Monthly Archives: May 2012

More About Denial

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“Be done with dishonesty … deception … and fraud. Long to grow up into the fullness of your salvation.”1

I once asked a group what they thought a Christian’s number one sin or problem was. As quick as a flash one humorist replied, “Apathy, but who cares?” While he was joking, he may have been correct, but my belief is that another of our biggest problems is the sin of denial!

No matter what our problem is, as long as we keep our head in the sand and don’t admit there’s a problem, or refuse to face reality, there is no resolution. As one ostrich said to the other, both with their heads in the sand, “Is it safe to come out yet?”

One of my greatest strengths is to admit my failures and weaknesses. That takes honesty and courage, but it doesn’t take courage to deny them. Denial is more a sign of fear and weakness.

Without access to the truth there is no healing, there is no overcoming our difficulties and problems, and there is no freedom. We put ourselves outside of God’s “boundaries” to help us.

Jesus said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”2 So as long as there is any area of my life where I haven’t found freedom, then, to that degree, there is some truth about myself that I am not seeing or facing or am in denial about. Denial is deadly. It prevents us becoming all that God wants us to be. It is also the root cause of endless physical sicknesses, relational conflicts, spiritual dryness, and emotional problems including anxiety, worry, false guilt, hostility, depression and so on.

Furthermore, as today’s Scripture points out, getting real is a part of growing up into the fullness of our salvation and/or Christian maturity.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be totally open and honest with myself, with you, and with at least one safe and trusted friend to whom I can confess all my fears, failures, sins and weaknesses without any fear of being judged, criticized or put down. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Peter 2:1-2 (TLB)(NLT).

2. John 8:32.

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Beware of Bible-Babble

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“Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.”1

Certainly I believe that God does lead, direct, and communicate with us today. However, unless the word received is directly from the Bible or in direct harmony with biblical principles, it needs to be rejected. Remember that God never goes against his own Word—ever.

If we use “God-talk-bible-babble” as a means of getting our own way—God-talk such as: “The Lord told me it is to be such and such a way,” or “God told me you are to be my wife/husband,” etc., etc.; or when we quote a Bible passage out of context (which is really a pretext), or when we blame God for our problems or for things that go wrong when it is entirely our own fault, or quote the Bible as a means of avoiding our own or another’s reality, it is meaningless bible-babble. Which, of course, is a part of religiosity!

Bible-babble may sound impressive if we don’t know what God’s Word teaches. More often than not it is a defense against facing our fears and insecurities and as a means of avoiding personal responsibility. It is often a form of denial, which is always a self-deceptive and dangerous path to follow. If there is one thing I believe God wants us to be, it is to be real, to be honest, and to stop using bible-babble. God always desires truth.2

One of the major problems with denial is that when we are in it, we deny that we are.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of denial and using bible-babble and God-talk when I am using it as a means of avoiding reality. Help me to be real always in all ways and at all times. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 John 4:1 (NIV).

2. See Psalm 51:6.

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Does God Care?

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“Not one sparrow … can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t worry! You are more valuable to him than many sparrows.”1

You may have read about some city workers in Hamilton, Canada, who were trimming trees along a certain street. In one tree they found a nest with several baby robins in it. They decided not to trim this tree until the nest was empty.

When it was abandoned, the workers returned. In the nest they found a piece of paper, along with dried twigs, the robins had used to build the nest for their babies. On the paper were printed the words, “We trust in the Lord our God!”

In life when things get rough as they sometimes do, it pays to remember how Jesus said that God was aware of every sparrow that fell to the ground and that we were of much more value than many sparrows. This was to let us know that God cares when we are hurting. As the hymn writer expressed it:

Does Jesus care when my heart is pained

Too deeply for mirth and song;

As the burdens press, and the cares distress,

And the way grows weary and long?

O Yes, He cares; I know he cares,

His heart is touched with my grief;

When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,

I know my Savior cares.2

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, in my times of sadness and distress help me not only to know that you care, but also to feel your loving care in the very depths of my being. And please give me loving friends who will support me through these times—not to preach at me or give me advice, but just to be there—and be as Jesus to me. And help me to do the same for others who are going through tough times. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Jesus in Matthew 10:29-31 (TLB)(NLT).

2. Frank E. Graeff

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All I Need to Know

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“Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.”1

You are probably familiar with the article by Robert Fulghum titled, “All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” It’s a classic and contains priceless advice.

“Most of what I really need to know about life, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but here in the sandbox at nursery school.

“These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush! Live a balanced life. Learn and think, draw and paint, sing and dance, play and work a little every day.

“When you get out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder.

“Remember the little seed in the plastic cup. The roots go down and the plant goes up, and nobody really knows why, but we are all like that.

“Goldfish, hamsters, white mice, and even the little seed in the plastic cup—they all die. So do we.

“And then remember the book about Dick and Jane, and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule, love and basic sanitation, ecology, politics and sane living.

“Think of what a better world it would be if all of us—the whole world—had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon, and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation, and other nations, always to put things back where we found them, and cleaned up our own messes.

“And it’s still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it’s best to hold hands and stick together.”

Personally speaking, I had a dear friend whom I met very early in life. We went through grade school and technical college together. We’d been through national service together, too, and even though we’d lived thousands of miles apart, we never lost contact with each other. Not so long ago my friend fell on hard times, became discouraged, withdrew into himself and took his life. A tragic waste. I wish he had reached out to me in his hour of despair. How sad it is when, in our hour of need, as adults, we forget to hold hands and reach out for the help and support we need—so we can, as Jesus taught, “bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be a loving and kind burden-bearer, and above all to be Christ-like in all that I say and do for others. And when I need help, give me the courage to reach out and admit that I have a problem and need help. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Galatians 6:2.

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Going Around in Circles

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”1

I remember reading the following story in Reader’s Digest about an independent trucker who was having difficulty finding his delivery location. “Take exit 20, turn right, and then take the second left,” were the instructions he was given.

He took the correct exit, turned right, then took the second left and ended up back on the highway.

He tried again. The same thing happened.

He called the company, who gave him some adjusted directions. His next two attempts put him back on the highway going the opposite direction.

However, he recalled having seen a police car parked not far from the exit. So on his fifth attempt, he parked his rig, walked over to the police car and asked the officer for help.

“Don’t worry,” said the officer, “just wait a while. Your trucks have been coming by all morning. All you need to do is follow the next one that gets off the highway.”

Do you ever feel like you are also going around in circles getting nowhere fast? I’ve certainly been there. I often kid that I wish God would have an e-mail address so when I’m confused or have difficulty “finding my way,” I could get God’s leading and direction a whole lot easier and faster.

Being a little more realistic, however, we know that God doesn’t make our decisions for us. If he did, he would be acting as a codependent. In so doing he would stop us from becoming responsible and growing up. However, when we trust our life and ways to God and seek his guidance, he has promised to give us wisdom and direction to help us make the right choices and find the right way.

Sometimes it takes a while to get God’s directions—but while we’re waiting there’s always something for us to learn.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, sometimes I’m confused and feel like I am going around in circles getting nowhere. Please help me to always seek your guidance and direction. In so doing I choose to trust you to lead me in the way I need to go. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV).

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Resolving Impaired Relationships

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“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”1

Psychologists tell us that half the adult population is still harboring unresolved negative feelings towards their parents. They also warn us that until these relationships with our family of origin are resolved (and with any other significant person), we can never fully cultivate any other loving and healthy relationship. Unresolved conflicts from the past contaminate every relationship we have in the present. They can and do also seriously affect our physical and spiritual well-being.

Sometimes reconciliation isn’t possible because that is dependent on both parties. However, it is imperative that we take care of our side of any conflict and resolve any feelings of hurt and anger we might have so we can genuinely forgive any and all who have hurt us. To fail to forgive keeps us bound by the past. And as noted before, “Failing to forgive is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

It’s not without good reason that Jesus taught us the need to forgive even our enemies even to seventy-times-seven (meaning endlessly). He also said that if you come to God and there remember you have an impaired relationship with a brother or sister, leave your gift for God for the time being and do everything in your power to resolve that relationship.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please confront me with the reality of any significant impaired relationship that I have—and give me the courage to do what I need to do to resolve my part in this conflict. And help me to forgive any and all who have ever hurt me so that I am freed to fully live and fully love—and to experience the depth of your forgiveness. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV).

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The Thief Who Was Robbed

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“Be sure your sin will find you out.”1

Zig Zigler, well-known motivational speaker, tells the story about a thief who was robbed. The incident took place back in 1887 in a small neighborhood grocery store when a middle-aged gentleman, Emanuel Nenger, gave the assistant a $20 note to pay for the turnip greens he was purchasing. When the assistant placed the note in the cash drawer she noticed that some of the ink from the $20 came off on her hands, which were wet from wrapping the turnip greens.

She’d known Mr. Nenger for years and was shocked. She pondered, “Is this man giving me a counterfeit $20 note?” She dismissed the thought immediately and gave him his change. But $20 was a lot of money in those days so she notified the police who, after procuring a search warrant, went to Emanuel Nenger’s home where they found in his attic the tools he was using to reproduce the counterfeit $20 notes. They found an artist’s easel, paint brushes, and paints which Nenger was using to meticulously paint the counterfeit money. He was a master artist.

The police also found three portraits that Nenger had painted—paintings that sold at public auction for a little over $16,000! The irony was that it took him almost as much time to paint a $20 note as it did to paint those portraits that sold for more than $5,000 each.

The man who robbed Emanuel Nenger was Emmanuel Nenger. We do the same whenever we cheat or break the law—including God’s laws—for illegitimate gain. And while most of us wouldn’t rob another person of his or her material possessions, it is very easy to rob a person’s reputation through idle gossip.

We also rob and cheat ourselves when we don’t give our tithes2 to God for his work, and to others in need—whether it is of our time, talents, money, other resources, or love.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, help me never to rob myself, or steal from any person in any way. And especially help me never to rob from you. Help me, too, to be a giver and not a taker. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Numbers 32:23.

2. See Malachi 3:8-10.

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“Your Time Is Limited. . .”

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In October of last year the passing of Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computers, was a shocker even though it was well known that he had battled cancer for some time. The shocker was that he was only 56.

Steve, a genius with computer technology—from the personal computer to the iPod and iPhone—had a profound impact pretty much on the entire world with his incredible computer-related inventions. He will be known among the greatest of inventors. Interesting that in 1993 he said, “Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me.… Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful—that’s what matters to me.”1

That’s certainly a worthwhile goal, but what if Steve died without knowing Christ as his Savior? All his remarkable achievements in this life would amount to nothing—even though his inventions have helped spread the Christian gospel around the world. As Jesus warned us all when he said, “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?”2

I heard Steve say in a TV interview that sometimes he believed in God and sometimes he didn’t, but only he and God know where he is now. I surely hope he is in heaven. One word of wisdom Jobs shared when he made it known that he had cancer was this: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

How true this is. Time is limited. Life is short—and we only have one shot at it. If, per chance, your time was up today, would you be prepared for life beyond the grave—to meet God?3 If not, I urge you to make that preparation right now. For help, read the article, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian” at: http://tinyurl.com/real-christian.

Same principle applies to Christians: “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.”4 As Christians we won’t be judged for our sins because God has forgiven us for all of these because Jesus Christ, God’s Son, paid the penalty for us by dying in our place on the cross. What it does mean is that we will have to give an account of our life to Jesus Christ regarding how we lived for and served God since we became a Christian.

When I stand before the judgment seat of Christ, I trust and pray that I will hear his welcoming words say, “Well done, good and faithful servant. … Enter into the joy of your lord.”5 I encourage you, too, to make sure that you are living in harmony with God’s will and faithfully serving him so you won’t be embarrassed and disappointed when you stand before the judgment seat of Christ.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your assurance of life after death, and that you are preparing a home in Heaven for all who trust you as their Lord and Savior. Thank you, too, for your promise of a rich reward to all who believe in you and have served you faithfully. Please help me to be certain that my name is written in your book of life so I will not be left behind when Jesus returns. And please help me to serve you faithfully in the here-and-now so that I will not be embarrassed when I stand before Jesus to give an account of my life and service to you. So help me God. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Special NOTE: Should you die today and are not absolutely sure that you would go to Heaven, but would like to be sure, you can be by accepting Jesus as your Savior and in so doing receive God’s forgiveness. You can make and record that decision today by going online to http://tinyurl.com/gods-invitation. Or, again, for further help read the article, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian,” at http://tinyurl.com/real-christian.

Also, if you have already accepted Jesus as your Savior and would like to re-commit and re-dedicate your life to God and promise with His help to serve him more faithfully, and thereby not be embarrassed when you stand before Jesus at the judgment seat of Christ, I encourage you to make that commitment today. You can do this by going online to the same link at: http://tinyurl.com/gods-invitation

1. CNNMoney/Fortune, May 25, 1993.

2. Mark 8:36 (NKJV).

3. Amos 4:12 (NIV). God’s message to ancient Israel also applies to you and me.

4. 2 Corinthians 5:10 (NASB).

5. Matthew 25:23 (NKJV).

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Is Psychology of the Devil?

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“Behold, You [God] desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.”1

In a seminar I was leading on relationships a young man was sharing the problems he was having with interpersonal relationships. After listening to all he had to say, I simply asked, “Please tell me about your father.”

His reaction was rather dramatic. He stood directly to his feet and in no uncertain terms angrily replied, “That question is psychology and psychology is of the devil. I refuse to answer you.” As he picked up his belongings and stormed out of the room, I said “You just did” (meaning that he just answered me via his actions.)

My question regarding his father obviously triggered a deep issue that he was either afraid to face or refused to deal with. This was obvious by his strong overreaction.

No matter what anyone does or says to me—that may or may not be a problem—to the degree that I overreact, that is always my problem. Always!

Part of what this young man said is true in that that some psychology is bad, but there is good psychology too. This also relates to theology—some is bad and some is good. This could apply to every field. Simply put, while theology is the study and understanding of God, psychology is the study and understanding of people. And if we, as Christians, don’t understand people, we can do more harm than good when it comes to trying to help them resolve personal issues. The fact is that Jesus, being the Master Psychologist par Excellence, always understood people2 and understanding them, always knew what was needed to meet their need. Furthermore, only to the degree that you and I understand ourselves are we able of know and understand anyone else.

Remember, God desires truth in our innermost being. This means being honest with ourselves, with at least one other trusted friend or counselor, and honest with God. This includes being honest with our innermost feelings, our motives, and bringing all of our supercharged repressed negative emotions into the light so that they can be confronted, dealt with, and resolved (it’s the latter of these that cause us to overreact). Whether we call this personal psychology or simply self-understanding doesn’t matter—neither is ever of the devil. If anything is of the devil, it would be living in denial and self-deception, as the devil is the father of lies.3

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of denial and projecting onto others the outcome of my unresolved personal issues by overreacting to what others do or say to me. Please confront me with the truth about myself, help me to see and resolve any unresolved issues, and help me always to walk on the path of truth. So help me God. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 51:6 (NKJV).

2. See John 2:24-25.

3. See John 8:44.

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I Think God Hates Me

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A Daily Encounter reader writes: “I believe in God but I have to tell you at times I think God hates me. I feel like I must have done something bad. It seems in my life, when it rains it pours. I take two steps forward I go two steps back. Can you please help me to understand?”

Dear Jane (name changed), as I often tell people when it comes to trying to understand and resolve personal problems: “The problem is never the problem.” By this I mean that, more often than not, the problem we see isn’t the problem that is. What we usually see is the symptom of the problem, but not the root cause. To resolve the problem it is imperative that we face and resolve the root cause/s.

Because, at times, you feel that God hates you sounds as if, in your past, you may have felt that a significant male hated you. I wonder if you may have had a confusing relationship with your father when you were growing up and never felt certain whether or not he loved you. I say this because we tend to project onto God, our Heavenly Father, exactly how we feel or felt towards our earthly father.

If a person had a close, loving and warm relationship with his or her father and felt loved and affirmed by him, it is very easy to feel close to and loved and affirmed by God. But if she had a distant relationship with her father, or never felt truly loved or affirmed by him, chances are that she won’t feel close to God either—and at times feel that he doesn’t love her—or even hates her. I know because I had to resolve this issue in my own life having come from a very dysfunctional family background and can’t ever remember feeling close to my father.

So how do you overcome and resolve these disturbing feelings?

First, I suggest that you earnestly pray that God will reveal to you the truth of your feelings; that is, the root cause of your feeling that sometimes God hates you. Keep in mind that once you clearly see the root cause, you can then see what you need to do to resolve your problem. As the greatest teacher of all times once said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”1 Without access to the truth, there is no healing or recovery, and we stay “stuck” in our situation.

Second, if these feelings run deep, chances are you may need to see a capable Christian counselor to help you resolve the root cause of your problem. For counseling resources visit the https://learning.actsweb.org/counseling_resources.php website.

Third, every day remind yourself of this truth—regardless of how you feel—a truth for which you can be 100 percent certain: No matter what you have ever done or have failed to do God loves you (and always will) totally, fully and unconditionally. And daily thank God for his unfailing love.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that when ‘I have unresolved personal issues, you give me symptoms.’ In all of my struggles please give me the courage and help I need to see and confront the root cause or causes of my problem, and to find the help I need to overcome. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

NOTE: The issue we have addressed in this Daily Encounter points out the critical need and importance for a father’s love and affirmation of every child during their formative years. We ignore this divine principle to the peril of our children and their generation.

1. Jesus Christ in John 8:32.

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