“My name is Leo. I am an alcoholic, a co-dependent, a religious addict and a religious abuser. I am a recovering priest.” This is how the Rev. Leo Booth, an Episcopal priest introduces himself.

As a recovering alcoholic he has been sober for over a decade and a half but also points out that he is recovering from a very narrow-minded religion.

Author of the book, When God Becomes a Drug, Booth points out that for some people, religion is as much an addiction as alcoholism, smoking, problem gambling, and work addiction. Religious addicts want God or Jesus to take away their pain and problems without accepting personal responsibility for them.

“For many years,” Booth said, “I was asking God to help me with my drinking, asking Jesus to give me courage and strength to resist drinking too much, asking the Holy Spirit to help me with my alcoholism. But I wasn’t putting the cork in the jug…. The more I drank the more extreme I became in my religious practices, medicating my guilt with ritual and dogma.”

Religious addiction can be just as destructive to the family as any other addiction because the addict is in denial and isn’t facing his real problems nor accepting responsibility for his recovery.

Like the alcoholic, the only hope he has for recovery is to quit lying to himself, admit exactly what he is and say, “I have a problem. I need help.” He then needs to get into an effective recovery program to help him quit his self-destructive acting out (hiding behind his religion), and overcome his problem.

The biblical mandate for healing and recovery is simple but not easy, but it’s the only way to recovery: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”² (See footnote for additional help.)³

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to face reality, admit to any addictive or destructive behaviors in my life, confess these to you and to at least one safe person, and (with your help) accept responsibility for getting the help I need to overcome my problem/s. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 28:13 (TLB)(NLT).

2. James 5:16 (NIV).

3. For help see “Counseling Resources” including “Celebrate Recovery” at https://learning.actsweb.org/counseling_resources.php

A man bought a parrot at an auction after some heavy bidding. “I hope this bird talks,” he told the auctioneer.

“Talk?” the auctioneer replied, “Who do you think has been bidding against you for the past ten minutes?”

Sad to say we seem to be living in a day when a person’s word has less and less value. Once upon a time a man’s word was his bond. Not any more I’m afraid. For far too many their word doesn’t mean a thing. We’ve become pretty adept at parroting what we think people want to hear.

I remember one of my college professors teaching us that a person’s character (among other things) could be measured by what value he or she puts on his/her word. People who don’t keep their word have a character issue and cannot be trusted.

Fortunately, however, of one thing we can be certain, God always keeps his word and always keeps his promises. To be Christ-like we need to do the same! For after all, it’s what we do, not what we say, that says the most of all.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please make me a man/woman of my word so I can always be trusted to say what I mean, mean what I say, and do what I say I will do. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 14:23 (NIV).

One of my favorite quotes happens to be from a Buddhist monk who wisely said, “To know and not to do is not yet to know.”

To translate this into our Christian terminology we could put it this way: “To believe and not to act is not yet to believe because we only truly believe that which motivates us to action.”

For instance, many of us say we want to weigh less than we do. But do we? Really? Very few of us ever eat anything we don’t want to eat. And many of us don’t take the time to exercise enough to keep to our desired weight. In reality, often what we think we want is just a wish! We only truly want something when we are willing to make the commitment and pay the price to achieve it.

Furthermore, if we say we believe that our friends, neighbors and people throughout the world are lost eternally without a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and give nothing or do nothing to help take, send or give the gospel to them, we don’t really believe this either. The fact is that we only truly believe that which motivates us to action!

And if I say I want to be made whole and don’t do what I need to do to be made whole, I choose by default not to be made whole. It is true regardless of who said it: “To know and not to do is not yet to know.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, in all things worthy and noble please help me to be a ‘doer’ and not merely a ‘listener, talker, or wisher.’ Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 1:22 (NIV).

It seems, at least here in the U.S.A., that our society is plagued by frivolous lawsuits. A man sued MacDonald’s because he spilled hot coffee on himself—the coffee that he purchased! I have read that another man sued his company because he backed into his own car with a company vehicle. In student days in Chicago for two summers I drove a CTA passenger bus. We were informed that some passengers would purposely fall so they could sue the bus company.

I was listening to the news last night and once again I could hardly believe what I heard. A woman whose husband was a heavy smoker all his life died so she sued a well-known tobacco company for three billion dollars (yes, three billion) and ended up being awarded $50,000,000.00. Talk about the blame-game! Why judges and courts reward irresponsible behavior is beyond my comprehension.

Don’t misunderstand me. I am not justifying the tobacco company in any way, shape or form. They are responsible too, but this man in question chose to smoke, just as the alcoholic chooses to drink. Both of these men are fully responsible for their irresponsible actions.

And when we who are codependents take responsibility for over-dependent family members and short circuit the natural consequences of their irresponsible behavior, we too, are being irresponsible. And when we, as parents, don’t discipline our children for their irresponsible behavior, we, too are being irresponsible and are guilty of reinforcing their negative behavior.

The same is true of societies as with driving on roads and highways. Irresponsible driving kills people. Irresponsible living destroys societies. From the cradle to the grave, responsibility (with consequences for irresponsible behavior) needs to be taught and adhered to. Among the richest to the poorest …from the lowliest positions to the highest offices in the land—including in the courts and with judges, ministers, politicians, lawyers and every other profession—responsibility needs to be taught, emphasized and enforced, without which we end up with mayhem and ultimately destroying ourselves.

True, while I was not responsible for my upbringing, as an adult I am fully responsible for what I become and for everything I do. And unless one is mentally handicapped, we are all fully responsible for what we allow and what we do that is within our capability.

Furthermore, before God we are also responsible and, in the end, will have to give an account to him for how we have lived, what we have done with our life, and whether or not we have confessed our sinfulness and accepted God’s gift of forgiveness through his Son, Jesus Christ.*

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to accept personal responsibility for every area of my life and so live that I will not be ashamed or embarrassed (or grief stricken) when I stand before you to give an account of my life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 2 Corinthians 5:10 (NIV).

*Note: To ensure that you have received God’s forgiveness for all your sins be sure to read the article, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian” at: www.actsweb.org/christian.

“Loneliness, it’s such a sad affair,” Karen Carpenter expressed in her popular song some years back. Apparently she knew firsthand what she was singing about as she ended her own life through self-starvation. Perhaps you, too, know too well the pains of loneliness.

While we have made profound scientific and technological advances in today’s world, sadly we have not kept pace with meeting the needs of the human heart and spirit. One of the high costs of this failure has been the ever-increasing sense of loneliness and isolation that pervades contemporary society.

As Selwyn Hughes wisely said, “To be is to be in relationships,” without which life can be empty and meaningless. One significant answer to this increasing malady is seen in the dramatic increase of the small-group movement—both within and without the church. Small groups, of course, are nothing new, but support-and-recovery type groups formed to meet almost every need imaginable have mushroomed in many places today. They are proving to be very effective. For example, one of the best-known methods for helping people overcome alcoholism is the twelve-step AA groups. And help for the spouses of alcoholics can be found in Alanon groups.

Small groups, at least as far as the Christian church is concerned, began with Jesus. At the beginning of his ministry he “appointed twelve [disciples] that they might be with him.” He then had an inner group made up of himself, Peter, James, and John, and then an intimate group with himself and John. If Jesus and his disciples needed this kind of connection and support, it sounds like an excellent example for all of us to follow.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to find the support I need to help me grow more like Jesus, overcome personal problems, and so I won’t be lonely. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Mark 3:14 (NIV).

“Dear Dick,” a Daily Encounter reader writes, “I currently have a very bad relationship with my half-sister who blames my mother for taking my father away from her. I know I should forgive her, but I cannot. My dad died many years ago and my mother (also no longer living) was all I had for so long. How do I forgive someone who has said such vile and unforgiving things about her? I want to improve my relationship with God, and I know that this is preventing me from doing so. Please help me.”

Dear Sharon (name changed), no matter what others do to us and how bad and hurtful those things may be, in the long run failing to forgive hurts us more than it hurts the other person. It’s like “drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Reconciliation with loved ones should be our goal but that isn’t always possible because that takes both parties. Forgiveness, however, is only dependent on one party. Forgiving a person doesn’t mean we allow him or her to continue to hurt us, and we may need to distance ourselves from them if they insist on being hurtful. But it is essential for our own well-being that we forgive any and all who have ever hurt us, and leave the door open should they ever desire reconciliation. This is much more likely to happen if we graciously forgive them for what they have done to us and ask for their forgiveness for any hurtful words or actions we may have said or done to them in return.

To forgive, it is imperative that we resolve our hurt and angry feelings first, as these are the emotions that block our forgiving. The resentment we carry in our heart is our problem—and that’s always self-destructive. What your sister has done is her issue. What you have done and are still doing by failing to forgive—is your issue and that’s what you need to resolve if you are going to regain a warm loving relationship with others and with God and—hopefully in time—with your sister; although, sadly, there is no guarantee of that.

Not easy, I know, but it is essential. If you don’t know how to resolve your resentment, I encourage you to seek the help of a qualified Christian counselor who can guide you through the steps to resolution so that you can truly forgive your sister and put your relationship to God back in harmony.*

Also, try not to beat yourself up because of your negative feelings … we all experience situations that hurt and make us angry … but we can resolve our feelings.**

Suggested prayer: “Thank you, God, that no matter how I feel you are always with me and that you know, understand, and care. Please help me to find the help I need so I can resolve my hurt and resentment and freely forgive any and all who have ever hurt me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

*For helpful counseling resources go to: https://learning.actsweb.org/counseling_resources.php.

**For additional help read the article: “Forgiveness: The Power to Heal” at http://tinyurl.com/aa4qf and also “Taming Your Anger” at http://tinyurl.com/b439f.

1. Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV).

In much younger days I had figured the way to happiness was to be a committed Christian and serve God to the best of my ability. It sounded good but it didn’t work—at least it didn’t work for me. In fact my life felt very empty. I was sharing with a friend how empty inside I constantly felt. He admitted that he felt exactly the same way even though we were both very involved in Christian work and ministry. Both of us grew up with the teaching that feelings weren’t important, and that you couldn’t trust them. In spite of this teaching, we both got down on our knees and asked God to give us some feelings anyhow.

Whoa, be careful how you pray. When we get real with God, he gets real with us. Within a very short time my world fell apart. I got feelings back real quick! They weren’t the kind I was looking for, but they were certainly feelings.

My problem was that by the time I was five years old I had learned that big men don’t cry, and that it wasn’t acceptable to show one’s feelings. The fallacy with this teaching, of course, is that a five-year-old boy is not a big man. Another fallacy is that big men do cry. It’s frightened men or repressed men who don’t cry. Furthermore, I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and, to protect myself from hurt, I had learned to build defenses around my heart. The problem with doing this, however, is that the wall one puts around his painful feelings also blocks out his positive and loving feelings.

I also used to think that being strong was being like the Rock of Gibraltar … let the winds blow and the storms rage all around and there it stands as solid as a rock is supposed to be. But as one of my counselors said, “Rocks don’t have feelings. Rocks aren’t real.” Neither was I. I learned that my life was empty because I was emotionally repressed and living in denial.

Since praying for feelings, I discovered that the only way I’ve been able to break through my walls (defenses) is when my pain is greater than my fear. I also learned that when I bury my feelings, I end up with emotional “constipation”—and that poisons every area of one’s life—physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. It is an extremely unhealthy way to live.

It took a long time and a lot of work to recover from childhood hurts and learn to feel again, but it has been well worth every effort. In fact today I am physically healthier than when I was half my age. My loving relationships have never been more fulfilling and my work never more fruitful. I also realize that there will always be room for improvement and growing in “faith and love and every grace.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be real, to get in touch with all of my God-given emotions, and learn how to use them as you intended. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Peter 2:1, 3 (TLB)(NLT).

Janet had been married eleven years when her husband, Ron, told her that he didn’t want to be married to her any more. Understandably, Janet took it extremely hard and refused to believe that Ron meant what he said.

But he did. So much so that he divorced Janet.

Two years later Janet was still in denial about her situation even though Ron was married to another woman. Furthermore, while Janet was fully supporting herself and taking care of her and Ron’s children, Janet was still supporting Ron financially—all of which was a vain attempt to get him back.

She had blinded herself totally to the reality of her situation and was living in a fantasy world. As long as she was in such deep denial, she was bound by her past, going nowhere with her life.

When Janet joined a support/growth group and began to see how much she was in denial about her situation, as painful as it was she was able to begin a process of healing that, in time, set her free to move ahead with her life.

Any wonder the Bible teaches: “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood.”² And as Jesus said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”³

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of denial so that I will always face reality and be totally honest with myself, God, and others. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV).

2. Ephesians 4:25 (NIV).

3. John 8:32.

A father who is having a conflict with a family member wanted to know the difference between barriers and walls.

In relationships we all need healthy boundaries (not barriers, which are the same as walls) to shut the bad out and let the good in. That is, we need boundaries to protect ourselves from hurtful people and to stop people using and taking advantage of us—and to stop our rescuing irresponsible people. We also need boundaries to keep our own bad in—in order to stop us controlling, hurting, and/or misusing others.

If someone is abusing or hurting me, I need to let him/her firmly but lovingly know that I will not accept their behavior. And, if they continue acting in a hurtful way, I will need to distance myself from them. However, at any point should they desire to meet in a kind and loving way, my door will always be open to them.

Boundaries are thus to strengthen our “no” muscle. People who can’t say “no” to others have either weak or no boundaries. And people who won’t take “no” for an answer are boundary busters. These people remind me of a country-western song where the lady being pursued is having a problem with a would-be suitor in whom she has no interest. She asks, “What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand … I’d be glad to explain….”

On the other hand, walls put up insurmountable barriers and shut everybody out. People who build walls around their heart have been hurt in the past and, being afraid of getting hurt again, shut out everybody. You simply can’t get close to this type of person. Consequently they have no close relationships and suffer from an inner loneliness and love deprivation. This is a very unhealthy way to live.

Jesus set boundaries against the religious Pharisees and those who tried to get rid of him before his time was ready. He also set boundaries against the money changers and those who abused God’s house in the temple in Jerusalem. Meekness is not weakness and we, as Christians, need to set boundaries against abusive people and all evil. It is neither loving nor Christian to allow people to misuse us, walk over us, or abuse us—nor for us to do the same to others.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to develop healthy boundaries and learn to lovingly say ‘no’ when such is called for. And help me never to be a boundary buster who fails to recognize other people’s boundaries. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 19:19 (NIV).

“In the middle of Parable Land lived a donkey of medium age. He looked like a donkey … acted like a donkey … and sounded like a donkey. The unusual thing about him was that he wore a pair of bright green glasses, which he found while grazing, and thought they suited him very well. His behavior was very normal, except for when he met one of the other animals. The reaction was alarming; he went into a state of sheer panic and demanded they seek urgent medical help.

“Faced with such alarm, they usually did and always received a clean bill of health. It seemed that the trouble was those sunglasses. Everyone who was seen by the donkey looked very sick indeed.”²

In a similar way we all wear tinted lenses that have been formed and shaped by past experiences that cause us to see things “not the way they are but the way we are.”

For example, if a person has been hurt in the past and has a poor self-concept, he will have distorted lenses that will negate other people’s words. If someone gives him a genuine compliment, he may misconstrue this and see it as a form of manipulation. If a woman, when a child, had an abusive father, she will tend to view all other men through the same lenses she saw her father. Or if a man, when a child, had a controlling or smother mother, he will tend to view all other women through the same lenses he viewed his mother. Counselors and communicators call this “selective distortion.”

What we need to do is to look into a “relational mirror” so we can see the colored lenses we are wearing and the distorted view of life and of others that we have. This takes great courage and can be rather threatening. However, if we truly want to overcome “the donkey with green glasses syndrome,” we can. Here’s how:

1. Look at your overreactions, for whenever we are overreacting to a given situation, we are seeing things through colored lenses and are reacting on the basis of unresolved past issues.

4. If necessary, see a wise, understanding and well-trained counselor to help you see your colored lenses and work through and resolve past hurtful and frightening experiences.

If we do this, our relationships and all of life will improve dramatically!

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to see any colored lenses that are distorting the events in my life and hurting my relationships, and to find the help I need to clear my vision so that I will see all situations as they truly are. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Jeff Daly, Encounter magazine (ACTS Australia), Issue No 4, 2005.

2. Matthew 7:3-5 (NIV).