A man was recently complaining to me about how most men rejected him. In his mind he was convinced that it was entirely their problem. As kindly as I could I tried to get him to see that fundamentally “what we project is what we get back.”

If one or two people reject me that’s par for the course. Not everybody is going to like me. Expecting them to do so is unrealistic.

However, if many people reject me, then I can be reasonably sure that the reason probably lies within me. In reality, “We tend to treat ourselves the way we were treated and then others treat us the way we treat ourselves.” If, for example, I felt rejected as a child, I will tend to continue acting as if I am still being rejected, and imagine in my mind that others are still rejecting me also. While this is understandable it’s self-deception.

Furthermore, as long as we blame others for the reactions we have, we can never overcome our problems. It’s far too easy to want others to change. The reality is that the only person I can ever change is me. And when I change, people’s reaction to me will also change—because what I consistently project I will consistently get back! That’s pretty much a law of life. What we sow is what we reap.

The road to recovery begins with facing the truth and reality of what we are contributing to the problems we have. Only then can we help ourselves and only then can God help us. Denial of reality is the way to self-destruction. As Jesus pointed out, only the truth can set us free.²

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me the courage to see anything in me that causes people to react negatively to me in any way. And lead me to the help I need to overcome my problem/s. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Galatians 6:7 (NIV).

2. John 8:32.