There is deep within the heart and soul of every one of us a need and longing to belong. The one who has no sense of belonging and being connected in relationship to at least one meaningful companion or friend, is more likely than not to become physically ill, depressed, a patient in a mental institution, or even suicidal. It may not be the most desirable but we can live without being in a romantic relationship, but we cannot live healthily without having at least one (and preferably more) healthy relationships.

Not belonging, not feeling loved and accepted and/or being rejected can be one of life’s most painful experiences. Ralph Keyes in his book Is There Life after High School? writes that Mia Farrow has never forgotten the time every girl but Mia was asked to dance. Nor did Charles Schulz of “Peanuts” cartoon fame ever forget that the yearbook staff rejected his every cartoon. Movie actress Ali McGraw confesses she doesn’t forget the fact that she never had one date in all of high school. Henry Kissinger is best remembered by his classmates as the kid nobody wanted to eat lunch with at school.”²And perhaps many of us can remember when kids were choosing teams and we were the last one to be chosen. It was pretty devastating.

As I’ve said many times, if Jesus, when on earth, needed close friendly relationships, how much more do we need them? Speaking personally, one of the best places I have found to find healthy connections and friendships is in a healthy, non-judgmental, non-legalistic, loving, God-fearing (respecting) church.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank You that you have created me for relationships. Please help me first to be a good friend and then find a few loving relationships to get legitimate needs met in healthy ways. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Hebrews 10:25 (NLT).

2. Donald B. Strobe, Collected Words. Cited on www.Sermons.com.

“A study was done by psychologist Dr. Henry H. Goddard, on energy levels in children. He used an instrument he called the ‘ergograph.’ How he ever got some children to stand still long enough to connect them to the machine is a mystery. But he did, and his findings are fascinating.

“He found that when tired children are given a word of praise or encouragement, the ergograph shows an immediate upward surge of new energy. When the children are criticized and discouraged, the ergograph shows their physical energy take a sudden nosedive.”²

I’m sure the same principle applies to teenagers and adults of any age. When we are genuinely thanked, praised, and encouraged, we definitely feel much better and energized. And when we are criticized or just feel bad, our energy level certainly falls and we are de-energized.

We all need to be encouraged daily … so let’s decide that we will first of all be encouragers ourselves, especially to those we love the most, to our friends, and also to strangers as opportunities arise.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to develop the gift of encouragement and use this gift liberally to all who come into my life who need a word of good cheer. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV).

2. From: Holwick’s Illustrations, http://www.holwick.com/. Cited on WITandWisdom by Richard Wimer. www.witandwisdom.org.

I’m sure you’ve heard the old example of how to keep a fire burning in a fireplace. It’s about keeping the burning logs and coals stoked together. Coals that fall away from the body of the fire soon become cold and their fire goes out.

This is an excellent illustration of why those who claim to be believers in Jesus need to be actively involved in a good church. To keep on fire—that is, enthusiastic, regarding our faith we need fellowship and connection with fellow Christians.

Furthermore, we were created for relationships. Christianity is not only having a right relationship with God, but also with others. Healthy relationships are vital for healthy living and meaningful growth—physical, emotional, and spiritual. We may exist but cannot live meaningfully and healthily in isolation.

God himself is in relationship: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. And one of the first things Jesus did at the commencement of his earthly ministry was to choose twelve “that they might be with him.”²

We need not only to “walk with Jesus” but also with each other. None of us can make it alone. We weren’t meant to. Likewise we need to belong to a fellowship filled with warm and loving Christians to help keep us “on fire” for God.

Note: Be sure to read the article, “What a Good Church Can Do for You” at http://tinyurl.com/bs9jf.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to stay connected to loving and supportive Christians so I can stay enthusiastic about my Christian faith and ‘on fire’ for You. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Hebrews 10:25 (NLT).

2. Mark 3:14.

“Whatever our hands touch… we leave fingerprints. On walls, on furniture, on door knobs, dishes and books. As we touch we leave our identity.

“Oh [God] please wherever I go today… help me leave heartprints—heartprints of compassion, understanding and love. Heartprints of kindness and genuine concern.

“May my heart touch a lonely neighbor, or a runaway daughter, or an anxious mother, or perhaps a dear friend!

“I shall go out today to leave heartprints, and if some one should say, ‘I felt your touch,’ may that sense be your loving touch through me!”²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me today and every day so that my life will reflect your likeness so that the people I rub shoulders with will see your love shining through me so that I will leave heartprints from you on them. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 2 Corinthians 3:18.
2. Author Unknown.

According to twenty years of research from the University of Colorado, the number one cause of marriage breakdown is the inability to manage conflict creatively.

For example, Jim’s first marriage failed and he is now on his second marriage. Almost immediately after the honeymoon was over, problems began to surface. By the end of the second year Jim and Sharon were in major conflict.

Their problem isn’t their fighting. That’s just a symptom of their unresolved personal issues. Unfortunately, while Sharon knows she has a problem, Jim doesn’t think he has any. In his mind the conflict is all Sharon’s fault.

True, Sharon had an abandoning father and feels very threatened whenever Jim even goes to lunch with a male friend. Her fear of abandonment gets triggered, which causes her to cling to Jim. However, she admits she is overreacting and is going to counseling to help resolve her problem.

On the other hand, Jim had a smother-mother and, whenever he feels Sharon is clinging to him, he overreacts too, gets angry and blames Sharon for his overreaction. The impasse or deadlock is that Jim won’t admit that he, too, has a problem. Consequently, he won’t go for help.

So what hope do they have? Almost none unless both are willing to take ownership of what they are contributing to their conflict.

However, if both are willing to be honest with themselves before God, get down on their knees together and ask God to show them what they are each contributing to the conflict they are in, take full responsibility for their part, and ask God to help them find the help they need, then there is great hope for both personal growth and resolution.

As God’s Word says, “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”

Suggested Prayer: “Dear God, whenever I am in a conflict situation, please help me to see my character weaknesses so that I can bring these to you for your healing, and lead me to the help I need to overcome these issues. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 145:18 (NIV).

“True love is like quick-silver,” said Ann Landers, “if you hold it in the palm of your hand, it will remain. If you try to grasp it, it will slip through your fingers.” Perhaps this is what Jesus meant when he said, “Whoever will save his life will lose it: and whoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”

In other words, when we cling to life to live only for ourselves or cling to another person out of our over-dependent need, we lose what we need the most: Love. This is because we have mistaken need for love. Only as we let go of unhealthy need, are we free to love.

In other words, do I love you because I need you or do I need you because I love you? The first is unhealthy and immature; the second is healthy and mature.

Only as we learn to love without strings attached do we find genuine love and the fullness of life.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to resolve all of my unresolved issues so I don’t cling to others or do things out of unhealthy immature need, so I am free to let go and learn to fully live and fully love. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 16:25.

In other words Jesus developed intellectually, physically, spiritually and emotionally; that is, he grew to become a whole, healthy and well person. God’s goal, I believe, is for you and me to do the same.

The reality is that only to the degree that we are made whole will our lifestyle, attitudes, actions, behaviors, and our relationships be wholesome.

When it comes to relationships—especially romantic relationships—most of us want someone who is healthy and whole to be attracted to us. But unless I am healthy and whole, a healthy and whole person won’t be attracted to me.

Furthermore, in relationships two halves don’t make a whole. Relationships are like multiplication: one-half multiplied by one-half equals one-quarter, while one whole multiplied by one whole equals one whole.

Only whole people find wholesome relationships, and only happy people make happy relationships.

Wholeness is available to all who want it. But as we noted yesterday, only those who truly want to be made whole—and are willing to pay the price—will be. The choice is up to each one of us. Jesus’ invitation is open to all.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, with your help I choose to be made whole. Please show me what is my responsibility—what I need to see, hear, and do—and please give me the courage to do it. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 2:52 (NIV).

I have taught in workshops in the area of divorce recovery for a number of years. In my experience a large percentage of the divorced people I’ve worked with primarily blame their partner for the breakup of their marriage.

It seems that many of us, like the lawyer in today’s scripture, are willing to justify ourselves. While there are always exceptions, it is rare that any one person is totally responsible for the failure of a marriage—or for a relational conflict. There are rarely any totally innocent parties. We all contribute something in some way.

For example, Tom complained bitterly how cold and distant Mary, his wife, was and that she was afraid to love. She may have been, but what Tom doesn’t realize is that he was attracted to Mary because he, too, is afraid to love. He had been hurt in childhood and hadn’t resolved his issues.

Shirley was attracted to Bob, an alcoholic, because she was a super co-dependent and needed someone to take care of in order for her to feel loved. It wasn’t surprising to learn that her father was also an alcoholic. As the old saying goes, “Better the devil you know than the one you don’t know.”

It may not be easy to accept but the fact is that we can tell a lot about ourselves by the people we are attracted to. This is especially true in romantic relationships.

I grew up taking care of my mother, my younger sisters, and the family home. So what kind of persons do you think I was attracted to? You’re right. They were people who needed to be taken care of. I could see the “holes in their head” but couldn’t see the meshing “bumps on my head.”

I had a lot of growing to do … still do … but as I have grown, I have been attracted or drawn to much healthier friends.

Only as we stop justifying ourselves and take a long, honest look at ourselves and resolve OUR problems, do we ever have any hope of wholesome relationships.

Suggested Prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be honest with myself, others, and with you. Help me to see my character flaws that may be adversely affecting my relationships. Help me to stop justifying myself and lead me to the help I need to overcome my faults. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 10:29

Even if you are aware of why geese fly in “>” formation, it is a good reminder for us humans. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates uplift for the bird immediately following. By doing this, the whole flock adds at least 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.

When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone—and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.

When the head goose gets tired, it rotates back and another goose flies point. Also, the following geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep on keeping on and to keep up their speed.

Also, when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshot, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies, and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.

We would do well to follow the example of the geese.

Suggested Prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be a good team member to lead when it is my turn, and to be a good follower and encourager when another is taking the lead. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Hebrews 10:25 (NIV).