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Empowered by God’s Spirit, Part II

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“On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.’ By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive.”1

Yesterday we explained how every Christian can be filled with and empowered by God’s Spirit, the Holy Spirit, and thus have God’s presence and power dwelling within him or her at all times.

Today and tomorrow we want to answer the question: “How can we be filled with and thus empowered by the Holy Spirit?”

First, desire and faith. As with all of God’s gifts, so is the filling of the Holy Spirit. We need to truly want it, and we need to believe that God will give it to us as he said he would.

As noted in today’s Bible verse, “Jesus said, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.’ By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive.”2

Second, commitment. If my heart and mind are filled with anxiety, anxiety will control me. If anger, anger will control me. If fear, fear will control me. But if my heart and mind are filled with God’s Spirit, my life will be filled with his love, joy, and peace and these will control me.

And what we are filled with is what we are committed to. If we are committed to ourselves, we will be controlled by our selfish desires plus our anxieties, fears, and so on. But if we are genuinely committed to Christ and make him Lord of our everyday life, we will be controlled by his Spirit and our life will exhibit the fruit of the Spirit.

Third, confession. It should go without saying that if we have any unresolved sin in our life, we need to confess it and put it behind us. We cannot be living in sin and be controlled by God’s Spirit at the same time. The good news is that, as the Bible says, “If we confess our sins, he [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”3 When we confess our sins and make our life right with God, we are able to receive the fullness of God’s Spirit.

Fourth, openness. The real issue isn’t how much of the Holy Spirit I have, but how much of me does the Holy Spirit have? As we have said, when we receive Christ as Lord and Savior, we are given the Holy Spirit in all his fullness. The difficulty is that most of us don’t know how to open ourselves to the fullness of God’s Holy Spirit.

For instance, if I am a closed, defensive person, or have any areas of my life that are repressed—areas of my life out of which I have shut both myself and others—I automatically shut God and his Spirit out of these areas, too. Therefore, to be fully filled with God’s Spirit, I need to learn how to be fully open about my secret thoughts, feelings, motives, and my total inner person—to myself, to at least one other trusted person, and to God.

Fifth, personal honesty. The Holy Spirit is also known as the Spirit of Truth. Thus, to be filled with the Spirit of Truth, we need to be truthful with ourselves as well as with God. If we have committed our lives to Jesus and dedicated our hearts and minds to his control but still don’t have his love, joy, and peace, it isn’t because God or his Spirit has left us. It can be because of barriers in us that block the flow of God’s Spirit.

These barriers can be unresolved feelings of fear, inadequacy, guilt, hurt, anger, hatred, resentment, and so on, that we have either consciously or unconsciously hidden or repressed. In many ways these unresolved issues keep us bound within ourselves, which in turn, block out God’s Spirit. Therefore, to be filled with the Holy Spirit, I need to ask God if there are any areas of my life that are causing barriers between me and him. If so, I need to be courageously honest about these, and with God’s help, and the help of a qualified counselor if necessary, confront and resolve these.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, I want to be filled with and empowered by your Holy Spirit. To the best of my ability I surrender the control of my life to you. If there are any unresolved issues in my life that are hindering or blocking my being filled with your Spirit, please reveal these to me, and lead me to the help I need to resolve them so I can be fully filled with your Holy Spirit. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

To be concluded in Part III.

1. John 7:37-39 (NIV).
2. John 7:37-39 NIV).
3. 1 John 1:9 (NIV).

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Empowered by God’s Spirit, Part I

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“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.”1

Some time ago a lovely Broadway actress wondered how one person could possibly fill Madison Square Gardens with 20,000 people every night for four months? Impossible, she thought. And the only reason she attended Billy Graham’s New York Crusade was to find out how he did it.

This actress had a longstanding illness that she described as “a terrible cavity somewhere in the abdominal region.” Fearing she had some dreaded disease, she had been examined by several doctors and had insisted on exploratory surgery. Not one doctor could find anything physically wrong with her. But that night as she sat listening to Billy Graham and trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, without warning, she was gripped with this dreaded emptiness more severely than ever.

Suddenly, she realized that its cause wasn’t physical at all. It was spiritual. So she responded to the invitation to receive Jesus Christ into her heart as personal Lord and Savior—and her overwhelming emptiness vanished, never to return.

Not all emptiness has a spiritual cause by any means, but much of the emptiness that plagues modern society does. Or it may be a combination of causes, including the spiritual.

People are not only physical and emotional beings with a need for food and friends, but they are also spiritual beings with a need for God.

Without Christ in our lives we are spiritually dead, but when we receive him as our personal Lord and Savior, we become spiritually alive2 and are immediately indwelt by God’s Spirit (the Holy Spirit), and become a part of the body of Christ and the family of God. As the Apostle Paul said, “For we were all baptized (immersed) by one Spirit [God's Spirit] into one body … and are all given the one Spirit.”3

Every true Christian, therefore, has God’s Spirit dwelling within him or her. But God doesn’t only want us to be merely indwelt by, but also to be filled with his Spirit. His injunction is to “go on being filled with the Spirit”4 which is not a once-for-all experience, but needs to be a continuous, daily experience.

When we are filled with God’s Spirit, he fills the spiritual vacuum in our life and empowers us to help us overcome temptation and sin,5 and to produce in us the fruit of the Spirit, which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.6 The Holy Spirit also helps us to become effective witnesses for Jesus Christ.7

How then can we be filled with and empowered by God’s Holy Spirit? We will answer this question in Parts II and III in Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s Daily Encounters.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, I was indwelt by your Holy Spirit. But I don’t want to be a half-hearted Christian and only be indwelt by your Spirit. Help me to understand and learn how to be daily filled with your Spirit so that your light will shine through me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

To be continued.

1. Ephesians 5:15-18 (NIV).
2. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV).
3. I Corinthians 12:13 (NIV),
4. Ephesians 5:18 (literal translation, NIV).
5. Romans 8:12 (NIV).
6. Galatians 5:22, 23 (NIV).
7. Acts 1:8 (NIV).

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Follow Your Dream

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Jesus said, “According to your faith let it be to you.”1

Walt Disney—certainly a creator and fulfiller of dreams—said, “Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret—curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.”

Living in Southern California I still like going to Disneyland and appreciate it more today than ever, knowing that Disney went broke six times (I believe it was) and had a nervous breakdown before becoming successful. Walt succeeded because he was a man with a dream of what could be and the determination to make it happen.

As George Bernard Shaw said, “There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?”

And as Edward Everett Hale said, “I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”

For the Christian, while none of us may be gifted to be a Walt Disney, a Robert Kennedy, or a Martin Luther King, God has gifted and has a purpose for every one of his followers. Each of us needs to discover what that purpose is, turn it into a dream and, with God’s help, work to fulfill it. In so doing we, too, will make an impact on at least one other life, and for many of us, an impact on many lives. And then, when we come to the end of life’s journey, we will hear God’s welcoming words, “Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.”2

When our dream is a God-given one, we don’t have to dream the impossible dream. For with God all things are possible. Not that fulfilling the dream will come easily. In all probability it will be a life challenging task. But think of the ancient Israelites to whom God gave the Promised Land. God didn’t hand it to them on a silver platter. Only where they planted the soles of their feet did it become theirs—and they had to battle for every inch of the way. However, had not God given it to them, it would have been an impossible dream–and even today it would be impossible for them to survive without God’s protection. Let’s each claim God’s dream he has for us.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please reveal to me my God-given life purpose. Help me to make it a dream that, with your help, I will never stop pursuing until my life’s work on earth is done and I stand before you on that grand and glorious day when I meet you face to face. May I so live and work that I will hear your welcoming words, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord.’ Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Mathew 9:29 (NKJV).
2. Matthew 25:21 (NKJV).

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Guilt-Throwers Vs. Guilt-Catchers

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“Instead, we will lovingly follow the truth at all times—speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly—and so become more and more in every way like Christ.”1

Another Daily Encounter reader asks, “I’m in my fifties and my mother is still controlling me with guilt. What can I do to stop her?”

Strange as it may seem but this woman is not alone in her situation by any means. Some parents want to control even their adult children until the day they die.

My answer to the woman was, “You can’t stop your mother from being a guilt-thrower, but you can stop being a guilt-catcher.”

Guilt-throwing and guilt-catching are two sides of the same coin. Guilt-throwers only throw guilt to guilt-catchers … both are involved in “this dance of guilt” (false guilt, that is). You can’t have one without the other. Both are equally in need of help. The fact is that nobody can make me feel guilty or anything else without my cooperation and permission.

What the guilt-thrower does is his problem. How I respond is always my responsibility. That is, if I am a guilt-catcher, that’s my problem and my responsibility to overcome. And while I can’t stop or change the guilt-thrower, I can change myself and stop catching the guilt that others throw in my direction.

To change myself I need to acknowledge my part and admit that I, too, have a problem. I’m a guilt-catcher because I probably learned it in childhood, and am afraid to say no for fear I won’t be liked, or because I’m afraid of conflict. But underneath, when I allow myself to be controlled by guilt or anything else, I feel frustrated and angry!

Two things we need to do to stop being a guilt-catcher. One is long-term. The other is short-term. Regarding the long-term, I need to keep working on my own growth so that I develop a healthy self-concept so it doesn’t bother me to say no to someone regardless of whether they like me or not. For immediate results, one of the most helpful things to do is to recognize immediately when someone is trying to lay a guilt trip on you and say kindly but firmly to them, “You’re not trying to make me feel guilty are you?”

Of course they will deny it, but if you keep responding in this manner, it won’t take long before they will stop throwing guilt your way and look for someone else who will catch it.

If you happen to be a guilt-thrower, the same principles for recovery apply. You need to get into a growth program so you can develop a healthy self-concept so you don’t need to be in control of every situation in order to feel okay about yourself. Recognize what you are doing and see how harmful this is to yourself and to others and, with God’s help, little by little stop doing it.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, whether I am a guilt-thrower or a guilt-catcher, please help me to see myself as you do, confront me with my character issues, and lead me to the help I need to overcome, so I will ‘lovingly follow the truth at all times—speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly—and so become more and more in every way like Christ.’ Gratefully, in his name. Amen.”

1. Ephesians 4:15 (TLB)(NIV).

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Controlling Parents

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“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”1

A Daily Encounter reader writes to say how his wife seems to listen more to her mother than she does to him. He is frustrated and wants to know what he can do.

Actually it is amazing how many adult children are still being controlled by domineering parents. As long as they allow themselves to be under the control of anyone else—be it a parent, a domineering spouse, or even their children—they have a problem. It is a mark of their immaturity.

I recall having a policeman in one of my seminars who said that the children who were in trouble with the law in his town very often had parents who were afraid of them; that is, the children, and were allowing their children to control them.

People who seek to control others do so because of their immaturity and insecurity. They only feel safe when they are in control. This, of course, gives them a false sense of security as it is a defense mechanism against facing and dealing with their insecurities.

On the other hand, adults who allow others to control them also do so because of their immaturity and insecurity. They are afraid to stand up for themselves and take control of and responsibility for their own life. As adults we are to be our own person—under our own control and direction–not to be independent in relationships, but interdependent.

Furthermore, when adults allow themselves to be controlled by others, they cannot be under God’s control or direction. And when people (including some legalistic pastors) seek to control others, they are playing the role of God in other people’s lives.

As for married couples who allow themselves to be controlled by either of their parents, they are setting themselves up for major marital conflicts. As the Bible teaches, when we marry, we are to leave our parents and depend on each other. That is, we are to cut the emotional umbilical cord that can keep us tied to and controlled by a domineering parent. If our parents don’t cut the cord and let go, we need to cut it ourselves.

The same principle applies to single adults who have a control freak parent whom they are still allowing to control them.

Sure, it isn’t easy to cut the emotional umbilical cord that’s been connecting us since we were in the womb. Try to cut it and the control freak will get mad and try to put us on a guilt trip—but that’s his/her problem and we are not responsible for his/her reaction. Cutting the cord starts by saying, “no,” then “No,” and then “NO” if called for.

You can practice saying “no” to high-pressure sales people such as some telemarketers. You don’t have to give a reason why you are saying “no.” In other words, start by saying “no” in the easiest places first. The more you do, the stronger and more confident you will become. It may take a while for you timid ones, but you can learn to do it too. Or take a course in assertiveness training. It will be worth its weight in gold.

Remember, we are only controlled by others when we allow it. Furthermore, and most important of all, if we want our life to be under God’s control and direction, we need to take ourselves out from under the control of anyone else—be it a parent, a child, or even a spouse. Marital partners are to be co-equal with each other with neither one controlling the other.

Tomorrow we will discuss how to handle guilt-throwers who use guilt to control even their adult children.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from allowing myself to be controlled by others and from ever controlling others. I willingly commit the control of my life to your Holy Spirit. And please help me to give others the same freedom. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Genesis 2:24 (NIV).

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To Tithe or Not to Tithe

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“But how terrible it will be for you Pharisees! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest part of your income, but you completely forget about justice and the love of God. You should tithe, yes, but you should not leave undone the more important things.”1

A Daily Encounter reader shares how he is deeply in debt and asks should he stop tithing (giving one-tenth of his income) until he pays off his debt. Others claim that tithing was an Old Testament ruling and therefore isn’t applicable for today.

Wrong.

First, I don’t believe we can ever out-give God. His Word reminds us of Jesus’ promise in Luke 6:37 to “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Second, tithing certainly was an Old Testament rule and was the way ordained of God to support his work on earth. “Thou shall not steal or bear false witness,” were also Old Testament laws. Are they invalid today? Of course not. Neither is tithing. This is still the God-ordained way to finance his work on earth. As seen in today’s scripture, Jesus confirmed to the self-righteous Pharisees that tithing was still important.

Let’s face it, if every Christian tithed—including the giving of the widow’s mite—there would be adequate funds to accomplish God’s work on earth. The tragedy is that even right here in the United States, one of the richest countries on earth, and one of the most blessed of all nations, tithing is all but neglected by so many Christians. I find this extremely hard to understand. We, who have been so abundantly blessed and given so much, on the whole give so little.

A few short years ago research specialist, George Barna reported in an edition of his bi-weekly e-mail, The Barna Update, the following alarming statistics:

“Church revenues are down in the past 12 months. One reason may well be the decline in the proportion of people who tithe. Based on our latest research, here are some of the highlights from this week’s report.

“The proportion of Christian adults who tithe has dropped by 62% in the past year.

“Just 6% of born again households tithed to their church in 2002.

“Tithing, when it occurs, is generally among Protestants: 5% of adults who attend Protestant churches tithed last year, compared to less than one-tenth of 1% among Catholics.

“Among the groups most likely to tithe are people over 55, college graduates, evangelicals, Republicans, conservatives, and residents of the South—but there was no segment among which at least 10% tithed.”2

Is it any wonder that so many Christian missions and ministries are struggling to survive and have their hands tied because of insufficient funds—and why so many people are left homeless, cold, starving and dying of malnutrition, and suffering without help? And why so many around the world still have never heard the gospel?

Sadly, in too many of our churches 95% of our income is spent on ourselves and only 5% on missions. So while tithing is extremely important so is responsible tithing and the giving of offerings. I suggest that we designate where and how we want our tithes and offerings to be used. This is not saying to neglect our local church’s ministry but also not to neglect the ministering to the needs of others across the street and around the world. And do not neglect to support para-church ministries (which are also a vital part of the Church Universal) who are doing the work of the Church in the outside world. And do not neglect to support those who are reaching people with the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.

We say we cannot afford to tithe. If this is true, why would God have ordained to fund his work on earth through the tithes and offerings of his people? The fact is we cannot afford not to tithe. As God’s Word to the ancient Israelites said (and its principles are still applicable today to all of God’s people): “Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask, ‘How do we rob you?’ In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. ‘Test me in this,’ says the LORD Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.”3

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, in light of all the incredible blessings you have given to me—the greatest of which being your gift of salvation, the forgiveness of sins, and life eternal—forgive me for where I have robbed you in tithes and offerings. And, as of today I commit to giving offerings for your work plus a tithe of my time, my talents, and my income. Thank you for the wonderful privilege of giving to you for your work here on earth. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 11:42 (NLT).
2. The Barna Update: 5/19/03. A bi-weekly e-mail from George Barna http://www.barna.org/.
3. Malachi 3:8-10 (NIV).

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Trusting God Is a Choice

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“In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”1 and “Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”2

“Dear Dick Innes,” writes a Daily Encounter reader. “I don’t know whether it is my faith or if it is because of failed college exams. Please help me to get my faith back. I have passed several of my exams but failed others. I know I have disappointed God and fear his disapproval. My faith has deteriorated drastically.”

Dear Sylvia (name changed), “When we fail examinations or any other kind of test, we don’t disappoint God and he doesn’t love us any the less. Certainly God feels for us when we fail because he cares deeply for us. However, his love for us is totally unconditional. He doesn’t love us on the basis of what we have done or haven’t done. He loves us just because we are a part of his divine creation.

“Parents who love their children on the basis of how well they do in school or on the basis of their achievements in other areas are setting up their children to become neurotic perfectionists, compulsive performers, or dismal failures. You can be assured that God, our Heavenly Father, never ever treats us this way.

“It sounds to me like you have disappointed yourself. Chances are that when you were a child you probably felt that you could never please your earthly father (and/or mother). Always remember that God, your Heavenly Father, is not the same as your earthly father (or mother) or anyone else you couldn’t please.

“Regarding your relationship to God, the important thing to do is to choose to daily trust and commit your life and way to him every day for the rest of your life. That’s what I do and that’s what King David did when he was afraid.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that you love me even when I fail and that your love for me is not based on my performance. Please help me to always do my best and be satisfied with that. Help me also to experience your love in my heart at all times—good or bad. With your help I choose daily to commit and trust my life and way to you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 56:11 (NIV).
2. 1 Peter 5:7 (NASB).

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Things That Bug Me

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“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically.”1

Besides the dreadful crimes of rape, robbery, abuse, murders, etc., that are constant fare on the daily news, there are several other things that I find very distressing. One of which is the way so many people throw their trash out of their car window; or leave it in public places, in the street, on the beach, in national parks, and so on.

Most times when I hiked in the mountains near where I used to live, I would find scattered empty beer cans and bottles, soft-drink cups, and all sorts of garbage thrown on the ground by self-centered, thoughtless and ungrateful people.

I say ungrateful because these people have no appreciation of the marvels and wonders of God’s creation and the sacrificial cost and efforts of hard working, responsible people who have labored to build incredible highways, to keep our country beautiful, and to provide so many wonderful places for us to visit. The more I watch the news and see the terrible conditions in which millions of people are living in so many countries, the more grateful and appreciative I am of the incredible blessings and provisions we have living in the free world.

I am also disturbed by the numerous shoppers who are too lazy and thoughtless to return their shopping cart to the store or in one of the designated places for shopping carts, but just leave it blocking a parking spot and for a store assistant to pick up. This forces stores to increase their prices causing you and me to pay for thoughtless people’s inconsiderateness.

And how tragic it is that instead of promoting the good, the worthy, and the noble, so much of the news media “promotes” irresponsibility, crime, evil and the negative because that’s what sells!

However, as Christians we are to strive to be Christ-like in everything we do—including cleaning up our own messes and acting as thoughtful, responsible citizens. The most effective way I know how to keep our places of living clean and beautiful is by example. The laws of the land will not change people’s nature. Only God can do that. However, as Christians may we so live that people seeing Christ in us in everything we do will want Christ and what they see in us for themselves.

And let us encourage our capable young people to enter politics and places of influence so that they can help make a difference.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please open my eyes so I can see, not only the innumerable blessings that come from you, but also the incredible blessings I have living where I live. Please give me a grateful heart so that I will never take these blessings for granted. And, no matter where I live, please help me to be responsible and Christ-like in all that I do, and use me to help make my world a better place in which to live. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Romans 12:10-11 (NLT).

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Enrich Your Family Life, Part III

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“Don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil.”1

As noted yesterday, wherever people live together some conflict is inevitable. Keep in mind, however, that many reactions to conflict are overreactions caused by unresolved conflicts from the past. For instance, if you had a “nagging” parent and your partner even appears to be “nagging,” chances are your old feelings will be triggered and you will overreact.

When we overreact, the overreaction is always our problem. We need to accept responsibility for that and not blame others. Otherwise, conflicts will remain unresolved.

To admit that one is overreacting is being mature. To blindly act out those feelings is immature. Instead, when anxious emotions are triggered, don’t deny these feelings but say to yourself, “How would I act in this situation if I weren’t feeling so upset?” Then try to act accordingly and then verbalize your feelings without blaming the other person for them.

If overreaction is a pattern of your behavior, do not hesitate to seek help from a competent pastor or counselor. To admit need for help is also a sign of maturity.

Forgiveness is another essential quality in healthy relationships

“Many marriages are gradually eroded and eventually destroyed because one person is unable to forgive,” says Norman Wright. “A person who continually brings up something his spouse did or said in the past continues to punish the other person and erects a wall of coldness.”2

As God forgives us when we confess our wrongs, we also need to forgive each other.3

Clear communications, doing things together, handling conflicts creatively, and forgiving each other are all vital for family harmony. However, the most important need is to put God at the center of your home. He can make a much better job of it than you can if you will daily commit your life to him and follow his divine order for the home.

Research has shown that families who are deeply committed to their Christian faith have a much better chance of having a happy marriage and home. A good way to start is by going to church this week as a family.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, whenever I have a conflict with any friend or family member, please help me to communicate effectively without overreacting or playing the blame game. And where I’ve been hurt, please help me to deal with my feelings in a creative way and forgive the one who hurt me as you have so freely forgiven me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

NOTE: This series on the family is adapted from the online article, “Enrich Your Family Life” by Dick Innes at. http://tinyurl.com/enrich-family-life.

1. Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT).
2. Family Life Today, January 1980.
3. See Colossians 3:13.

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Enrich Your Family Life, Part II

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“Don’t just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection.”1

Avoid inflammatory words

To enrich your family life, it is also important to avoid inflammatory words such as, “You never” or “You always.” Such statements are rarely true. Put-downs also need to be avoided. They are thinly veiled expressions of hostility. It is much kinder to admit when you are feeling hurt or angry.

In his book, An Answer to Family Communications, H. Norman Wright tells of a study that compared happily married couples with unhappily married ones. The study showed that the happily married couples:

1. Talked more to each other
2. Conveyed the feeling that they understood what
was being said to them
3. Had a wider range of subjects available to them
to talk about
4. Preserved the communication channels and kept
them open no matter what happened
5. Showed more sensitivity to each other’s feelings
6. And made more use of nonverbal techniques
of communication.

Spending more time together is equally important for strengthening family relationships. When couples are too busy for this, they are too busy.

Families need to consider whether a father or mother should refuse a promotion if it means less time at home or if parents should limit participation in activities to allow for family togetherness.

Conflicts also need to be faced and handled creatively.

“When a married couple says they’ve never had a disagreement, they are lying, have poor memory, or one partner has been made a zero in the relationship,” says Clark Hensley, director of the Mississippi Christian Action Commission.

Wherever people live together some conflict is inevitable. Differences and frustrations (including money management and sexual problems) need to be talked about and resolved. If they aren’t, they will eventually be acted out through depression, ill health, or broken relationships.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to understand what it takes to develop loving family relationships. And help me to practice and live what I learn. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

To be continued…

1. Romans 12:9-10 (NLT).

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