name. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 5:48 (NIV).

At least in our Western culture many, if not most of us, seem to feel that there is never enough time to do all that we want to do. I can certainly identify with that.

In a research project, Ipsos, a global marketing research firm, announced that 64 percent of Americans were most likely to agree with the statement, “There is never enough time in the day to get done what I want to get done.” And it’s not only Americans who feel this way. It’s just the same in my homeland of Australia.

Gordon Govier, a journalist working with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship wrote, “When Charles Hummel wrote his classic essay ‘Tyranny of the Urgent,’ in 1967, he identified the telephone as among the worst offenders against our peace and complacency. And that was before we carried the offending instrument with us everywhere and embellished it with email, computers, cameras, downloadable ring tones and music files.

“The issue,” Hummel said, “is not so much a shortage of time as a problem of priorities.” Or, as a cotton mill manager once told him, “Your greatest danger is letting the urgent things crowd out the important.”²

How true this is.

Like Jesus we, too, in the midst of our busy schedules, also need to come apart and rest awhile—before we come apart.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to realize that there is a time to do the things I need to do today. Help me to keep my priorities straight, put first things first, and do what I need to do and let the rest go. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV).

2. Gordon Govier, “Handling the Tyranny of the Urgent,” Assist News Service, http://tinyurl.com/b3usy.

In response to an article on abortion some time back in Weekend Encounter a reader wrote, “What I am concerned about is that those who read your article who have had an abortion might be put into a deeper depression because of what that article said. I agree with it, but you didn’t mention that there is forgiveness of this sin. I agree with what you said, but I am concerned that some might read it and not know that they can be forgiven. I know women that have had abortions who live in a great depression over their sin. I just want them to know that they can find forgiveness.”

Dear W.E. reader, you have raised an excellent point. I recall being in a weekend secular growth group where a very non-religious lady was sobbing her heart out because of her guilt over having had two abortions. As far as I know she never sought God’s forgiveness. This is sad because any woman who has had an abortion can be forgiven if she confesses her sin and asks God for his forgiveness—just as he forgives any and all other sins which have been confessed.

However, after asking for God’s forgiveness, every one of us needs to accept his forgiveness by faith, and then it is essential that we forgive ourselves just as God has forgiven us. Unfortunately, people who have perfectionistic tendencies can find this very difficult to do. If this is so, their problem has more to do with being a perfectionist rather than finding forgiveness—and this is another issue totally. For help, see the link below to a Daily Encounter article on “Perfectionism.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your promise that if I confess my sins to you, you will forgive me fully and freely. And please help me to forgive myself for all the wrongs I have done and wherever possible, make restitution to anyone I may have hurt. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 John 1:9 (NIV).

NOTE: For the article on “Perfectionism” go to: http://tinyurl.com/perfectionism007.

One of my favorite Bible teachers was such an inspiration to listen to. There was only one point where I disagreed with him. He taught that we need to confess our sins only to God. Wrong.

James disagreed too. True, we need to confess our sins to God but also to one another. This doesn’t mean that we need to confess to the “whole world” but we do need to confess to at least one safe, trustworthy person.

A safe person is someone who, when we confess our sins and failures, won’t judge, condemn, or shame us, nor tell the world of our weakness, but will love and accept us as we are—as God does.

Confession is needed for healing because unresolved guilt as well as super-charged repressed negative emotions such as resentment, anger, grief, shame, pride and so on will either cause many of our physical sicknesses or greatly aggravate them. When we confess our sins and get this poison out of our system, the way is cleared for healing. Unconfessed sin is a killer. It’s like a spiritual/emotional cancer and if we don’t get the “cancer” the “cancer” will get us in one way or another. It’s not without good reason that God’s Word teaches us to confess our sins before we even pray for healing.

Sadly, too often we are afraid to admit and confess our sins and failures for fear of being judged, criticized, or even condemned; so we keep them well hidden. Consequently, there is limited healing, for without confession there is no healing when our sicknesses are caused or affected by our unconfessed sins. It is not without good reason that the Bible also teaches: “So get rid of your feelings of hatred. Don’t just pretend to be good! Be done with dishonesty and jealousy and talking about others behind their backs…. Put away all evil, deception, envy and fraud. Long to grow up into the fullness of your salvation.”²

It is interesting that the Bible teacher mentioned above came down with a debilitating illness that slowly took his life—quite possibly before his time. I say this because he didn’t believe in what James said we needed to do to be healed.

When any “faith healer” avoids this principle of confession before praying for healing, he may do more harm than good in the long run if a false assurance is given to the sick person. God isn’t going to heal me of a sickness or problem that is a symptom of a deeper sin or fault unless I confess it and get rid of it. The mind can be very tricky. I may get rid of one symptom but, if I don’t deal with the cause, I’ll exchange it for another and kid myself that I’ve been healed!

Speaking personally, I learned early in life to repress and bury all my negative emotions but am physically healthier today than I was when half my age. I used to have terrible hay fever and had painful bursitis in both shoulders. When I got in touch with and confessed/expressed so much buried grief, hurt and anger, I was healed of both hay fever and bursitis. When I bury my grief, for instance, where do those tears go? I either express them in a healthy way (by sobbing them out) or they will affect me in an unhealthy way. The same is true of all repressed negative emotions. We either express them creatively, or we will, in some way act them out destructively.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, here’s a list of sins/faults that I have never confessed to another soul. Please help me to get in touch with any and all buried negative emotions and any sins of pride, jealousy, resentment, grief and so on so I can confess and resolve these. And please help me to find a loving, safe, and accepting person to confess these to—as well as confessing them to you—so I can be healed. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 5:15 (NIV).

2. 1 Peter 2:1-2 (TLB)(NLT).

“You are nothing but a pharisaical religious b______,” Jennifer (not her real name) angrily condemned me in front of a seminar group of about 100 people. Admittedly, I was shocked—to put it mildly—and took a moment to regain composure, and simply answered by saying, “Yes, sometimes I am.”

Had I become defensive and sought to justify myself, I’m sure I would have built a wall between myself and Jennifer, and most likely there never would have been any further meaningful communication between us.

This happened following a session discussing the subject of homos-e-x-uality. Jennifer, I learned later, was gay so her hostility towards me was understandable.

A few weeks later, for those who wanted to deal with personal issues we had a live-in in-depth week-long recovery workshop. What amazed me was that Jennifer attended even though she and I disagreed regarding homos-e-x-uality. At the beginning of the week she kept me at arm’s length. However, I assured her that even though I disagreed with her lifestyle, I loved and accepted her.

There were about 30 of us at the retreat, and not one person judged or criticized Jennifer in any way all week. We all loved and accepted her. This was somewhat overpowering for her as she was so used to being condemned, especially by Christians. What shocked me even more was that at the end of the week, she came to me, hugged me warmly and said, “Perhaps you are right after all.”

I am convinced that—at least for many—it is a lack of unconditional love that drives people into self-destructive acts of sin in their desperate search for love and acceptance—and only love—God’s unconditional love through you and me will ever take them out again.

True Christianity is much more than a creed (as important as the creed is)—it is experiencing divine love, divine forgiveness, and divine acceptance—and communicating these to every life we touch.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to understand every person you bring into my life, and communicate your divine love, forgiveness, and acceptance to them at their point of deepest need. In so doing, may they find your love, forgiveness and acceptance for themselves. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 6:37 (NIV).

Imagine living in a world where you couldn’t laugh when you were highly amused, where you couldn’t yell your head off at a ball game, sing your heart out in church or at a party, or cry when you are sad. Life would be deadly dull, empty, and boring. As another has said, “Life without feelings would be like playing a trombone with a stuck slide.” It is also a very unhealthy way to live. As John Powell put it, “When I repress [that is, deny] my emotions, my stomach keeps score.” Furthermore, people in denial and out of touch with their feelings are like zombies.

Feelings or emotions are God-given. They are a vital part of humanity. Whether they are positive or negative, they need to be acknowledged, owned, and expressed or dealt with in healthy ways. Proverbs even advises, “Open rebuke is better than secret love.”²

Feelings in and of themselves are amoral; that is, they are neither right nor wrong. Jesus never told us how to feel, only how to act. It’s what we do with feelings and how we handle them that matters.

Bottling up (denying) emotions hurts ourselves and damages our relationships. Lashing out hurts others and also damages relationships. Expressing them in love and kindness brings people closer together, and reinforces relationships. Furthermore, sharing feelings openly in a loving manner is the heart of intimacy. In fact, without this there is no closeness or intimacy, and such couples end up living together alone apart.

Listen to your heart and share some of your feelings in a loving and creative way with a friend or loved one today! And, when sharing feelings, it is always helpful to start by saying, “I feel ….” Be sure to share what you are feeling—and not just what you are thinking. Sharing thoughts is good (unless it is a way to avoid facing and expressing feelings), but it isn’t intimacy.

Furthermore, if we don’t learn how to express feelings in creative ways, we may very likely allow them to control us and/or to act them out in self- or other destructive ways. This is allowing feelings to control us instead of our being in control of them. Remember, too, what we fail to talk out creatively, we will inevitably act out negatively.

One more point about feelings: It is important not to base our beliefs and actions on the way we feel. It is the Word of God, the Bible, which is our final voice of authority—not the way we feel.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to handle my emotions as Jesus did who, when he was sad, wept; and when he was angry at evil, he expressed his anger to bring about change. So help me to do likewise, but always to speak the truth in love. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 (NIV).

2. Proverbs 27:5.

I recall an occasion when I was going through a difficult time of discouragement and shared this with a friend whose immediate response was, “Are you in the Word [meaning was I reading the Bible enough], Dick?”

I felt more discouraged and replied, “Joan, what do you do when you are hungry?”

“I get the point,” she answered.

“What I need right now is an understanding and supportive friend,” I replied.

Certainly I believe in reading the Bible and praying daily and “walking with God” but does that take away our pain when we are hurting, and does that meet the need of a lonely or hurting heart? No, of course not.

When Elijah, following his great victory on Mt. Carmel, was being threatened by Queen Jezebel who wanted him killed, he ran some forty miles for his life and was so depressed that he sat under a tree and wanted to die. So God sent an angel to him, and did the angel say, “Elijah, get up and pray?”

No. The angel said to Elijah, “Get up and eat!”

Elijah was emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausted. What he needed was a good feed. Sometimes that’s what we need, too, or a good hug or someone just to listen, to care, and understand, not to give advice or try to fix us, but just to be there and give us their presence—and certainly not to spiritualize or Christianize an everyday normal human need by giving a spiritual answer for a non-spiritual need or problem.

In today’s Bible passage James had it right. True religion is not only to “walk with God” but to understand people and their immediate needs, and to minister to them at that point of need—just as Jesus always did.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to be sensitive to people’s felt and immediate needs and help meet them at their point of need. And deliver me from the insensitivity of giving them an irrelevant empty ‘spiritual cliché’ answer. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 2:16-17 (NIV).

Joy, my wife, is a harpist and for many years she and her fellow harpist friend, Susan, played harp duets. On one occasion they practiced for endless hours to master a particularly difficult arrangement of “The Lord’s Prayer.” After the service where they played this duet, a man rushed up to thank them for playing such a magnificent rendering of “The Lost Chord.”

What a letdown for Joy and Susan. Joy and I laugh about it now but it didn’t feel so good for her and Susan at the time.

But isn’t life like that? No matter what we do, how hard we work at it, how good a job we do of it, there will always be someone who doesn’t get it, doesn’t like it, misses the point, or who will find fault with whatever we do.

In my line of work—writing Daily Encounters for one thing—I sometimes experience this. When I fail to be “politically correct,” some readers love it and others hate it. Some commend me. Others criticize me. That’s par for the course, and for those who want to make a difference in life, that’s par for the course of life. People who aim to please everybody end up pleasing nobody.

As Christians, our responsibility is to be witnesses for Jesus—not to be politically correct people pleasers. I like what an English Bishop once said, “Everywhere Paul went there was either a revival or a revolution. Everywhere I go they serve tea.”

I hate tea, if you get my drift!

In this day of ever-decreasing moral standards and increasing evil, would to God that there were more “Apostle Pauls” in our pulpits and “Apostle Paul” type politicians in leadership positions who would cause or at least trigger spiritual revivals and/or moral revolutions.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me always to stand firm in the faith and to live and work in harmony with your Word in order to bring glory to you—and never be a people pleaser for my own praise and glory. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (NIV).