Monthly Archives: November 2011

Masculinity

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“Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.”1

“Dear Dick,” a reader writes, “I am a single 38-year-old woman and many people ask why I’m not married? I tell them, ‘I just haven’t found the right one yet.’ However, if I find someone like my dad who was warm and open and a real gentleman, I will have a change in plans. Such men are a rare find in these times.”

Dear Jessica (name changed), I’ve taught seminars on relationships for a number of years, and one of the most repeated questions I am asked by both single and married women is, “Where are the men who understand my feelings and express theirs; that is, who can communicate at a feeling level?”

Sadly, our Western culture has by and large conditioned men pretty much to be in denial regarding our inner self (our feelings and motives). It happens to a lesser degree with women, but we certainly need a totally different view of what true manhood and masculinity is. For a starter, regarding men my belief is that one of our greatest strengths is to admit our weaknesses (then we can do something about them), and that being macho (pretending to be strong) has nothing to do with masculinity. Being macho is a symptom of being out of touch with our inner self (feelings and motives), and is one of our biggest weaknesses, and a cover-up and denial of our insecurity.

Genuine masculinity and true strength start with being ruthlessly honest with our inner feelings and motives. Admittedly, this can be like learning a whole new language, but learn it we must if we want to communicate effectively with our wife, children, and close friends and therein greatly enhance our relationships.

Masculinity also involves being courteous, kind, loving, warm, gentle, non-controlling, exercising tough love when called for, and just plain being real. In other words it means being like Jesus. We can learn a lot about him by studying the Gospels and noting how Jesus related to others; how he dealt with people who ripped off others, and with hypocrisy, which he condemned vigorously. One thing is certain, Jesus was always real.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me in all of life to speak truly, deal truly, and live truly so that I will become more and more in every way like Jesus—an authentic Christian gentleman. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 51:6 (NIV).

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Your Key Is Still in the Ignition

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“The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron.”1

Some time ago I read the following story in Focus on the Family magazine about a man who bought a car that had replaced warning lights with spoken instructions from a woman.

In a soft voice, his little woman, as he called her, would say, “Your door isn’t closed properly.” “Your key is still in the ignition.” “Your seatbelt isn’t fastened properly.”

On one occasion, he recalled how the voice of his little woman said, “Your fuel level is getting low.”

The driver thanked her and, figuring he had sufficient fuel to take him fifty more miles, ignored the voice and kept driving. Soon his little woman repeated, “Your fuel level is low.” The longer he drove, the more his little woman repeated her warning.

Getting frustrated, he stopped his car, searched under the dashboard, and found the appropriate wires. One quick jerk and his little woman was silenced.

Imagine the look on his face when, a few minutes later, his car sputtered and jerked to a standstill—out of fuel! One could almost imagine a grin on his little woman’s face!

We all have a little voice within. It’s called conscience. It can get very annoying at times, too. Sometimes we “pull its wires” and, too late, we discover we are “out of fuel.”

One danger, when we ignore the voice of our conscience and don’t live according to our convictions, is that our mind experiences what counselors call “cognitive dissonance.” That is, mental disharmony. Because this is too uncomfortable to live with, we switch off our conscience.

When we do this often enough, our mind not only switches off the voice of conscience but turns up the volume on the voice of rationalization and justification.

The sad fact is that if we don’t live the life we believe, we end up unhappily believing the life we live. The Bible calls this having a seared conscience. It is a dangerous and self-destructive path to follow.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to realize the danger of switching off the voice of conscience and justifying what I want to do. Please help me to live the life I believe—a life that is lived in harmony with your will and your Word. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 1 Timothy 4:1-2 (NIV).

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