“If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly; for when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil.”¹

A Daily Encounter reader writes, “I have a problem. I am verbally cruel to my wife and don’t understand why. I yell at her a lot and put her down. Please pray for me.”

Dear Josh (name changed), thank you for being open and honest with me and admitting that you have a problem—this is the first step in overcoming any difficulty. My prayer for you is that you will ask God to help you to see the root cause of your issue and lead you to the help you need to overcome it.

It seems obvious that you have a lot of unresolved anger which undoubtedly has its roots in a stressful or impaired relationship from the past. This is what is being triggered in your relationship with your wife. As today’s Scripture lesson teaches us, anger is meant to be resolved as quickly as possible. Unresolved anger doesn’t go away. When we deny or bury it, it will come out in one destructive way or another—not only in damaging our relationships but in physical ills as well.

Could you be angry at your mother by any chance, or angry at another significant woman when you were a child, or even angry at your father? Only when you deal with and resolve impaired relationships from the past will you be able to live in harmony with your wife and have peace in your present relationships.

I suggest that you see a well trained Christian counselor—preferably one that specializes in anger management. And always pray and ask God to help you to see the real cause of your problem and help you to resolve that.

For additional help read the article, “Taming Your Anger” on the ACTS website at: http://tinyurl.com/b439f

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your Word, the Bible that gives practical advice for every area of living—spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and physically. Please help me always to live in harmony with your teachings. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:26-27 (TLB).

<:))))><

“Your kingdom [God] is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.”¹

“In the latter days of the Vietnam War, an American Colonel named Earl Woods made a promise. Woods believed that his friend, a South Vietnamese colonel named Vuong Phon, saved his life. In gratitude for that act, Woods promised to name his son after his friend, who was known as ‘Tiger.’ Sports fans will immediately understand that the promise was kept. That son has immortalized his father’s friend for most everyone has heard of Tiger Woods.”²

When I was growing up in secular Australia, in grade school every chapter in our English class readers [text books] had a moral that applied to healthy everyday living, and on the header over the door of every classroom was a motto. I still remember one of these that was from the Bible: “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.”³ We were also taught that “a man was as good as his word.”

I also learned early in life that a man who didn’t keep his word couldn’t be trusted—such was a serious character flaw. Sadly today for many, giving their word doesn’t mean a thing. Think of so many crooked business leaders who lie by cooking their financial books, politicians who make promises to get votes, promises they have no intention of fulfilling, and so many of the rest of us who place little value on the word we give and the promises we make.

So I ask myself the question, “Am I as good as my word? Am I a man of character who keeps his word and fulfills his promises?”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you always keep your word, and that you always fulfill your promises. Please help me to do the same. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 145:13 (NIV).
2. By J. Michael Shannon, http://tinyurl.com/36bvwm
3. Ecclesiastes 9:10 (NIV).

<:))))><

“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”¹

Having worked for a number of years with singles especially in the area of divorce and grief recovery, a constant question raised by many has to do with sexuality. As one person asked, “How far can [an unmarried] couple go regarding being intimate sexually without compromising their integrity as Christians?”

I heard one teacher say that sex for single adults wasn’t a problem because if you aren’t having sexual relations, you lose your desire for it. That makes about as much sense as saying if you aren’t getting food, you lose your desire for it. I heard a well-known teacher state that the answer for sex and the single adult was discipline. Both of these teachers were married!

True, discipline is certainly needed but discipline alone isn’t sufficient. Having been single myself for a number of years, I can understand the struggle and the challenge.

But why does the Bible teach that sex is for married couples only? There are a number of good reasons. It is so unwanted babies will not be brought into the world—or babies without both a mother and father to care for them. It is a protection against disease … including the deadly disease of AIDS. Also, when a couple gets involved sexually too soon, they can become physically bonded without becoming bonded in a healthy manner emotionally and spiritually.

Also, sexual intimacy can blind a couple to reality and cause them to ignore major character weaknesses in their partner. It can stop them growing as whole persons and easily become an addiction. It can leave committed couples guilt-ridden and destroy what could have been a wonderful relationship.

For a couple that chooses to live in harmony with God’s will and save sex for marriage, how can they cope with their powerful sex drive?

First, it is advisable to keep yourself accountable to a trusted friend or group of the same sex.

Second, it is wise to have interests so you can sublimate much of your sex drive by pouring your energy into creative and fulfilling pursuits such as serving others, having a hobby, or a work into which you can put your heart and best efforts.

Third, be sure to get legitimate needs met in legitimate ways. For example, we have a need for several areas of intercourse (besides sexual intercourse) such as the following:

• Intellectual intercourse—a mutual sharing of ideas.
• Social intercourse—being with and sharing social times with friends of both sexes.
• Emotional intercourse—an honest sharing of feelings with trusted friends and developing healthy non-romantic relationships.
• Spiritual intercourse—relating to and staying in fellowship with God and living in harmony with his will.

These needs can all be met outside of marriage and can be a big help in waiting for marriage to get one’s sexual needs met. However, if we don’t get these needs met in healthy ways, we open ourselves to temptation in a vain attempt to get our needs met in unhealthy ways including through sexual intercourse. Big mistake!

Fourth, most importantly, be sure that your partner is committed to the Lord and to his will. This will include being committed to celibacy until marriage. Pray together often and, above all, commit and trust your life and your relationship to the Lord every day.

Fifth, don’t allow yourself to be in compromising places and situations where you know you will leave yourself wide open to temptation.

Sixth, if you have already given in to sexual temptation, ask for God’s forgiveness and start again determining, with God’s help and wise planning, not to give in to sexual temptation.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you created us male and female, and for the gift of sexuality. With your help I choose to live in harmony with your will. I surrender my sexuality to you. Help me to get legitimate needs met in legitimate ways so that I will not set myself up for undue temptation and fall into sexual immorality. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Colossians 3:5 (NIV).

<:))))><

“But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’”¹

I have read how a parts manager for a small electronics shop had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead.

Furious at the factory’s incompetence, he promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind. Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words: “TURN THE PART OVER.”²

You’d be amazed at how many people get mad at me because they can’t receive their Daily Encounter. I need to remind them that our server only has the control of the sending. The receiving is totally out of our control. Others get mad at me because they can’t unsubscribe. Very often it is because they are trying to unsubscribe an address they aren’t subscribed as. After I have checked everything at our end and explained the above situations, not one subscriber has ever apologized to me for blaming me for their error.

Sadly, too many of us are a too quick to blame others for our “mistrakes” and too slow to apologize for them.

When it comes to relationships, blaming others for our problems can be disastrous. Tell me … I’ve taught in divorce recovery classes for years and I’d say about 90 percent of the divorcees I’ve worked with primarily blame their former spouse for the break up of their marriage—without even considering that every one of us contributes something to a failed relationship.

True, we all make mistakes, but the one who wins in the long run is not the one who plays the blame-game but the one who can say and genuinely mean it, “I was wrong. Please forgive me.”

Furthermore, the only person God can help is the one who can say from the heart, “O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your loving mercy for always forgiving me when I genuinely confess my sins and failures to you—and ask for your forgiveness. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: For additional help read, “Forgiveness: The Power That Heals” at Forgiveness: The Power That Heals: http://tinyurl.com/3bw3q3

1. Luke 18:13 (NLT).
2. Sunday Funnies Humor, http://www.net153.com/best.htm

<:))))><

“When Jesus saw her [Mary] weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ‘Where have you laid him [Lazarus]?’ he asked. ‘Come and see, Lord,’ they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him.’”¹

Chuck Swindoll in his book Killing Giants, Pulling Thorns, tells about “a little girl who lost a playmate in death and one day reported to her family that she had gone to comfort the sorrowing mother.

“‘What did you say?” asked her father.

“‘Nothing,’ she replied. ‘I just climbed up on her lap and cried with her.’”

What did Jesus do when his friend Lazarus died? He wept.

Rare is the friend who knows how to weep with those who weep.

Also, know when to be silent. In the same book Chuck tells about Joe Bayly who lost three of his children. He quotes from Joe’s book, The view from a Hearse. Joe writes: “I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God’s dealings, of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave. He talked constantly. He said things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except to wish he’d go away. He finally did.

“Another came and sat beside me. He didn’t talk. He didn’t ask me leading questions. He just sat beside me for an hour or more, listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left.

“I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go.”²

This visitor and the little girl were being as Jesus to hurting people. May God help us all to be and do likewise.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me a tender and sensitive heart and help me to be as Jesus to hurting and sorrowing people. Help me to be silent when I need to be silent, speak kindly when a tender word is needed, and to weep with those who weep. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. John 11:33-36 (NIV).
2. Today’s Daily Encounter is taken from I Hate Witnessing-A Handbook for Effective Christian Communications, by Dick Innes (2003 edition), p. 89. Available at: www.actscom.com/store.

<:))))><

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”¹

The story is told how a good friend of Henry Ford was very upset because Ford didn’t buy a large life insurance policy from him.

When he asked why he had purchased the policy from a total stranger and not from him, Ford replied, “You never asked me.”

When somebody wants something from me, I want them to ask me directly, and not beat around the bush or try to manipulate me, etc., etc.

According to the words of Jesus, God wants us to do the same—to be direct, detailed, and determined; that is, to ask directly for what we want—”For he who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

I wonder, too, how many of our personal contacts would come to Jesus if only we asked or invited them to—even if it is through giving or sending them an attractive and appropriate piece of gospel literature, or sending and recommending the web address of a suitable gospel web site. For help see the article, “Too Important Not to Share” at: https://learning.actsweb.org/announce.php

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to be direct and up front in all my communications with you—and my closest friends. Help me to ask for and earnestly seek every blessing and good gift that you long to give me. And give me the courage to invite my friends and family to accept you as their personal Lord and Savior. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Jesus, Matthew 7:7-8 (NIV).

<:))))><

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”¹

A Daily Encounter reader writes, “My son is seeing a young woman who is trying to force him to marry right away even though they hardly know each other. Is there any way I can advise him?”

As your son is legally an adult, there isn’t much you can do unless he seeks your counsel. If he were my son and asked for my counsel and is a Christian, the following is what I would do:

1. I would encourage him to pray earnestly for God’s direction and especially that God would reveal to him the truth, both about himself and about his lady friend, and their relationship. When physical attraction and/or need is strong, couples are very often blind to reality, marry before they really know each other, and alas too late discover they made a big mistake. However, when seeing the truth before marriage, at least the one earnestly seeking the truth knows what he/she needs to do.

2. I would urge him to receive the best possible pre-marriage counseling with his potential life partner as this is an excellent way to see the truth about each other and to see if they are well suited for each other or otherwise.

3. I would warn him that anyone who is pushing to get married too soon and before receiving adequate pre-marriage counseling is either very needy and over-dependent and/or hiding a character weakness—possibly a serious one—and wants to hook a partner before his/her flaws are discovered.

4. If my son is a Christian and his lady friend is not—based on God’s Word I would let him know that this is a big NO-NO. As God’s word wisely advises, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”² For a healthy and strong relationship it is very important that both are emotionally mature and spiritually in harmony with each another.

5. Above all, I would encourage my son to earnestly seek God’s guidance regarding this relationship and to make sure he and his potential spouse pray together regularly and put God first in both their personal life and relationship should they decide to, or not to, marry. If they don’t do this before marriage, it isn’t too likely they will do it afterwards.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be a fine Christian example to my children so that they, seeing my life, will want you to be first in their life and always seek your guidance and seek to live in harmony with your will. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV).
2. 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV).

<:))))><

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”¹

As reported by Chuck Colson in BreakPoint, “Loren Marks, who teaches at the School for Human Ecology at Louisiana State University said, ‘An interview with the Australian magazine, Mercatornet, listed some of the reasons why religious beliefs and practices make such a difference for many men.

‘First, married couples who are actively involved in the same faith tend to have stronger, happier marriages and this impacts father-child relationships in a positive way.

‘Second, religious fathers are far less likely to abuse alcohol and other drugs than non-religious fathers, and an estimated 80 percent of child abuse is alcohol related.

‘The third factor is the belief that fathers will be personally accountable to God for their good (or bad) fathering. This [creates] a sacred motivation to be a better father. It’s this factor which sets religious life apart as a maker of better fathers.’”²

As H. Jackson Brown, Jr. said, “Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.” And Robert Fulghum, “Don’t worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they’re always watching you.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, as a father (and/or mother) please help me always to be ‘as Jesus’ to my children and family members—and everybody else—and so live that they, seeing Jesus in me, will want Jesus for themselves. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 6:4 (NIV).
2. Chuck Colson, Faith and Fathers,
BreakPoint, July 27, 2007, www.breakpoint.org

<:))))><

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”¹

Change is rarely easy. In fact it can be very difficult to change the patterns learned in our developmental years. Solomon noted the importance of early training some 3,000 years ago. Dorothy Law Nolte explained it rather precisely in the following words:

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.²

It hardly needs saying that we need to be very loving in the way we bring up our children. But what if we, as adults, didn’t receive loving, wholesome training as a child ourselves? Can we change? Yes, if we truly want to and are willing to accept responsibility for doing what we need to do to change.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, knowing that my parents did the best they knew how, help me never to blame them for any problems I have, and please give me the desire to keep growing so I become a warm, loving, accepting adult/parent. And please lead me to the help I need to overcome the effects of any deficiencies in my childhood training. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Solomon (Proverbs 22:6).
2. Adapted from “Children Learn What They Live” by Dorothy Law Nolte. See www.actsweb.org/child_live_with.php

<:))))><

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”¹

One day a man came home from work to find total mayhem at home. The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over.

He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her. He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?” She again smiled and answered, “You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?”

“Yes,” was his reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it!”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to appreciate what my wife/husband/mother/father/friends/others do for me. May I never take them for granted and may I be as committed to helping them as they are to me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. The Apostle Paul (Ephesians 5:25).

<:))))><