One person asks, “I know that one of the Ten Commandments is to honor one’s father and mother, but how can I do this when they fought like crazy and brought me up in the midst of never-ending conflict where I felt neglected, rejected and trapped?”

In his book, Home Is a Four-Letter Word, R.E. Lybrand talks about several prisoners who were flipping through a merchandise catalog and discussing what they would like to give their mothers as a gift. As they looked at beautiful homes, one wanted to be able to provide such a home for his mother. When looking at a car parked outside one of these homes, another prisoner wished he could purchase a nice car for his mother so she could come and visit him in jail.

Another prisoner just stared blankly at the catalog not saying a word. Upon being asked what he would like to give to his mother, he said in a sorrowful tone, “I wish I could give my mother a more honorable son,” grieving the fact that his dishonorable life had dishonored his mother.²

I think this prisoner got it right. I agree in that one of the best ways we can honor even bad parents is by being grateful for whatever good we received from them (the gift of life for example), by not allowing our past and what they did or failed to do to or for us to control our future, and by living such a life that it will both honor them and God. With God’s help this we can do.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, I thank you for the gift of life that came through my parents and for all the good qualities I inherited from them. Help me to see all these qualities, resolve all past hurts caused by them, and forgive them as you have forgiven me for my sins and failures. And help me to so live that my life will honor both them and you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Deuteronomy 5:16 (NIV).

2. R.E. Lybrand, Home is a Four-Letter Word: Preaching Resources to Strengthen Christian Marriages and Families, Inc., CSS Publishing, Lima, Ohio.

A Daily Encounter reader asks, “How do I know when God is talking to me? I am so confused and I need so much help. My life is so hard and bad each day. I pray for guidance and wisdom and I don’t know if God hears me, or if he still loves me. I don’t feel that anyone loves me anymore.”

Dear Jane (name changed), actually, God is continually broadcasting his love, power and blessings to all of us. The problem lies with our reception. It’s the cloud layers of our unresolved personal issues that block our feeling God’s love and being aware of his presence. These same issues stop us from feeling loved by others. In other words, it’s negative feelings that get in the way—any one or more of a number of feelings of super-charged, repressed negative emotions such as unresolved hurt, grief, anger, resentment, jealousy, and/or a lack of forgiveness, plus fear of what God might want us to do or not do, or even guilt if we are living a life that we know is out of harmony with God’s will.

First, to overcome, we can know what God is saying by reading and studying his Word, the Bible. All the directions we need for wholesome living are there, we just need to read and study the Bible so we know what God’s Word says, accept it by faith regardless of our feelings, and live in harmony with his directives. Furthermore, as long as our life is committed to God and we have accepted Jesus as our Savior, we have Christ’s promise that he will never—not ever—leave us or forsake us.² Again, we need to believe this in spite of what we may or may not feel.

Second, God’s Word also says, “The Lord is near to all who call on him; to all who call on him in truth.”³ So if we are going to feel/know/experience God’s presence and “hear” what he is saying to us, it is essential when praying that we are totally honest with ourselves and with God and confess to him exactly what is going on in our life and how we feel. We also need to ask God to keep guiding us on the path to truth so we will see any barrier in our life that may be blocking our experiencing his presence and love.

Keep in mind, too, that Jesus also said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”⁴ So, as long as there is any area in our life where we don’t feel free, we can be certain that there is some truth (or truths) we are not seeing and confronting. Once you see this truth, you will know what you need to do to put matters right.

Finally, you also said that you don’t feel that anyone loves you anymore. More often than not, it’s the negative feelings mentioned above, most of which are caused by impaired significant relationships (anywhere from yesteryear to early childhood), that stop our feeling loved by both God and people. When we resolve these negative emotions, confess our sins to God and to at least one safe friend or counselor,⁵ forgive any and all who have ever hurt us, and resolve any and all significant impaired relationships, we not only feel loved by people again but also by God. When we have unresolved impaired relationships and negative emotions (which may be repressed from conscious memory), most of us need a well-trained and capable counselor to help guide us through this healing process.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for the instructions for creative living you have given in your Word, the Bible. Please give me a love for studying your Word, the help I need to understand it, and the courage to live by the directives as found therein. And lead me to the help I need to resolve all of my negative emotions and impaired relationships so I will know and experience your presence and love as well as feeling love for and from others. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Acts 17:27-28 (NIV).

2. See Hebrews 13:5.

3. Psalm 145:18 (NIV).

4. John 8:32 (NIV).

5. To find a counselor see “Suggested Resources for Counseling” at: http://tinyurl.com/85cel. Note, these resources are U.S. based, but some online services can be reached from Australia, New Zealand and from around the world. ACTS in no way receives any remuneration from any of these services. We list them as a service only.

Here in the West, at least, we have the greatest wealth, comforts, conveniences, and material possessions of any people anywhere in the world … and at the same time we are plagued by stress, anxiety, depression, impaired relationships, and the breakdown of the family. You’d think we’d get it that material possessions, while they may bring fun for a while, don’t bring any kind of lasting happiness or fulfillment. For many of us the more we get the more we want.

So why are we so materialistic? One major reason is because we are so repressed; that is, emotionally repressed.

“And what do you mean by that?” I can hear some readers saying.

It’s because when we don’t have that which is real, we exchange it for the false; that is, we settle for a poor substitute. For example, when fear is repressed it can express itself as anger or in phobias. Instead of feeling my fear, I lash out in anger. Or instead of facing my fear within, I project it onto the spider on the wall or some other irrational object or circumstance. By blaming my fear on an external object I avoid having to face it within.

Also when the emotion of love is repressed, it may express itself in an insatiable thirst for approval or as lust. Both of these may feel like love but they aren’t love. And while at first they may bring some “pleasure” for the moment, they leave the person empty and unsatisfied, and hungering for more approval or more sexual exploits. This in turn increases their feeling of emptiness, and their “searching for love in all the wrong ways and places” becomes a never-ending vicious cycle. Wanting more and more … and being satisfied less and less.

What about the emotion of wonder? Wonder is the emotion that when we see a beautiful sunset, walk along a sandy beach, stand on top of a high mountain and view the splendor below, feel the grasp of a baby’s tiny hand, etc., etc., we experience an overwhelming sense of awe and hopefully marvel at God’s creation. When wonder is repressed, not only do we not feel this great sense of awe, but are characteristically bored with life, and end up unhappily loving things and using people instead of loving people and using things. That’s materialism. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have nice possessions. Not at all. But when our life is driven and controlled by a never-ending desire for more money to buy more things to get more possessions, that’s materialism at its core, and is a sure-fire symptom of an empty, repressed life and an equally empty society.

If we are going to overcome the problem of materialism, it is imperative that we get in touch with all of our God-given emotions and use them as God intended. This, by the way, is a vital part of being made whole and being in touch with one’s “whole” or entire self. Keep in mind, too, that when we repress our emotions our stomach keeps score and can, and often does, lead to stress, sickness, depression, impaired relationships and spiritual dryness.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, knowing that you desire ‘truth in the innermost being’ please help me to get in touch with all of my God-given emotions, and never bury, deny or repress them, but use them as you designed. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 12:15 (NIV).

It was a very hot summer day when Herman Trueblood was walking home from a cool dip in the ocean when he noticed a man perspiring profusely as he was trying with the help of his two young sons to push his broken-down car up an incline.

Trueblood looked at the struggling trio and said to himself, “Here is an opportunity for service. You ought to give them a hand.” An opposing voice within chimed in, “No, It’s none of your business. You’ll get yourself all hot and dirty. Let them take care of their own responsibility.”

Eventually he yielded to the better impulse, put his shoulder to the task and all working together pushed the car over the incline and on its way.

Before they took off, the father, putting his hand out to Trueblood, said, “I’m very glad that you came along. You had just enough strength, added to ours, to make the thing go.”

Trueblood noted, “Years have passed since that hot day, but I can still hear that man saying, ‘You had just enough strength, added to ours, to make the thing go.’”

There are numerous people around us who are barely making it over their private hill of despair when, with a helping hand, they could make it.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please use me to be a helping hand to a friend in need who just can’t make it alone. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Galatians 6:2 (NIV).