All posts by 5Q

Strike Three and You’re In

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“Then Peter came and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’”1

When I was a kid growing up I loved to play football (rugby, I might add), but was never into baseball. However, I did know what the saying “strike three and you’re out” meant. It meant if you missed hitting the third ball that was in, you were out!

Life can be like that too. If you keep missing the mark—of other’s expectations of you—pretty soon you discover that you are out—at least on the outside and no longer with the in-group. You end up feeling and believing that you are a loser.

And then you consistently set yourself up to lose because that’s what you believe you are—a loser.

The opposite is also true. If you believe that you are a winner, you will act in a winning manner. Even when you fail at something, you will use it as a lesson to improve what you do and move on to another success and thereby reinforce your belief that you are a winner.

In other words, if you believe you’re a loser, you will lose. Or if you believe you’re a winner, you will win!

However, if we feel we are a loser, little by little we can change our belief about ourselves by building on our successes—no matter how small they are—and not on our failures. Every one of us can do something well if we choose to—even if we start by doing a good job sweeping the kitchen floor and taking pride in the fact that we did a good job…and then keep repeating this practice with other chores.

Unfortunately, too many people have the belief that they are either too bad or not good enough for God to accept them and they feel that, to him, they are losers. Not so. With God you can strike out “seven times seventy” (ad infinitum) and you’re still not out—unless you allow yourself to be.

With God no matter what we have ever done or have failed to do or how many times we have failed, we never strike out with him. He loves us unconditionally. All we need to do is acknowledge the fact that Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sins, confess our sins and failures to God and ask for his forgiveness—and of course accept it with thanksgiving— and then little by little learn to forgive ourselves. That’s what you call hitting the greatest home run of all.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that I never strike out with you. Thank you, too, that you forgive all my sins and failures when I confess them to you. Help me always to remember that when I accept Jesus as my Savior, I am a child of the King and help me to truly believe this and live accordingly. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: If you have never confessed your sins/sinfulness to God and accepted his forgiveness, read, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian at: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9

1. Matthew 18:21-22 (NASB).

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Lessons from Trees

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“Whoever comes to Me [Jesus], and hears My sayings and does them…is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great.”1

Ravi Zacharias tells how when he and his family lived in “England some years ago a terrible windstorm hit much of the country. Amazingly, thousands of trees were felled in one night. Some days later we were walking outside Buckingham Palace and my wife noticed something very significant. While the trees themselves were huge and very tall, their roots were unbelievably shallow. We marveled at this seemingly inexplicable disproportion.” The reason was that the water level was close to the surface and the roots didn’t have to go deep to get their nourishment.

I have seen a similar thing happen in Southern California where many Australian gum or eucalyptus trees are grown. As this area is converted desert, all or many of these trees are watered by a drip or sprinkler system. Because the water is close to the surface, many of these trees don’t have a deep root system either and I have seen many of them fall in a wild windstorm after the ground was waterlogged.

Very different to gum trees growing up in the dry parts of Australia where they are forced to drive their roots down deep in order to survive. Their branches get broken in storms but rarely do any of the trees fall.

Furthermore, when I lived in South Australia at the top of the Adelaide hills where the winds blow furiously, I was advised to plant my trees while they were still small and not to stake them too tightly. They needed the freedom to bend and sway with the wind as this helped them develop a deep root system from their beginning in order to strengthen them when they had fully grown.

Or take the mighty redwood trees—magnificent trees that grow in Northern California and reach their leafy arms toward heaven—some of which were growing when Jesus walked on earth! Normally they receive good rains and have a sufficient water supply. These giants of the forest also have a very shallow root system but as they grow in groves, all their roots are intertwined so when the wild winds blow and the storms rage, they hang on to each other and hold each other up.

The same is true of us. In order to survive the storms of life we need to develop a deep root system that is anchored solidly in our faith in God—the one in whom we trust implicitly. And like the mighty redwoods, if we want to grow strong and healthy, we need the support of one another, for none of us can make it alone and weren’t created to do so. As God’s word also says “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together.”2

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your Word and its instructions for life. Help me to live by these principles so that I will have deep roots built on a solid foundation and can say with the hymn writer, ‘On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.’ Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 6:47-49 (NKJV).

2. Hebrews 10:25 (NKJV).

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No Condemnation

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“When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the [adulterous] woman, He said to her, ‘Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said to her, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”1

To me there is no more beautiful picture of God’s unconditional, non-judgmental, non-shame-based, yet non-condoning love than in the example where the religious people brought the woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus (as seen in today’s Scripture passage).

In those days the penalty for adultery was death by stoning—a terrifying situation for this woman to be in. But for the life of me I can’t even begin to imagine how a woman could be caught alone in the act of adultery! This was because this occasion was a setup to trap Jesus—and the “accusation stones” hidden in the accusers’ pockets were to throw at Jesus rather than at the adulterous woman!

“The Law of Moses says,” these jealous religious guilt-throwing-shame-based-hypocrites said to Jesus, “that this woman must be stoned to death. What do you say?” No matter what he answered, they believed they had him trapped and would find him guilty. If he said she should be stoned to death, they could accuse him of having no mercy. If he said she should not be stoned to death, they could accuse him of breaking the Law of Moses.

Jesus’ answer was brilliant, “Yes,” he said, “the Law of Moses says she should be stoned to death. So go head and kill her!” But before they had a chance to move a finger, Jesus added, “And let the man who has never sinned be the first one to cast a stone!”

Thud! The silence was deafening as one by one those religious bigots, like frightened, guilt-ridden puppy dogs tucked their religious tails between their legs and slinked away as quickly as they could.

Jesus then asked the woman, “Where are your accusers now?” To which she replied, “They’ve all gone, Lord” Then Jesus made a profound statement, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”

Not always of course, but some people commit adultery (and/or fornication) because they are looking for love in all the wrong places. Chances are that this woman was loved and accepted by a man (Jesus) for the first time in her life—loved for whom she was and not for what she had to offer lustful men. Jesus’ acceptance of her and his giving her total unconditional love would free her from a life of sin. This is why Jesus could say to her, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more, or go and leave your life of sin.” Notice, he did not condone her sinful behavior, but neither did he condemn her. Again, it was Jesus’ unconditional love that would set her free from her sinful behavior.

God is never about condemning us, making us feel guilty, or making us feel ashamed. It’s people who do that to us—including some religious people. God wants to forgive us and set us free from a life of sin. So we, too, need to come to Jesus and receive his unconditional, non-judgmental, and non-condoning love. It’s there for “Whosever will may come.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your unconditional love for me and that you have provided a way of escape from the consequences of my sin by giving your Son, Jesus, to die in my place to pay the just penalty for my sins. Please help me to love and accept myself and others the same way that you love and accept me. Deliver me from any sinful ways and help me to live always to glorify you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: For further help, if you have never confessed your sins/sinfulness to God and accepted his unconditional love, read, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian at: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9

1. John 8:8-11 (NKJV).

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Healing Shame That Binds

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“Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”1

Go to any supermarket where a parent is busy shopping and their child is being obnoxious or feels he or she is being ignored by the parent. Some of the put-down, shame-based criticisms these children receive make your blood curdle.

Listen to the angry tone of voice as the parent blurts out: “You bad boy! If you don’t stop your noise, I will take you outside and .…” If they are getting this kind of treatment in public, you can imagine what they are receiving at home: “You terrible girl…shame on you…you wicked, bad person .…”

When a child receives a continual dose of any shame-based accusations, he eventually believes that that is the kind of person he is and continues to feel this way throughout his adult life unless he gets the help he needs to resolve his damaged self-concept.

Another terribly shame-based group of people are those who have been physically and, especially, sexually abused in childhood or youth. Sex, to many of them, has become a dirty, repulsive thing and because they have sexual feelings, they often feel dirty and ashamed of themselves. This is such a tragedy because they never sinned but were grievously sinned against.

So how do we overcome a shame-based self-concept?

First, continually remind yourself that God loves you just as you are and that he has totally forgiven all your sins that you have confessed to him. Keep reminding yourself of this—regardless of how you feel. This kind of repetition helps re-program your faulty belief system. Many a time when I was feeling shame-based, I said over and over to myself, “God loves and accepts me as I am so I love and accept me as I am.” This kind of repetition (with feeling) programs truth (or lies) into our deeper mind and belief system.

Second, realize that we were damaged in damaging relationships and get healed in healing relationships. So, with God’s help, seek out a trusted friend (a skilled counselor if necessary) with whom you can trust your very soul. Little by little start to open up to this person and share all your shame-based feelings and all your failures. This needs to be with a non-judgmental, non-advice-giving-wanting-to-fix-you person. It needs to be someone who knows you fully and accepts you totally. Through their loving acceptance of you just as you are, little by little you learn to love and accept yourself. This does take time.

I know this can be threatening because many of us feel that if we are known for whom we truly are, we won’t be liked, let alone loved. But this is a false belief. The fact is we can only be loved to the degree that we are known. But again, it is very important that we never open up to a shame-based, judgmental person.

Third, realize, too, that love is a feeling to be learned. When we are born, we have the capacity to love, but how to love is learned. If we grow up in an angry environment, we will learn to be angry or, if in a fearful environment, we will learn to be fearful. But if we grow up in a loving environment, we will learn to be loving. We love by first being loved. Unfortunately, what we didn’t receive as a child, we need to receive now. That’s the way God created us and he doesn’t go against his own design.

As the Bible says, “We love God because he first loved us.” The same principle applies to people—we love others because someone needs to first love us.” And, as already noted, as we open up and are totally honest to a safe, non-judgmental loving person, little by little learn to love ourselves in a healthy sense. This then frees us to work on overcoming our failures. As long as we hide our sins and faults, we are never free resolve them.

Remember the words of David who sinned grievously: “Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”2

We too can find the same freedom from guilt…false-guilt…and shame.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you again that you know me exactly as I am inside and out…and love me still. Lead me to the help I need so I can learn to love and accept myself the same way and be freed from all my guilt and shame. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 32:5 (NLT).

2. Ibid.

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Overcoming False Guilt

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“To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, ‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’”1

Yesterday we explained the difference between real guilt, false guilt, and shame. Today we address the question of how we can be freed from false guilt.

Because the feelings of false guilt (and shame) have been conditioned over many years, we don’t undo or re-condition them overnight.

First, however, we need to recognize what is real guilt and godly sorrow, and what is false guilt. As Jesus pointed out, when we are his true followers we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free.

When someone is using false guilt; that is, trying to manipulate us to feel guilty if we don’t do what they want us to do, we need to recognize their game and refuse to allow them to control us—regardless of how we feel. It will take a while to master this and you will probably begin to feel angry at that person and yourself for letting yourself be controlled. However, the more you resist this kind of control, the stronger you will become and the better you will feel about yourself.

A good response to “guilt throwers” is to say kindly, “You’re not trying to make me feel guilty are you?”

Of course they will deny it, but if you stop being a “guilt catcher,” “guilt throwers” will eventually stop throwing their “guilt trip” at you—and throw it to others who don’t recognize their devious manipulation.

A good place to begin practicing saying “No” is to insensitive high-pressure sales people because you are not emotionally involved with them.

When dealing with “guilt throwers” again, the key is to recognize their ploy or tactic and simply say “no” to what they want you to do if you don’t want to do it. The more you exercise your “no-muscle” with “guilt-throwers” the stronger in character you will become and the easier it will be to say no to those who want you to do things you don’t want to do.

I love the country-western song that says to a pushy unwelcome suitor, “What part of NO don’t you understand?”

Overcoming shame is a different challenge because shame has been programmed into your self-concept. We’ll deal with this in our next Daily Encounter.

To be continued.…

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me the insight to recognize when someone is trying to lay a guilt trip on me, and give me the courage to say no to them in a kindly fashion—so that I will become stronger in character—and not a guilt-thrower myself. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. John 8:31-32 (NIV).

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Guilty or Not Guilty

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“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”1

“Why do I feel so guilty when I haven’t done anything wrong,” someone asks. Another asks, “Even when I have asked God to forgive me for things I have done wrong, why do I still feel awful?”

I think these are questions many struggle with. I certainly have in the past. The problem lies in the confusion between real guilt, false guilt, and shame.

First, let me again qualify real guilt. In the Bible and in our society guilt is a legal term. If we have disobeyed God or the law of the land, we are guilty whether we feel guilty or not. The appropriate emotional response for when we have done wrong in biblical terms is godly sorrow. This is the way we rightly feel when we have sinned and done wrong. If we don’t, we may have a dulled or dead conscience. However, at least in our Western society, we tend to think of guilt as an emotional response, so that’s the way I will address it here.

With real guilt, as we said yesterday, when we confess our sin and wherever possible put wrongs right, we should no longer feel guilty. God forgives us and we are no longer under condemnation. If we still feel guilty, chances are it is false guilt and/or shame.

True guilt says you have done bad (or badly). False guilt makes you feel bad even when you are not guilty. And shame says you are bad; that is, a bad person. The latter two are both psychologically damaging and are conditioned or learned responses.

For example, some children grow up in families where guilt is used as a means of control. That is, the message (usually non-verbal) is communicated that if you do what I want you to do; behave the way I want you to behave; conform to my wishes; and for some, if you believe what I want you to believe, I will give you my love and approval. If the child doesn’t conform, love and approval are withheld and the child is made to feel guilty. This kind of love is called conditional love, which isn’t love at all. It’s control. And tragically, false guilt is often used in religious circles to get adherents to conform to leaders’ dictatorial control—and people who don’t conform are made to feel guilty. This is false guilt.

On the other hand, if a child grows up with a condemning family and constantly gets the message, “Shame on you … you are such a bad boy (or girl),” over time this message is programmed into his unconscious mind and he comes to believe deep down that he is a bad, shameful person. So when things go wrong—even if he isn’t responsible for it—his shame-based belief about himself is triggered and he feels wretched.

So how are we freed from false guilt and shame?

To be continued.…

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that when I confess my sins to you, you forgive me and I am no longer condemned because you paid the penalty for me for all my sins. Please help me to know and feel the freedom as a result of sins forgiven. If I still feel bad, please help me to see if I am struggling with false guilt and/or shame. If so, lead me to the help I need to overcome this problem. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Romans 8:1-2 (NIV).

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Paid in Full

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“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”1

I have read how when the books of a certain Scottish doctor were examined after his death, it was found that a number of accounts were crossed through with a note: “Forgiven—too poor to pay.” But the physician’s wife later decided that these accounts must be paid in full and she proceeded to sue for money. When the case came to court, the judge asked but one question. Is this your husband’s handwriting? When she replied that it was, he responded: “There is no court in the land that can obtain a debt once the word forgiven has been written.”

One of the problems common to many—if not most—of us is that we find it very difficult to forgive someone whom we feel has hurt us deeply.

The good news is that when we confess our sins to God and ask for his forgiveness, he forgives us totally and absolutely. He does this not because he ignores the just penalty for our sins, but because in his everlasting love for us he gave his Son, Jesus, to pay that penalty for us through his death on the cross. Because Jesus paid our penalty for us, God can now write across our debt, “Forgiven—too poor to pay.” And he wipes out our debt forever!

If we have confessed our sins to God and asked for his forgiveness, we need to accept his forgiveness by faith—regardless of how we feel. However, if we still don’t feel forgiven, we need to deal with the problem of false guilt and/or shame. I have addressed this problem before but will do so again in the next Daily Encounter. In the meantime be sure to thank God regularly for his forgiveness regardless. And because God forgives all of our sins and wrongs, we need to forgive all who have wronged us. As we have said before, “Failing to forgive is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, how can I ever thank you enough for all you have done for me in giving your Son Jesus to pay the penalty for all my sins. In confessing my sins to you, I thank you for your gift of forgiveness and eternal life. Please help me to be as forgiving to others as you have been and are to me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: If you have never received God’s forgiveness, for help be sure to read, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian” at: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9

1. 1 John 1:9 (NIV).

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Fear Vs. Love

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“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”1

As we noted in Friday’s Daily Encounter some unresolved fears from the past can cripple us and hinder or even block us from becoming and doing all that God envisioned for us to be and do. While it is true that perfect love casts out fear, unresolved fear can block out love.

For example, in today’s world untold numbers of people are being terrified through abuse of one sort or another. Think of the terror of those living in war-torn places where parents are killed, children are left homeless, women are raped, and homes are destroyed. Think, too, of the children who are abused—physically, emotionally, and/or sexually in every society. Unless these fears and terrors are confronted, dealt with and resolved, a person can be greatly limited or even left emotionally handicapped in adult life by these hidden tormentors.

To be made perfect in love, it is imperative that these hidden tormentors be confronted and resolved. I wish I had a simple, easy answer for resolving these fears but I don’t. I can only talk realistically from my own experience. Because of a terrifying experience in early childhood I was left with a buried terror which caused me to unconsciously run from love much of my life.

At the risk of being repetitious, here’s how I overcame my deep seated fear. In my loneliness and despair I literally begged God to confront me with the truth and reality of what I was contributing to the situation I was in. Almost immediately I saw how codependent I was which had caused me to mistake need for love. I then came to the realization that I had been running from close relationships all of my life for fear of being hurt again. Once I saw and admitted my problem, I was able to realistically ask God to lead me to the help I needed to overcome my problem. The answer didn’t come easily but I was determined with God’s help and to do what I needed to do (get in depth therapy) to overcome my fear—otherwise I knew I would be running from love for the rest of my life.

What others do to hurt us is their problem. How we react is our problem and our responsibility to overcome it. So the first step in overcoming our fears is learning to pray the right prayer; for it is only when we admit and own our problems that we are in a position and open to receive help from God or anybody else.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to see any fear in my life that is blocking out love. Give me the courage to confront it and lead me to the help I need to overcome it so I can be made perfect or complete in love. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: For further help read, “How to Pray Effectively” at: http://tinyurl.com/kb62w

1. 1 John 4:18 (NKJV).

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Faith Vs. Fear

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“When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”1

Nelson Mandela may be a controversial figure to some but I think you will agree with what he said when quoting Marianne Williamson (I believe it was) in the following: “Playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within you. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as you let your own light shine, you unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As you are liberated from your own fear, your presence automatically liberates others.”

I don’t know whether we are ever totally liberated from fear in this life;for fear seems to be inherent in all of us to some degree. And while faith in God doesn’t guarantee freedom from fear, it does empower us to defuse fear’s control over us and free us to achieve all that God has envisioned for us to do and achieve.

Think again of the heroes of faith in the Bible—faith empowered them to do what God had called them to do. God’s Word says about them: “By faith Noah … By faith Abraham … By faith Isaac … By faith Jacob … By faith Joseph … By faith Moses … By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land … By faith the walls of Jericho fell … By faith Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets … conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.”2

True…some unresolved fears from the past can cripple us but these, too, through faith, doing our part, and God’s help can be overcome. We’ll address these in Monday’s Daily Encounter.

While only a few may be called to do great things for God, all of us are called to bring glory to God through what we do. To achieve this we need faith. And faith is a choice…it is a choice to put our trust in God (regardless of our fears) and to do what David chose to do. He prayed to God, “When I am afraid, I will trust in you … in God I trust.”

When our time on earth is done, may it also be said of you and me, “By faith _ _ _ _ _ _ _ (put your name in the blank space) walked with God and achieved….”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, today I choose to trust my life to you. Help me to know what you want me to achieve with my life and give me the faith to do it—and the faith to not allow any of my fears to control me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 56:3-4, (NIV).

2. See Hebrews 11.

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The Power of Faith

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“According to your faith be it unto you.”1 This is what Jesus said to the blind men whom he healed.

I believe it was Napoleon Hill who said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe can be achieved.” I wouldn’t necessarily accept this statement in totality, but there is a lot of truth in it. The idea of course wasn’t original with Hill by any means in that it is very much akin to what Jesus said, “According to your faith be it unto you.”

Certainly we need to be realistic and not overestimate what God will do through us, but it’s equally important not to underestimate it either. It all depends on what God has called us to do.

John Kennedy and NASA scientists not only conceived placing a man on the moon but believed it was possible and were in a position to make it happen. And they did. According to my interests, knowledge, and training it would not have been possible for me to be a part of that team. So, obviously we need to be realistic about what we conceive. However, it is amazing what God can and will do through anyone who is totally committed to him. He’s not going to call most of us to walk on the moon, but he is calling every one of us to walk worthy of him on the earth and to achieve all that we are meant to be and to do.

That’s the challenge we all need to face and accept…then add a good dose of faith in God and you and I can also be among the heroes of faith as listed in the Bible.2 These heroes were ordinary men and women who knew what they were meant to do—and by faith in and help from God they did it.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please show me how I can best serve you and exactly what you want me to do with my life—be it large or small. And give me the faith to do it. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 9:29 (KJV).

2. See Hebrews 11.

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