All posts by 5Q

Should I Marry an Angry Man?

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“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”1

A Daily Encounter reader asks, “I just broke my engagement with a man whom I deeply loved. We have had a lot of problems and when he gets angry, he is out of control and says very hurtful words. He wants us to get back together but I am very confused. How can I know God’s will?”

Dear Joanne (name changed), it is true that broken engagements and broken relationships can be incredibly painful. I know. I’ve been there. However, to discern God’s will in these matters it might be wise to first ask, “What is not God’s will?” In answering this question, you can be certain that it isn’t God’s will for you to allow anyone to abuse you. People who do are almost always codependent; that is, they have a need to “fix” others in order to avoid facing and “fixing” their own problems.

Second, you can be certain that God’s will is that you first work on your own growth and maturity. There is a reason why you were attracted to an angry man. For instance, was your father an angry man by any chance? Whatever the reason, it is imperative that you ask God to face you with the truth about yourself, and to show you the issues in your life that you need to resolve. Furthermore, what we fail to resolve we are destined to repeat.

While God doesn’t make our decisions for us, He will give us wisdom if we ask Him for it.

Obviously we need to be very wise in such situations and not allow ourselves to be controlled by our heart alone. The reality is that as long as this man has a serious anger problem, anyone who marries him will be heading for future heartache and disaster.

Unless this man gets into an in-depth anger management counseling program (that probably isn’t likely) to resolve his anger problem, it is imperative that you don’t go back to him. And even if he does get into such a counseling program, you would need to have absolute assurance from his counselor that he has resolved his anger (and any other relational problem/s).

Much wiser for you to resolve your hurt and move on without this man in your life. Better to feel hurt and disappointed now than suffer for the rest of your life. I trust these suggestions will help.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, in every painful situation please give me the wisdom to see, first of all, what I am contributing to the problem, and the good sense to resolve my own issues first. And then help me to see the overall truth of the conflict I am in so I will know exactly what I need to do. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. James 1:5 (NASB).

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Songs in the Night

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Job asked, “Where is God my Maker, who gives songs in the night?”1

I have read how Ludwig van Beethoven, one of the world’s greatest musicians, was born into a musical family in Germany.

By the age of eleven he was already composing his own music and conducting an orchestra. In his late teens he went to Vienna for further study. There he reached fame, though not fortune.

According to the story, one evening when Beethoven visited in a cobbler’s house, he noticed that the young lady at the piano was blind, so he offered to play the piece for her. He did so for her for more than an hour and while he did, darkness fell and the lone candle in the room had gone out.

Outside in the night sky the moon shone brightly and sent its radiant beams glistening into the room where Beethoven sat playing beautiful music. He was so inspired by the appreciation of his music by the young lady and the beauty of the atmosphere in the room that he composed his famous “Moonlight Sonata.”

Do you ever feel that your dreams have been shattered and you feel all alone in the darkness of despair? I certainly have. However, when our life is committed to Christ, it’s in these “dark nights of the soul” that God is working in us to give us more understanding of life and compassion for others, and in time will bring back “beautiful music” into our life.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please put a song in my heart, a song of gratitude and love for You for all that You have done for and given to me. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Job 35:10 (NIV).

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Heartprints of Kindness

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“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”1 “He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.”2

William Wordsworth also said it well: “That best portion of a good man’s life; his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.”

The following well-known anonymous poem is well worth a reminder:

“Whatever our hands touch –

We leave fingerprints!

On walls, on furniture

On doorknobs, dishes, books.

There’s no escape.

As we touch we leave our identity.”

So for today’s suggested prayer: “Dear God:

‘Wherever I go today

Help me leave heartprints!

Heartprints of compassion

Of understanding and love.

‘Heartprints of kindness
And genuine concern.
May my heart touch a lonely neighbor
Or a runaway daughter
Or an anxious mother
Or perhaps an aged grandfather.

‘Send me out today
To leave heartprints.
And if someone should say,
“I felt your touch,”
May they also sense the love
that is deep within my heart.’3

“Thank You God for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:32 (NIV).

2. Proverbs 14:31 (NIV).

3. Author Unknown

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Arm-Twisting for God

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“Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.”1

Some time ago I was a lay leader in my local church. On more than one occasion a fellow lay leader (who claimed to have the spiritual gift of discernment), in important leadership meetings, would state at the very beginning of the meeting that God had told him how the matter at hand was to be.

End of discussion? Who can argue against what God has said? At one meeting where we were discussing the future of the church, as graciously as I could I said, “God hasn’t told me how it should be so can we discuss this matter.” Fortunately we did. At the time the church was land-locked without any room for growth. After lengthy discussion it was decided to consider relocation. Today it is now a thriving church in a new and excellent location.

Yes, I believe in the importance of spiritual gifts. However, all who claim to have certain spiritual gifts do not necessarily have them. God’s Word tells us to test the spirits to see if they are of God or otherwise.

Unfortunately, because of immaturity, insecurity and needing attention, some folk are guilty of arm-twisting for God; that is, they use God-talk in order to gain attention, to be in control, to get their own way, and/or to feel important.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be courageously honest with myself and You and never be guilty of ‘arm-twisting’ in Your name in order to gain attention or to get my own way. And please give me a discerning spirit so that I will know what is from You and what is not. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. 1 John 4:1 (NIV).

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Success

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The Apostle Paul said, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”1

Success has been well defined as “the ability to embrace a worthwhile goal and then employ all of your powers for the achievement of that goal.”

Having a goal is the first step in the success of anything. Without a specific goal it is all too easy to go every-which-way with one’s endeavors and thereby dissipate one’s energies. And, if we’re not careful, we can end up not accomplishing anything worthwhile with our life. We become like the proverbial marksman who shoots first and then draws a bull’s eye around where he hit in a vain attempt to seek to convince himself and others what a good marksman he is!

According to motivational speakers, only about three percent of people have a major goal for their life. This shouldn’t be true of Christians because God has a major life goal for every one of us. That goal will put to good use our God-given talents in serving others because we serve God by serving people.

It helps to clearly define our major goal in life by writing it out as often as possible. This helps to instill it in our unconscious mind that, in turn, helps us almost to go on automatic pilot so we, too, like Paul, will press toward our God-given life goal.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me to discover the God-given major goal for my life and give me the motivation, direction and help I need to fulfill it for Your glory. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Philippians 3:14 (NIV)

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No Greater Love

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“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”1

Maxwell Maltz tells the story of a man who’d been severely injured while attempting to rescue his parents from a fire. His heroic efforts proved to be in vain, though. His mom and dad died in the burning house.

During his rescue attempt the fire badly scorched his face and disfigured it. He was so ashamed of his appearance that he refused to allow anyone—including his wife—to see his face.

For help, his wife went to Maltz, a plastic surgeon. “Not to worry,” he assured her, “I can restore his face.”

Despite the good news, the wife still felt disheartened. Her husband had always refused any medical treatment. Assuming he wouldn’t change his mind, she said to Maltz, “I want you to disfigure my face so I can be like him! If I can share in his pain, then maybe he will let me back into his life.”

Maltz tried to mask his horror at the request. He refused to perform the operation, but was so moved by this woman’s love for her husband that he went to visit her husband. Through closed door, he yelled, “I’m a plastic surgeon. I want you to know that I can restore your face.”

No reply.

“Please, won’t you come out? At least let me see your face. At least talk to me.”

Silence.

Still speaking through a door, Maltz told the man of his wife’s request. “She wants me to mutilate her face in order to make her face like yours. She hopes that you will then let her back into your life. That’s how much she loves you.”

Ever so slowly the doorknob turned.2

True, it must be extremely painful to be disfigured and feel that no one will ever accept you. May God help all of us, including me, to love and accept those who suffer so.

At the same time it is important that each of us realizes how totally repulsive our sinfulness is to God because he is a God of absolute holiness. In spite of this he loves and accepts us unconditionally. God also hates our sin because it is totally destructive of those whom he loves—us. But because of his great love for us, God gave his Son, Jesus, to die on the cross to pay the penalty for all our sin so we can be totally “healed from sin’s deathly disfigurement,” and be freely forgiven and saved from sin’s deadly consequences—eternal separation from God, the author of all love and life.

If you have never accepted God’s love and forgiveness, I urge you to do that today. For help read “How to Find and Know God” at: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank You that, in spite of the ugliness of my sinfulness, You love and accept me totally and unconditionally. Help me to truly appreciate what You have done for me and live a life that will bring honor to Your name. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. John 15:13 (NIV).

2. Maxie Dunnam, ‘This Is Christianity‘ (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1994), pp. 60-61, http://isbn.nu/0687084105. Cited on WITandWISDOM, www.witandwisdom.org.

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On Ducks and Eagles

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“How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, ‘Your God reigns!’”1

Jim Rohn said, “The first rule of management is this: Don’t send your ducks to eagle school. Why? Because it won’t work. Good people are found not changed. They can change themselves, but you can’t change them. You want good people, you have to find them. If you want motivated people, you have to find them, not motivate them.

“I picked up a magazine not long ago in New York that had a full-page ad in it for a hotel chain. The first line of the ad read, “We do not teach our people to be nice.” Now that got my attention. The second line said, “We hire nice people.” I thought, “What a clever shortcut!”2

In spite of the spin of the daily news—emphasizing mostly bad news in the world around us while neglecting most of the good news—God is at work in today’s world. He does have a plan and is looking for motivated people to do his work here on earth—to stand in the gap to “proclaim salvation” and save lost souls—for it is only motivated people who get God’s work done. The half-hearted never make it.

Motivation comes from within—from people who are genuinely committed to Christ and desire to see God’s work on earth done—and get involved in doing it.

You, too, can have a vital role in what God is doing in the world today—the world in which you live. There is no greater privilege on earth … no greater reward in heaven … and no greater way to invest your life for time and eternity—than to be a part of God’s plan and what he is doing in your world today. Sometimes it takes involvement to get motivated.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank You that you use ordinary people to do Your work on earth. I’m available to stand in the gap where I live. Please use me to be a part of Your plan and help me to be ‘as Jesus’ in some way to every life I touch—every day. Thank You for this wonderful privilege, and thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. Isaiah 52:7 (NIV).

2. Jim Rohn, excerpted from ‘Leading an Inspired Life,’ Cited on From the Masters www.beliefnet.com

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Life Has an Expiration Date

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“It is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment.”1

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”1

“Life Has an Expiration Date” was a statement that I read on somebody else’s email but I don’t know who to credit it for it. However, it is an excellent reminder that life is short and we only have one life to live and invest.

I would like to again quote one of my many favorite one-liners from William Penn, the 18/19th-century French/American religious leader who said, “I expect to pass through the world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness I can show to any creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

Penn’s words bring to mind one of my good friends who died at age 44 from cancer. I was with Graham shortly before he passed away and asked him how he felt being only 44 and given only a matter of a few months at best to live. One of the unforgettable things he spoke about was how difficult it was for him when some friends who visited him in the hospital rattled on with empty words, or said “the right thing” but without feeling or heart. He was dying and to him their words were empty, meaningless clichés. He wanted to talk about life, death, and being ready to meet God face to face—and issues that mattered.

He also said how angry he was because there were so many things he didn’t get done and still wanted to do—but his time was up and he would never get them done. This was one of his big regrets. But his main regret was that he felt he hadn’t spent enough time with his kids and family.

Graham’s words remind me how temporal life is. None of us has any guarantee of tomorrow, so (not being fanatical about it) we do need to live every day with eternal values in mind.

So, do you have any unfinished business? Any impaired relationships that you can and need to resolve? Anyone you need to let know how much you love them? May I kindly suggest that you do it today! And, above all, do you need to get right with God? This I urge upon you to do today—now.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to remember the words of the poet who said, ‘Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last,’ and live life to the fullest—but with eternal values uppermost in my mind. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

NOTE: To be sure your life is right with God read, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian” at: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9

1. Matthew 6:19-21 (NIV).

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Did I Make a Difference—Did You?

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“Wash yourselves and be clean! Get your sins out of my sight. Give up your evil ways. Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.”1

On a recent Saturday night Joy and I were relaxing at home listening to gospel music and heard the Oakridge Boys singing; “Did I Make a Difference?” The words were very inspiring and challenging. Following are some of the lyrics:

“I’m caught up in the push and shove,

The daily grind, burning time, spinning wheels,

I wonder what I’m doing here,

Day to day, year to year, standing still.

Somewhere there’s a teacher with a heart that never
quits,

Staying after school to help some inner city kids,
A mother who’s a volunteer, a soldier in the fight,

I can’t help but ask myself when I lay down at
night.

“Did I make a difference in somebody’s life?

What hurts did I heal? What wrongs did I right?

Did I raise my voice in defense of the truth?

Did I lend my hand to the destitute?

When my race is run, when my song is sung,

Will I have to wonder, did I make a difference?

Did I make a difference?”2

Dear reader, when your race of life is run and you come to the end of life’s journey and look back on your life, will you be able to say that you have made a difference in somebody’s life, and in the world in which you lived? Or when you stand before the Master, Jesus, to give an account of your life,* will you be able to say with confidence that you made a difference with your life? And will I? Let’s make absolutely certain that you and I will truly be able to say, “Yes, by the grace of God, we did make a difference.”

The good news is that if you want to make a difference, you can. Just make yourself available to God every day to use you as He pleases!

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, again today I surrender my heart and life to You. Please help me to so live today and every day in such a way—to be ‘as Jesus’ in some way to every life I touch—so that my life will make a difference in somebody’s life, and also in the world in which I live. And please grant that by Your grace when I stand before Your judgment seat to give an account of my life, I will not be empty handed, but will hear Youe welcoming words, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant, your life made a difference in many people’s lives, enter into the joy of your Lord.’ Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’s name, amen.”

*“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.”3

1. Isaiah 1:16-17 (NLT).

2. http://tinyurl.com/kxac9je

3. 2 Corinthians 5:10 (NKJV).

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The Weakness of the “Strong”

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“Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.”1

It happens in clubs, churches, at work, on committees, and pretty much wherever people are involved in any kind of work or planning group. Often there is at least one so-called strong person who has a need to be in control—and “lord it” over the others.

The fact is that some of the people we call strong; that is, domineering and controlling people, are anything but strong. They are control freaks because they are immature and insecure. The only way they feel secure is when they are in control. They are difficult to work with, to plan with, and even more so to live with.

Jesus gives us the perfect example on how to live and lead. He always spoke with authority but was never authoritarian or controlling. He had true strength, which never has a need to control or lord it over others.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of controlling and seeking to ‘lord it over others.’ If I should ever do this, help me to see that this is not a sign of strength but a symptom of weakness and insecurity, and then get the help I need to overcome my problem. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’s name, amen.”

1. 1 Peter 5:2-3 (NIV).

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