1. Polygamy

A Daily Encounter subscriber from Africa asks, please let us know what the Bible teaches about polygamy as here in Africa it is taken for granted even by some Christians.

It is true that in Old Testament days it was not uncommon for men to have more than one wife; this was true of both King David and King Solomon. In some instances if a woman’s husband died, the brother of the husband who died was to take his late-brother’s wife to be his wife even if he was already married (See Deuteronomy 25:5). This was to preserve his brother’s family line. It is my understanding, too, that in other instances men had more than one wife so that some women wouldn’t be forced into prostitution, slavery or starvation in order to survive.

In the New Testament, however, 1 Timothy 3:2, 12 and Titus 1:6 give “‘the husband of one wife’ in a list of qualifications for spiritual leadership…. While these qualifications are specifically for positions of spiritual leadership, they should apply equally to all Christians. Should not all Christians be ‘above reproach … temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money’ (1 Timothy 3:2-4). If we are called to be holy (1 Peter 1:16), and if these standards are holy for elders and deacons, then they are holy for all.”²

Furthermore, in Ephesians 5:22-33 wherever the Apostle Paul is giving instructions to husbands and wives his directives are always in the singular; that is, they are never plural in either multiple wives or husbands.

2. Same-Sex Marriage

Another prominent question that many are asking today is what does the Bible have to say about same sex marriage?

“While the Bible does address homosexuality, it does not explicitly mention gay marriage/same-sex marriage. It is clear, however, that the Bible condemns homosexuality as an immoral and unnatural sin. Leviticus 18:22 identifies homosexual sex as an abomination, a detestable sin. Romans 1:26-27 declares homosexual desires and actions to be shameful, unnatural, lustful, and indecent. First Corinthians 6:9 states that homosexuals are unrighteous and will not inherit the kingdom of God. Since both homosexual desires and actions are condemned in the Bible, it is clear that homosexuals ‘marrying’ is not God’s will, and would be, in fact, sinful.

“Whenever the Bible mentions marriage, it is between a male and a female. The first mention of marriage, Genesis 2:24, describes it as a man leaving his parents and being united to his wife. In passages that contain instructions regarding marriage, such as 1 Corinthians 7:2-16 and Ephesians 5:23-33, the Bible clearly identifies marriage as being between a man and a woman. Biblically speaking, marriage is the lifetime union of a man and a woman, primarily for the purpose of building a family and providing a stable environment for that family.”³

The Bible makes it clear that marriage, which is ordained by God, is to be between a man and a woman. Same-sex marriage is thus a perversion of God’s plan for marriage. (Genesis 2:21-24; Matthew 19:4-6).

And as Ronald Reagan so wisely said some years ago, “As goes the family so goes the nation.”

In My Genes. Many gay and homosexual people claim that their attraction to and desire for the same sex is in their genes so there is nothing they can do about it but give in to it. This may or may not be true but the fact is that sin is in my genes (actually in everybody’s genes), as the Bible says, “For I was born a sinner—yes, from the moment my mother conceived me” Psalm 51:5 (NLT). But does this give me the right and an excuse to do what I hunger or “passion” to do? Of course not. Such would be absurd and end up destroying just about everyone.

Keep in mind, though, while God loves all sinners—including you and me—he hates all sin because sin is totally destructive to those whom he loves: you and me. Christians are to do the same; that is we are to love all sinners but not accept any actions that God’s Word labels as sin. We are also called to be the “salt of the earth” and as such we need to take a stand against all sin and evil and live as well as speak the truth.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your Word, the Bible, which gives all mankind clear instructions for every area of living—all of which is for the protection and good of all mankind. Please give me the desire to learn what your Word teaches and the desire, will and help to live accordingly. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Timothy 3:2 (NKJV).

2. From Got Questions.org http://www.gotquestions.org/polygamy.html.

3. From Got Questions.org http://www.gotquestions.org/gay-marriage.html.

Relationships are truly the spice of life. When we get to the end of our life who wants to be the richest man in the cemetery? Not me, but I do want to be rich in loving relationships.

I have no idea who the author is but I have read the following commandments for getting along with people.

1. Speak to people. There is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greeting.

2. Smile at people. It takes seventy-two muscles to frown and only fourteen to smile.

3. Call people by name. The sweetest music to anyone’s ears is the sound of his or her name.

4. Be friendly and helpful. If you would have friends, be friendly.

5. Be cordial. Speak and act as if everything you do is a genuine pleasure [make sure that it is].

6. Be genuinely interested in people. You can find something interesting about every person.

7. Be generous with praise … and cautious with criticism.

8. Be considerate of the feelings of others. It will be appreciated.

9. Be thoughtful of the opinion of others. There are three sides to a conversation/argument: yours, the other person’s, and the right one!

10. Be alert to give service. What you do for others is important.²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be a friendly person and a channel for your love to every life I touch. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Jesus in John 13:34 (NIV).

2. Encounter magazine (Australia).

“Dear Dick,” a reader writes, “I am a single 38-year-old woman and many people ask why I’m not married? I tell them, ‘I just haven’t found the right one yet.’ However, if I find someone like my dad who was warm and open and a real gentleman, I will have a change in plans. Such men are a rare find in these times.”

Dear Jessica (name changed), I’ve taught seminars on relationships for a number of years, and one of the most repeated questions I am asked by both single and married women is, “Where are the men who understand my feelings and express theirs; that is, who can communicate at a feeling level?”

Sadly, our Western culture has by and large conditioned men pretty much to be in denial regarding our inner self (our feelings and motives). It happens to a lesser degree with women, but we certainly need a totally different view of what true manhood and masculinity is. For a starter, regarding men my belief is that one of our greatest strengths is to admit our weaknesses (then we can do something about them), and that being macho (pretending to be strong) has nothing to do with masculinity. Being macho is a symptom of being out of touch with our inner self (feelings and motives), and is one of our biggest weaknesses, and a cover-up and denial of our insecurity.

Genuine masculinity and true strength start with being ruthlessly honest with our inner feelings and motives. Admittedly, this can be like learning a whole new language, but learn it we must if we want to communicate effectively with our wife, children, and close friends and therein greatly enhance our relationships.

Masculinity also involves being courteous, kind, loving, warm, gentle, non-controlling, exercising tough love when called for, and just plain being real. In other words it means being like Jesus. We can learn a lot about him by studying the Gospels and noting how Jesus related to others; how he dealt with people who ripped off others, and with hypocrisy, which he condemned vigorously. One thing is certain, Jesus was always real.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me in all of life to speak truly, deal truly, and live truly so that I will become more and more in every way like Jesus—an authentic Christian gentleman. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 51:6 (NIV).

I read recently about a man who said, “I failed my son when he needed me most. I was under a great strain from a workload I seemed unable to escape. A gulf came between me and my son, and when I recognized it, it was too late. I have never been able to regain communication. I failed God as well as my son.”

In our dreadfully materialistic culture in the Western world, far too many parents (who are on the obsessive merry-go-round of what the secular world calls success) try to buy off their kids with endless things, and/or get them involved in endless activities so they don’t have to spend time with them.

In some of America’s most affluent class, madness reigns. Super wealthy parents can give their kids “an ‘Atherton Castle’ [that] comes with a two-story, seven-foot-square ‘fort,’ and a ten-foot bridge that connects to another five-level fort with a ‘crazy bar’ climb—all for only $54,600. If that price seems steep, there’s a ‘pirate’s haunt’ for only $35,000.”² There’s far higher priced models too.

We, including our children, were created for relationships with each other—not with things. We all need to be bonded to people, without which we live together alone apart and consequently suffer from emotional malnutrition and die a little every day.

What kid needs any gift—be it large or small—without the loving emotional connection to his mom and dad? More than anything else our kids need our presence, to be with them, listen to them, be kind to them, care about them, help them, and communicate to them through word and deed that we truly love them. If a child doesn’t feel loved, he/she is heading for major problems somewhere down the road—and it may be just around the corner.

And by the way, our spouses have exactly the same need. I have a friend from back home who, when her husband was climbing the ladder of success, used to say, “My husband gives me everything I want … except himself.” Needless to say their marriage failed.

When we try to pay off our kids with things and our wives with expensive jewelry and the like, we wonder why our kids get into serious trouble and our spouses have emotional or physical breakdowns and/or get involved in an affair. I had another friend who, when going through chemotherapy, said, “I know why I have cancer. I’m dying of loneliness in my marriage.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to love my spouse and my children as you love me, and help me to make them, as well as my relationship to you, my number one priority in life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Timothy 5:8 (NASB).

2. Quoted on Breakpoint with Chuck Colson, Feb 25, 2005.

Not so long ago two of my sisters and a brother-in-law from Australia visited us here in California. John, my brother-in-law came down with a heavy cold and was feeling lousy. He went to a local pharmacy to get some medication—or to try to get some. He spoke to the pharmacist (chemist, as he called him) and said in his heavy Aussie accent, “I have a dreadful cold and need some medicine todie.”

“I beg your pardon,” replied the pharmacist, “you want what?”

“I want some medicine todie.”

“I can’t do that for you,” the pharmacist declared.

“But I’m feeling very sick and need help todie,” John repeated, and for the life of him he couldn’t understand why the pharmacist wouldn’t help him. John ended up walking out of the pharmacy and came home very frustrated.

John and the pharmacist were both speaking the same language but neither one understood the other. When John, with his heavy Australian accent, said, “I need help todie,” translated into American he was actually saying, “I need help today.”

Needless to say when we “translated” for him, we all had a fit of laughter.

In relationships however, miscommunication can be the cause of considerable misunderstanding and conflict. Two partners or friends may be saying the same thing but each interprets it differently. When Joy and I have a disagreement (which is rare), it is almost always a communication problem. We misinterpret what the other had said. We think that what we think is what the other was thinking when they didn’t say what we thought they said and didn’t know what they were thinking. That’s how confusing miscommunication can be.

So … three keys for effective relationships are: (1) communication, (2) communication, and (3) communication.

So again … all of us (including myself) need to stick to the old remedy by counting to ten before we fly off the handle when we are upset by what another has said. Before jumping to a wrong conclusion, ask, “I’m confused, did I hear you correctly?” Explain what you heard, and then ask, “Is this what you meant? If not, will you please explain so I don’t misunderstand you?”

We have only communicated effectively when the listener interprets in his/her thinking as close as possible to what we meant in what we said. Something we all need to work on when communicating.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that even when I don’t get my words right, you understand what my heart is saying. Please help me to do likewise with all my loved ones and friends. Help me, not only to be a good communicator in what I say, but also a good listener and in close relationships always listen with my heart as well as with my head. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 5:37 (NKJV).

It has been said that the job of the preacher is to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comfortable! So here goes!

I often hold the door open for people when entering or exiting a restaurant or store—be it for a woman or a man, the young or the old, a boy or a girl. Most are appreciative and say thank you, but quite a few don’t bother to say anything. I’m often tempted to say, “You’re welcome,” anyhow, but bite my tongue.

And it never ceases to amaze me how many people ask me via email to do something for them without saying please, thank you, or anything courteous—not to mention drivers who cut in front of you on the highway, etc., etc.

Or like I’ve said before about the many people who just leave their shopping cart out in the parking lot for someone else to put away … some even leave them in car parking spaces. And what about people who throw their garbage out of their car window and litter the magnificent highways we are so privileged to have, at least where I live? And what about those who dump their empty beer and soft drink cans and trash along hiking trails in our beautiful forest and mountain areas?

I can’t help but wonder how these self-centered, thoughtless folk act at home?

Whatever happened to old-fashioned courtesy—thinking of others, saying please and thank you, cleaning up our own messes, picking things up after ourselves, and fixing what we break?

In the early church Christians were known for their love for one another. Would to God that this were true today. Love is always expressed, not in what we say or in what we believe in, but in what we do and how we treat others. And I don’t think we can have love without courtesy and thoughtfulness towards others. Furthermore, it’s the little things—not the big things we do—that define who we really are.

Let’s make sure we reflect the love of God and Spirit of Christ in everything we do and say. “WWJD—what would Jesus do?” is still a good principle by which to live.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, again today I pray, please help me to be as Jesus to every life I touch and give me the wisdom to know what you would do in situations where I am not sure how to act. May I be known for my love and concern for others and always be Christ-like and courteous in every situation. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Romans 12:9-11 (NLT).

The North American Indians had no written language before they met the white man. Their language, however, was far from primitive. Many of the Indians had as many words in their vocabulary as their English and French exploiters. Some of their words were much more picturesque, too. For example, “friend” to the Indians was “one-who-carries-my-sorrows-on-his-back.”

Every one of us needs at least one trusted Indian-type friend with whom we can share our deepest sorrows and disappointments. We all need a helping hand and a listening ear when we’re going through difficult times; a shoulder to cry on when we are hurting, loving arms to hug us when we are lonely, and a good friend to laugh with us when we are happy.

Choose friends who are encouragers. Avoid as far as possible friends who are negative—and those “who are cursed with the affliction to give advice” when it is neither asked for nor wanted. They’re not your friends. They will drain you. Being loving doesn’t mean that we let people walk over us. Being “as Jesus” to people often requires tough love which, when necessary, is the most loving thing to do.

And most important of all … be an Indian-type friend!

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be an Indian-type friend to others and at the same time not allow others to walk over me. Give me the wisdom to know when to exercise tough love and the courage to do this when called for—but always in the Spirit and love of Jesus. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV).

“Please help me,” a Daily Encounter reader asks. “Is it okay to ask God to send me a special someone/companion to share my life? And how will I know that God has sent this person?”

You can ask God for every desire of your heart as long as it is in harmony with his will. He hears all sincere prayers and answers them—not always in the way we want them to be answered, but always in the way that is best for us.

However, to be attracted to and find a healthy, mature adult we need to be a healthy mature adult our self. So the key is learning to pray the right prayer; rather than asking God to send you or lead you to the right partner, you need to ask God first and foremost to help you become the right partner.

The fact is that only healthy, happy, mature people find healthy, happy, and mature partners. If an immature, unhealthy, self-centered person asks God for a life partner, will God lead them to a healthy and mature person? Not likely. And yet I see people expecting God to do this sort of thing all the time.

In our Western culture at least, romantically we are basically attracted to a partner where our neuroses (unresolved personal issues) mesh and we call it love or falling in love. Often it’s pure passion and/or need. This can lead to real love, but the problem with falling in love is that once the passion subsides, if we don’t have anything deeper, instead of growing in love we’ll fall out of love.

So the important way to pray is to ask God to help you grow in maturity and that he will then lead you to a healthy, mature person. Furthermore, to grow in maturity takes strong commitment and hard work on our part. There’s no such thing as instant maturity.

And how will you know this person you want to marry is God’s choice? First, realize that the choice is yours. God will give you wisdom and direction if you truly want it, but he won’t make your choices for you. That’s your responsibility because God isn’t codependent. And how will you know this person and you are right or best for each other? To discover this I urge couples to seek not only God’s direction in prayer, but also wise competent Christian counseling where, besides intense counseling, both partners are given psychological tests before they ever say, “I do.” This is using your head as well as your heart in one of life’s most important and critical decisions.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please lead me by your Holy Spirit to see any areas of immaturity in my life that I need to resolve. Help me to find the help I need to overcome any such issues. And then please give me wisdom and direction in finding a healthy and mature life partner (and/or good friends). Furthermore, teach me to always pray the right prayers, ones that are based on truth and reality, and are in harmony with your will. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: For further help, read “How to Get Prayer Answered.” Click on: https://learning.actsweb.org/faith_prayer_answer1.htm.

1. 1 John 5:14-15 (NIV).

It’s an old story but well worth repeating. It’s about Babe Ruth who was one of the all-time greats of American baseball. For years he had been the idol of sports fans. Time, however, took its toll. I read how, in one of his last games, he began to falter. He struck out and made several misplays that allowed the opposing team to score five runs in one inning. As he walked from the field, he was greeted with an enormous storm of boos and catcalls from the stands. Fans shook their fists.

Then a little boy jumped over the railing and, with tears running down his cheeks ran out to the great athlete. Unashamedly, he flung his arms around his hero’s legs and held on tightly. Babe Ruth picked him up, hugged him, set him down, and together the two of them walked off the field hand in hand.

A poet wrote:

I went out to find a friend,

But could not find one there.

I went out to be a friend,

And friends were everywhere!

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be a faithful friend at all times. And thank you that your friendship for me is never based on my performance—good or bad—and that you love me at all times no matter what. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 17:17.

If you are a parent, I’m sure you have noticed the profound difference in the response when you call your kids on a hot day to tend to their chores or call them to come in for their favorite cold drink and a chocolate ice cream!

We adults aren’t that much different … a little more subtle perhaps, but as the communicators remind us we all pretty much hear only what we want to hear and see only what we want to see. To complicate matters even more, because of selective distortion, we see things the way we want to see them. That is, we see things not the way they are but the way we are.

Selective distortion means that we distort messages to make them match our values and/or perception of reality. For example, the more dishonest I am with my inner self (my true emotions and motives), the more I will distort all messages to make them match my values and/or perception of reality. I will even distort God’s Word to make it say what I want it to say.

In other words we all see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear, see things the way we want to see them, distort them to make them match our perception of reality, and finally, because of selective retention, we remember only those things we want to remember—everything else is conveniently forgotten.

These dynamics happen not only in political races, but also at every level of society and affect all our relationships. While political campaigns fortunately pass, relationships are with us forever.

For effective relationships effective communication is vital. This includes avoiding the distortion of reality and speaking the truth truthfully as well as listening without distorting what we are hearing.

There are many words of advice one could give regarding how to communicate effectively, but the bottom line is this: be real! For instance, the more unreal or in denial I am (the more repressed and dishonest with my true emotions and motives), the more I will distort all facts, messages, and communications to make them match my perception of reality. On the other hand, the more real, honest, and truthful I am, the clearer I will see all other truth, including God’s truth, and the less I will distort these.

The fact remains, without access to the truth—including one’s own inner truth—there are no authentic relationships and no effective communications.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be real and always honest with my true emotions and motives. And please deliver me from any form of distortion when listening to others and in all that I say. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 5:12 (NIV).