All posts by 5Q

A Compulsive Need to Rescue

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“For each one shall bear his own *load.”1

A Daily Encounter reader writes, “My friend Jane (name changed) is broken-hearted. Her boyfriend of four years broke up with her and the guy still keeps in touch with her. She still loves him so much. Jane is now so much pained especially that the guy told her he impregnated his current girlfriend. She feels very much responsible for him. Until now she still feels responsible for him and blames herself for letting him go astray and of not being strong enough for him. How can I help her get out of being in that state?”

Here is another example of co-dependency which is when someone takes on the responsibility for someone else. This of course isn’t love. It’s need. That is, one needs to feel needed (rescue others) in order to feel okay about themselves. One would ask, “How in the world could Jane be responsible for a man making another woman pregnant?” Boggles the mind! But that’s not the way the codependent sees it. They don’t see it as a Messiah complex.

The codependent’s problem is just as real as the problem of the one they are seeking to rescue. As long as they are doing this, they don’t have to face their own issues. This is like seeing the holes in the other person’s head but unable to see the matching bumps in their own head!

Among other things, the codependent is always seeking to short circuit the natural consequences of somebody else’s negative behavior. Only as the codependent gets out of the way and allows the problem person to face the consequences of his/her self-destructive behavior, does this person have a chance of facing reality and getting the help they need to get well. There’s no guarantee that they will, but as long as we keep rescuing them, that’s almost a guarantee that they won’t get well.

So for all we rescuers (of whom I was the “chief of sinners”), we need to face and accept our problem and get the help we need to get well. Codependency can look like it is Christian, but it isn’t. It is also stopping people from becoming dependent on God by keeping them dependent on us. It’s a sickness from which we need healing and deliverance.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, in any and all areas where I may be being codependent, please help me to see, admit, and confess it. And please lead me to the help I need to be made well and whole. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Galatians 6:5 (NKJV).

*NOTE: The word ”load” in today’s Scripture denotes a load that one is quite capable of carrying him/herself.

See article on “Overcoming Codependency” at: http://tinyurl.com/8p4t6

Melody Beatie’s books, Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency are also helpful reading.

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Danger of Setting Dates for Christ’s Return

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Jesus said, “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man [Jesus Christ] will come at an hour when you do not expect him.”1

It is amazing how intensely some people get caught up in the setting of dates regarding Christ’s return and the end of this age. Jesus said that only God, the Father, knew the exact time his return would be. And yet whenever predictions are made with a specific date for Christ’s return, there are gullible people who believe it and give up all they have in preparation for that day.

Over the centuries there have been various theories as to when and how the world might end. If you google “date setters” on the web, you will learn that over the past 2000 years there have been many who have claimed that the world would end or that Christ would return on a certain date. Obviously they were all wrong. Following are just two of the many.

German mathematician, Michael Stifel, based on his study of Revelation, calculated that God’s Day of Judgment would be on October 19, 1533.2

Charles Taze Russell, founder of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, calculated 1874 to be the year of Christ’s return. It was then changed to 1878, 1881, 1910, 1914 with later dates.3

Unfortunately, because of these and modern-day fanatics, many people, including Christians, ignore or even shy away from the biblical teaching about Christ’s coming again and the end of this age as we now know it.

However, Jesus himself promised that he would come again.4 The angels of God assured the astounded followers of Jesus on the day of his ascension into heaven following his death, burial and resurrection saying, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven.”5 According to Jesus’ words (when he was on earth) only God the Father knew the date and time of his return to earth.6

The fact is that Jesus is coming again. We just don’t know when. It may not be for a hundred, or a thousand years, or it may be today. The important thing is to be sure that you are ready, for when we least expect it, Jesus will come again. As Theodore Epp said, we need to “live as though Christ died yesterday, rose from the grave today, and is coming back tomorrow.”

To be sure you are ready for Christ’s return read, “How to Be Sure You’re a real Christian Without Having to Be Religious” at: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for the wonderful hope that Christians have in that Jesus is coming again to take all his true followers to be with him forever in Heaven. Please help me to live as if he were coming back today so I will always be ready for Jesus’ return. Above all, please use me to tell as many people as possible about your wonderful life-saving gospel message. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 24:42-44 (NIV).
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Stifel
3. http://www.preservedwords.com/rapture.htm
4. John 14:1.
5. Acts 1:11 (NIV).
6. Mathew 24:35-36.

NOTE: ACTS does not necessarily endorse the websites listed in 2 and 3 above.

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Doers vs. Watchers

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“Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”1

Dr. J.B. Gambrel tells an amusing story from General Stonewall Jackson’s famous valley campaign. Jackson’s army found itself on one side of a river when it needed to be on the other side. After telling his engineers to plan and build a bridge so the army could cross, he called his wagon master in to tell him that it was urgent the wagon train cross the river as soon as possible. The wagon master started gathering all the logs, rocks and fence rails he could find and built a bridge. Long before daylight the wagon master told General Jackson that all the wagons and artillery had crossed the river. General Jackson asked where the engineers were and what were they doing. The wagon master’s only reply was that they were in their tent drawing up plans.”2

It has been said that there are three kinds of people: those who make things happen; those who watch things happen; and those who don’t know that anything is happening!

With God’s help, I want to be a doer and among those who make things happen. In college days, I was attending a college-age youth group in a church. The group was struggling and I was asked by the leaders what I thought was wrong. I said that I didn’t feel I had a right to criticize unless I was willing to do something about the problems. Guess what? I got actively involved as a doer. These were some of my best college days.

Let’s not be critical unless we are willing to be involved. To be a doer, start doing something of eternal value, realizing that we serve God by serving people.

Suggested prayer, “Dear God, please help me to invest my life by being actively involved as a doer in the work of your Kingdom—no matter how small and menial the tasks I do may appear to be. And help me every day to be “as Christ” to all who cross my path. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 84:10–11 (NIV).
2. Pulpit Helps, May, 1991.

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Sex and the Single Adult

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“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”1

Having worked for a number of years with singles especially in the area of divorce and grief recovery, a constant question raised by many has to do with sexuality. As one person asked, “How far can [an unmarried] couple go regarding being intimate sexually without compromising their integrity as Christians?”

I heard one teacher say that sex for single adults wasn’t a problem because if you aren’t having sexual relations, you lose your desire for it. That makes about as much sense as saying if you aren’t getting food, you lose your desire for it. I heard a well-known teacher state that the answer for sex and the single adult was discipline. Both of these teachers were married!

True, discipline is certainly needed but discipline alone isn’t sufficient. Having been single myself for a number of years, I can understand the struggle and the challenge.

But why does the Bible teach that sex is for married couples only? There are a number of good reasons. It is so unwanted babies will not be brought into the world—or babies without both a mother and father to care for them. It is a protection against disease … including the deadly disease of AIDS. Also, when a couple gets involved sexually too soon, they can become physically bonded without becoming bonded in a healthy manner emotionally and spiritually.

Also, sexual intimacy can blind a couple to reality and cause them to ignore major character weaknesses in their partner. It can stop them growing as whole persons and easily become an addiction. It can leave committed couples guilt-ridden and destroy what could have been a wonderful relationship.

For a couple that chooses to live in harmony with God’s will and save sex for marriage, how can they cope with their powerful sex drive?

First, it is advisable to keep yourself accountable to a trusted friend or group of the same sex.

Second, it is wise to have interests so you can sublimate much of your sex drive by pouring your energy into creative and fulfilling pursuits such as serving others, having a hobby, or a work into which you can put your heart and best efforts.

Third, be sure to get legitimate needs met in legitimate ways. For example, we have a need for several areas of intercourse (besides sexual intercourse) such as the following:

  • Intellectual intercourse—a mutual sharing of ideas.
  • Social intercourse—being with and sharing social times with friends of both sexes.
  • Emotional intercourse—an honest sharing of feelings with trusted friends and developing healthy non-romantic relationships.
  • Spiritual intercourse—relating to and staying in fellowship with God and living in harmony with his will.

These needs can all be met outside of marriage and can be a big help in waiting for marriage to get one’s sexual needs met. However, if we don’t get these needs met in healthy ways, we open ourselves to temptation in a vain attempt to get our needs met in unhealthy ways including through sexual intercourse. Big mistake!

Fourth, most importantly, be sure that your partner is committed to the Lord and to his will. This will include being committed to celibacy until marriage. Pray together often and, above all, commit and trust your life and your relationship to the Lord every day.

Fifth, don’t allow yourself to be in compromising places and situations where you know you will leave yourself wide open to temptation.

Sixth, if you have already given in to sexual temptation, ask for God’s forgiveness and start again determining, with God’s help and wise planning, not to give in to sexual temptation.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you created us male and female, and for the gift of sexuality. With your help I choose to live in harmony with your will. I surrender my sexuality to you. Help me to get legitimate needs met in legitimate ways so that I will not set myself up for undue temptation and fall into sexual immorality. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Colossians 3:5 (NIV).

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Six Powerful Words

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“But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’”1

I have read how a parts manager for a small electronics shop had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead.

Furious at the factory’s incompetence, he promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind. Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words: “TURN THE PART OVER.”2

You’d be amazed at how many people get mad at me because they can’t receive their Daily Encounter. I need to remind them that our server only has the control of the sending. The receiving is totally out of our control. Others get mad at me because they can’t unsubscribe. Very often it is because they are trying to unsubscribe an address they aren’t subscribed as. After I have checked everything at our end and explained the above situations, not one subscriber has ever apologized to me for blaming me for their error.

Sadly, too many of us are a too quick to blame others for our “mistrakes” and too slow to apologize for them.

When it comes to relationships, blaming others for our problems can be disastrous. Tell me … I’ve taught in divorce recovery classes for years and I’d say about 90 percent of the divorcees I’ve worked with primarily blame their former spouse for the break up of their marriage—without even considering that every one of us contributes something to a failed relationship.

True, we all make mistakes, but the one who wins in the long run is not the one who plays the blame-game but the one who can say and genuinely mean it, “I was wrong. Please forgive me.”

Furthermore, the only person God can help is the one who can say from the heart, “O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your loving mercy for always forgiving me when I genuinely confess my sins and failures to you—and ask for your forgiveness. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: For additional help read, “Forgiveness: The Power That Heals” at Forgiveness: The Power That Heals: http://tinyurl.com/3bw3q3

1. Luke 18:13 (NLT).
2. Sunday Funnies Humor, http://www.net153.com/best.htm

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Strengthen Your Self-Confidence

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God said to Joshua: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”1

According to Samuel Johnson, “Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.” This is true for both the non-Christian and the Christian alike but what the Christian needs perhaps even more is God-confidence.

As another has pointed out, “Moses lacked self-confidence when God called him. Had Joshua had lots of self-confidence why would God have told him to not be afraid? Gideon certainly lacked self-confidence. And until the disciples of Jesus were filled with the Holy Spirit, understandably, they had little if any self-confidence. When Jesus was taken captive, they fled. Undoubtedly, just as I would have done had I been in their shoes. Had Paul had lots of self-confidence in all situations, why would God have sent an angel to him when he was in prison to tell him to fear not? And over and over God had to tell David not to fear.”

Lacking self-confidence is par for the course for most of us because we all struggle with this to some degree. So how do we overcome?

First, we need to build on our successes and not our failures … and on what we can do, not on what we can’t do! For instance, I may be a terrible bricklayer but that doesn’t make me a terrible or bad person.

Second, more importantly, building up our self-confidence needs to come from within … that is, building up my belief in myself. This comes mostly from being open, honest and transparent with at least one or two trusted friends to whom I reveal my total self—warts and all. As they love and accept me as I am, little by little I learn to love and accept myself as I am. And as we grow in a healthy self-love, it is amazing how our self-confidence increases.

Third, how do I build up my God-confidence? I do this by choosing to trust him no matter how I feel. When I am lacking in self-confidence, I just keep saying to God, “I’m afraid but I choose to trust you in this situation.” Eventually my feelings catch up with my choice to trust God.

We also build up God-confidence through experience … by stepping out and practicing faith in God and doing what we believe he wants us to do. As we see God using us, our God-confidence grows.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you love and accept me as I am … please help me to do the same … and help me to grow to become the person you want me to be so that my God-confidence and self-confidence will increase greatly—all for the glory of your name and not mine. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Joshua 1:9 (NIV).

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Dreams: God’s Forgotten Language? Part II

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“Your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions.”1

Dreams not only give valuable personal insights but also have given many creative insights. Some inventors, for example, have received profound ideas from dreams. I recall reading how the inventor, Elias Howe, designed the first sewing machine. He was having great difficulty in conceiving a workable needle. When he was close to running out of money, he had an unusual dream. He dreamt that he was about to be executed because he failed to design a sewing machine for the king of a strange country.

In his dream he was surrounded by guards, all of whom held spears that had been pierced with holes near the tip. Howe woke up and immediately rushed to his workshop. The perfect concept for the sewing machine needle came to him in this dream. Within a few hours the first sewing machine design was well on the way to being completed.

I have heard it said that the theory of relativity came to Einstein in either a dream or a vision. Apparently he saw it on a beam of light. I have also read that the design for the first radio tube came to the inventor in a dream.

Was it time for these discoveries to come into the world and did God give them to the persons who were trained to understand them and put them to use? Or did they just happen by chance? I prefer to think the former.

So whatever we think about dreams, as we said yesterday, they are a God-given gift in that he gave us the ability to dream. Whether we repress them as many do, ignore them as most do, or use them for creative purposes as some do is entirely up to each individual.

If you want to remember your dreams, keep a pen and pad at your bedside and record any dream that makes a strong impression on your mind. Speaking personally, dreams have given me some valuable insights for growth and recovery.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for the God-given ability to dream. Whenever I have a dream that is meant to help me grow, resolve an issue, do a good deed, help someone in need, or gain a valuable insight, please help me to interpret it correctly and use it for the purpose for which it was given. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Joel 2:28 (NKJV).

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Dreams: God’s Forgotten Language? Part I

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“I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied.”1

Dreams. Do they have meaning and purpose? Does God still speak to people through them?

Technically speaking, dreams are the right or creative side of the brain communicating to the left or logical side of the brain. They are often visual symbols of what we are feeling deep inside. Clinical tests have shown that we all dream every night even if we don’t remember what we have dreamed.

Dreaming is one of nature’s ways to relieve tension. In one test, sleepers were monitored with electronic equipment to show when they were dreaming. As soon as they started to dream, they were awakened and the dream stopped. The test had to be discontinued after several nights as the people in the test were becoming too emotionally distressed.

Some dreams can be caused by an emotional upset; others by stress or physical pain. For several days following an operation on my Achilles tendon, which I snapped twice in three months, I kept dreaming over and over that I was falling and snapping my tendon. These were more like nightmares!

At other times dreams can be very insightful. For instance, some dreams have clearly shown me conflicts from childhood that I needed to resolve.

Repeated dreams that follow a theme—such as when we are trying to run from something but can’t move, or when we are being chased but can’t get away, or falling and can’t catch ourselves—may indicate an unresolved fear or conflict from the past. It’s nature’s way of notifying us that we need to resolve some long forgotten memory.

But does God ever speak to us today through dreams as he did in Bible times?

I think so. On one occasion when my organization (ACTS International) was facing a severe financial crisis, I was feeling very afraid and discouraged, and fell asleep during my morning devotional time when I had a fascinating dream. In the dream I heard a voice that said very clearly, “Philippians 4:18 makes sense to me.”

Immediately I woke up, opened my Bible to that passage and read the following: “I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied!” I had never memorized that Scripture verse so it didn’t come from my memory bank! That certainly encouraged me and, by way of interest, we did survive that crisis.

Some dreams may be from God. Most aren’t. However, the ability to dream is. And we have been given them for a purpose—at least to relieve stress and to gain insights for personal and spiritual growth. The difficulty can be in interpreting them correctly. However, through prayer and practice we can learn to do this and use them creatively.

To be continued ….

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for the ability to dream. Help me to recognize when my dreams are telling me that I have an issue that needs to be resolved, or a responsibility I need to take care of, and then lead me to the help I need to do this. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Philippians 4:18.

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Compassion and Kindness

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“Be kind and compassionate [tenderhearted] to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”1

Michael Josephson of Character Counts shared how he “once read of a man on a subway with two young children who were being loud and unruly. The man seemed to ignore their behavior, so a fed-up passenger confronted him: ‘Sir, don’t you see how your children are disturbing everyone? How can you be so thoughtless?’

“The man sobbed, ‘I’m so sorry. Their mom just died and I’ve been thinking of how we’ll live without her.’ In an instant the critic’s self-righteousness turned to self-condemnation.

“Why is it that so many of us have to be hit over the head before we turn on our caring and empathy buttons?

“The next time you have the choice between being right and being kind, choose kindness.”2

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me an understanding and compassionate heart so that I will always be kind when what is needed is understanding and kindness so that I will be ‘more and more like Jesus in every way.’ Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:32 (NIV).
2. Michael Josephson, Character Counts, “Being Right or Being Kind.” (533.5) www.charactercounts.org

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Be Responsible—Do Right

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“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”1

Today’s Daily Encounter was written by Commander Eric J. Berryman.

The USS Astoria (C-34) was the first U.S. cruiser to engage the Japanese during the Battle of Savo Island, a night action fought 8-9 August 1942. Although she scored two hits on the Imperial flagship Chokai, the Astoria was badly damaged and sank shortly after noon, 9 August.

About 0200 hours a young midwesterner, Signalman 3rd Class Elgin Staples, was swept overboard by the blast when the Astoria’s number one eight-inch gun turret exploded. Wounded in both legs by shrapnel and in semi-shock, he was kept afloat by a narrow life belt that he managed to activate with a simple trigger mechanism.

At around 0600 hours, Staples was rescued by a passing destroyer and returned to the Astoria, whose captain was attempting to save the cruiser by beaching her. The effort failed, and Staples, still wearing the same life belt, found himself back in the water. He was picked up again, this time by the USS President Jackson (AP-37), he was one of 500 survivors of the battle who were evacuated to Noumea.

On board the transport, Staples, for the first time, closely examined the life belt that had served him so well. It had been manufactured by Firestone Tire and Rubber Company of Akron, Ohio, and bore a registration number.

Given home leave Staples told his story and asked his mother, who worked for Firestone, about the purpose of the number on the belt. She replied that the company insisted on personal responsibility for the war effort, and that the number was unique and assigned to only one inspector. Staples remembered everything about the lifebelt, and quoted the number. It was his mother’s personal code and affixed to every item she was responsible for approving.2

When we always do what is right, the person we help the most in many ways is our own self and that of our loved ones.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me always to do what is right no matter what so that my life will not be lived in vain, and so that when I get to the end of life’s journey, I will hear your welcome words, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord.’ Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Corinthians 10:31 (NIV).
2. Commander Eric J. Berryman, U.S. Naval Reserve, Proceedings, U.S. Naval Institute, vol. 15/6/1036 (June 1989), P. 48; via www.SermonCentral.com. Cited on PreachingNow, March 28, 2006. http://www.preaching.com/

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