The “Yes-but” Disease

“Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’”1

In his weekly Character Counts series, Michael Josephson wrote, “Years ago I was talking to a group of Army generals about the way politicians often treat the defense budget as an all-purpose public works fund to help bring money into their districts. One general admitted, ‘Yes, if the chairman of the Appropriations Committee comes from a place that makes trucks, we’re probably going to buy those trucks. That’s the way it is, the way it always was, and the way it always will be.’

“I suggested that it was a form of bribery to buy the trucks just to please the politician. The general barked, ‘It’s not bribery. It’s extortion!’

“‘Don’t sound so powerless,’ I replied. ‘You’re a GENERAL!’

“Without skipping a beat, he answered, ‘Yeah, but I’m only a one-star.’”2

How many times do you and I make the “Yeah, but…” excuse to avoid personal responsibility? And how many times do we try to make it sound like we are agreeing with someone by saying, “Yes, but …” when all the time we are meaning “No”?

It’s a thought worth pondering … and a practice worth dropping.

As Edward Everett Hale said, “It’s true I am only one, but I am one. And the fact that I can’t do everything will not prevent me from doing what I can do.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from the ‘yes, but’ disease and help me to become an ethical, responsible person remembering that character does count. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Matthew 5:37 (NIV).

2. Michael Josephson, “I’m Only a One-Star,” Character Counts, 384.4.

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Persistence

“It is God himself, in his mercy, who has given us this wonderful work [of telling his Good News to others], and so we never give up.”1

Glen Weber wrote how “the first transcontinental flight across the country from New York, NY, to Long Beach, California was completed by American aviation pioneer Cal P. Rodgers in an early Wright flyer called the Vin Fiz after a soft drink company that sponsored the trip. On September 17, 1911, he left Sheepshead Bay at Brooklyn, NY, and arrived in California on December 10, 1911, 84 days later. Rodgers actual time in the air was 3 days, 10 hours and 14 minutes. The airplane was forced down by weather and mechanical failure more than 30 times resulting in ‘light crashes’ to crashes that required major repairs. When Rodgers landed in Long Beach, the only original parts on the airplane were the rear rudder and the oil pan on the engine. I would have given up the first time I lost my wings.”2

That’s determination and persistence! Obviously Cal Rodgers had a mission that he was determined to fulfill and a goal he planned to reach. Men and women like this are the ones who make things happen. They never give up.

As Christians who have the Good News of the gospel—the greatest news and message in all the world—we need to be more determined than ever to live and spread the gospel message especially in this day of ever increasing terrorism motivated by false religion, and an ever-increasing moral decline promoted by those who are determined to tear down all moral standards as set by God for the good of all mankind.

As the Apostle Paul said, “It is God himself, in his mercy, who has given us this wonderful work [of telling his Good News to others], and so we never give up!” An excellent admonition for every day of the year.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please open the eyes of my understanding so I will clearly see and understand fully all that is happening in today’s world that seeks to destroy Christianity and all that your Word teaches (including the killing of Christians), and do everything in my power to live for you, to demonstrate my faith in my daily life, and do all I can to spread the Good News of the gospel to my neighbors and to the far ends of the earth. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. 2 Corinthians 4:1(TLB)(NLT).

2. By Rev. Glen Weber, Spirit of Grace Fellowship www.spiritofgracefellowship.org.

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Quality of Life

“Then he said to them, ‘Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.’”1

“In The Death of Ethics in America, Cal Thomas quotes a letter written to the Washington Post in the mid ’80s. ‘I’ve lived both lives, Yuppie and non-Yuppie,’ the writer said. ‘In the first, I was married to a professional woman and on our dual incomes we Club Med-ed, sports car-raced, alpine skied and Kennedy Centered our 14-year marriage into oblivion.

“I’m now 42, remarried to a woman who gave up her ‘professional’ career to provide full-time care for our one- and five-year-old daughters, and living in Gaithersburg, Maryland—on one salary. Trips to Australia and Europe, Saturday night dining at Nathan’s, and Wolf Trap concerts are distant memories. Vacations are now taken in our nine-year-old used pop-up camper, and dining out means ‘Hooray! Daddy’s bringing home a pizza.’ We’ve just started into the second round of … one hundred readings of Pat the Bunny for our one-year-old. Satisfaction level in my first life measured about 2 on the 10 scale. Measured now, satisfaction is about 9.5.’”2

One thing is certain, money can’t buy happiness, satisfaction, love or loving relationships. These qualities come from within and are greatly determined by our values and attitudes. There’s nothing wrong with money in and of itself. It’s what we do with it that counts. As God’s Word said, it was “the love of money” that was “a root of all kinds of evil.”3

With noble values one can do noble deeds with his or her money. It’s a case of motives: Do we possess our possessions or do our possessions possess us?

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of trying to keep up with the Joneses and putting material possessions first in my life. Help me to have a healthy attitude towards money and possessions, earn what I can within reason, and contribute sacrificially, generously, and wisely to worthwhile causes—especially causes that help my fellow man and bring glory to your name. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 12:15 (NIV).

2. Michael Josephson in Character Counts. www.charactercounts.org

3. 1 Timothy 6:10 (NIV).

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Victimology vs Personal Responsibility

“So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.”1

Chuck Colson reports in Breakpoint how Gregg Easterbrook in his book, The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse, says that there is as much as a “ten-fold increase in unipolar depression in industrial nations in the postwar era.”

After giving one or two other reasons for this increase Colson says, “Another mistaken idea contributing to depression is the ‘postwar teaching of victimology and helplessness.’ Intellectuals, politicians, tort lawyers, and the media have worked to identify and designate new classes of victims. As Martin Seligman [of the University of Pennsylvania] notes, more and more Americans identify themselves as victims of one sort or another. The result is a sense of helplessness. Americans, especially the young, claim to have less and less control over their lives at the same time that they enjoy unprecedented personal freedom.”2

As I’ve reported on several occasions, in my experience having taught in divorce recovery and relationship classes over the past couple of decades, one of the biggest causes I have seen for failure in relationships is this victim mentality. At least 90 percent of divorcees and those in failed relationships I have worked with primarily blame their partner for their unresolved conflicts, while failing to admit that they shared equal responsibility (even if it was just being too passive and/or too codependent).

Furthermore, almost none even consider what flaw it was in them that caused them to be attracted to their partner in the first place. The reality is we are as sick as the people we are attracted to [or as healthy]. Sadly, as long as people play this blame-game, they will never recover. Even worse, they will continue to repeat their past mistakes. It’s either resolution or repetition.

“Up to a point a man’s life is shaped by environment, heredity, and movements and changes in the world about him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, their times, lack of good fortune, or the quirks of fate. Everyone has it within his power to say, ‘This I am today; that I will be tomorrow.’”3

Or we could put it this way, “This is the way I am today. That, by the grace of God, is what I will be tomorrow.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please deliver me from ever playing the blame-game. Help me always to look for and discover whatever I have or am contributing to any conflict I happen to find myself in. And then, when admitting my problem, please lead me to the help I need to overcome. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Romans 14:12 (NIV).

2. Breakpoint, August 26, 2004 http://www.breakpoint.org/bp-home

3. Louis L’Amour.

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Freedom and Responsibility

“Why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written: ‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’ So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.”1

Margaret Thatcher, former Prime Minister of England, said, “I remember being taught by my parents from my earliest childhood, that the one thing about being British was you did not have to be told what to do. You rose to your responsibilities and took the initiative. Religious belief played a fundamental part in shaping that character because, whether you take the Old Testament or the New Testament, it puts the emphasis on the dignity and responsibility of the individual. You are accountable because you have freedom.”

We, too, have freedom which is a priceless privilege. However, some people, because of this freedom, seem to think they can do as they please both before man and God. As such they are not free, but are in bondage to their own selfishness and passions. They are also boundary busters with little or no respect for other peoples’ person, property, or principles. They have confused liberty with license forgetting that the price of freedom is still eternal vigilance—which includes moral and ethical responsibility.

If we abuse our privileges, ultimately we lose them.

With freedom comes responsibility and with responsibility, accountability. We are accountable to our fellow man and above all we are accountable to God. As today’s Scripture says, “For we must all stand before God’s judgment seat … [and] each of us will give an account of himself to God.”

Suggested Prayer; “Dear God, please help me to so live that I will always act responsibly, that my life will always bring glory to your name, and that I will not be ashamed when I stand before you face to face and give an account of how I lived my life here on earth. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Romans 14:10-12 (NIV).

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Fickle or Faithful Friends

“A friend loves at all times.”1

It’s an old story but well worth repeating. It’s about Babe Ruth who was one of the all-time greats of American baseball. For years he had been the idol of sports fans. Time, however, took its toll. I read how, in one of his last games, he began to falter. He struck out and made several misplays that allowed the opposing team to score five runs in one inning. As he walked from the field, he was greeted with an enormous storm of boos and catcalls from the stands. Fans shook their fists.

Then a little boy jumped over the railing and, with tears running down his cheeks ran out to the great athlete. Unashamedly, he flung his arms around his hero’s legs and held on tightly. Babe Ruth picked him up, hugged him, set him down, and together the two of them walked off the field hand in hand.

A poet wrote:

I went out to find a friend,

But could not find one there.

I went out to be a friend,

And friends were everywhere!

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be a faithful friend at all times. And thank you that your friendship for me is never based on my performance—good or bad—and that you love me at all times no matter what. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Proverbs 17:17.

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Trust God but Keep Your Powder Dry

“For nothing is impossible with God.”1

D. K., in responding to a Daily Encounter in which I said that we need to be realistic and not underestimate what God can do through us, responded by saying, “The Bible reveals that nothing is impossible with God. If he chooses to do through us things that are far beyond our imagination or faith, he is sovereign and can do those things. So don’t you mean, ‘let’s not underestimate what God WILL do through us?’”

D. K. continues, “But, of course, I understand your point and in this regard I have used an illustration from my years of working in the Great Sahara Desert in North Africa. There are about a half-dozen types of sand there and each affects the driving of a vehicle differently. Power steering is necessary, especially on the larger trucks. If we spot an area of soft sand ahead and need to change the direction of the truck to avoid getting stuck, we can turn the steering wheel with one finger.

“However, it isn’t the power of our finger that changes the direction we are going, but rather it is the power steering. And yet we can’t sit back in the seat of the cab and expect the power steering in and of itself to move the big wheels in the right direction. We need to put forth our hand and grab the wheel and turn it. Similarly, with our lives, we can’t change the direction we are going (even if we see the dangers ahead) by sitting back and expecting God’s ‘power steering’ to alter our course. We must reach out and grab the wheel and turn! But it’s God’s power that alters the course.”

Good point. Of this we can be certain, whenever we fulfill our responsibility and do our part, God will always do his part. Or as George Washington once said to his soldiers who were about the cross the Potomac River, “Trust God but keep your powder [rifles] dry.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your Holy Spirit which empowers me to live my life in harmony with your will. Help me always to depend on your power and not try to live for or serve you in my own strength. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 1:37 (NIV).

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Conquering What?

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”1

Stephen Muncherian, in his sermon, “Oh, For One Good Lawyer” told about former heavy-weight boxer, James “Quick” Tillis, a cowboy from Tulsa, Oklahoma, who fought out of Chicago in the early 1980s. Tillis recalls how, on his first day in Chicago, after getting off the bus, he stood outside the Sears building and, putting his two suitcases down, looked up at the Tower and said to himself, “I’m going to conquer Chicago.” When he looked down, his two suitcases were missing!2

That’s Chicago! Having lived there when I went to college and looked up at and been to the top of the Sears Tower, I can empathize with Tillis.

We can be confident, excited, and positive one moment and be disillusioned the next. That’s life. We live in a broken, sinful world and disappointments come to us all. We put our trust in people and get ripped off. We get hurt deeply when someone we love turns against and attacks us. We get our hearts broken when we are abandoned, rejected, or have lost a loved one through death.

Pain comes to us all. The important thing is that we don’t allow these circumstances to make us resentful and bitter. God wants to use these situations to help us grow and make us better persons. Satan wants to use them to discourage us and make us bitter. Indeed, the negative circumstances of life can make us bitter or better. The choice is ours.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, no matter what happens to me help me always to remember that while it rains on the just as well as the unjust my life is ultimately in your hands, and that all things do work together for good to those who love and put their trust in you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Romans 8:28 (NIV).

2. Adapted from the sermon, “Oh, For One Good Lawyer!” by Rev. Stephen Muncherian. Cited on www.spiritofgracefellowship.org.

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Believing Our Own Lies

“We have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.”1

“In 1970 a pregnant, unmarried woman sought to have the Texas anti-abortion statute, first enacted in the 1850s, declared unconstitutional. To protect her anonymity she was given the fictitious name Jane Roe. The initial action was against Henry Wade, District Attorney of Dallas County, Texas. Roe claimed that the statute was unconstitutionally vague and violated her right of privacy as guaranteed by the First, Fourth, Fifth, Ninth, and Fourteenth Amendments. The case was argued before the Supreme Court in December of 1971, re-argued in October of 1972. In January of 1973 the case was decided by the U.S. Supreme Court. A majority of 7 to 2 declared the Texas statute unconstitutional.”

Since then millions of unborn children have been aborted and we have descended all the way to accepting barbarian, murderous partial-birth abortion—at least it has been accepted and approved by some politicians, liberal judges, and far too many so-called progressive thinkers (who should in reality be called regressive thinkers).

I’m certainly thankful that abortion wasn’t legal when my mother was carrying me. And how about all those who are in favor of abortion? Did they want their mother to have freedom of choice when they were in her womb?

The point I’m making here is that if we distort the truth and keep repeating and promoting it for long enough, eventually it becomes more and more acceptable and we end up believing our own and others’ lies. It’s happened with abortion (which we now justify by calling it freedom of choice), and with homosexuality (which we name an alternate lifestyle). The promoters of gay marriage (which is so diametrically opposed to nature not to mention God’s design) know how this principle works, so we can be sure that they will continue to keep pushing, glorifying, dressing up and promoting gay marriage until it is eventually more widely accepted and believed in by the masses.

Unless we who call ourselves Christians—who are to be the salt of the earth—make a solid stand for truth and stand against those who distort God’s Word, little by little, like the frog in the kettle we will eventually boil ourselves to death. As I’ve been saying this week, the more dishonest we are, the more we will distort all other truth, including God’s truth, to make it say exactly what we want it to say. For the sake of our children and our children’s children, let us all take a stand for truth.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, again I pray that you will help me to be real and personally honest, to understand exactly what your Word says and teaches, and abide always by your truth even when it means swimming against the tide of the so-called politically correct masses. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

P.S. Jane Roe is anonymous no more. Norma McCorvey no longer supports abortion rights, and has a pro-life ministry at http://www.roenomore.org/.

1. 2 Corinthians 4:2 (NIV).

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Communication: Key to Effective Relationships Part II

“Above all, my brothers, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your ‘Yes’ be yes, and your ‘No,’ no, or you will be condemned.”1

If you are a parent, I’m sure you have noticed the profound difference in the response when you call your kids on a hot day to tend to their chores or call them to come in for their favorite cold drink and a chocolate ice cream!

We adults aren’t that much different … a little more subtle perhaps, but as the communicators remind us we all pretty much hear only what we want to hear and see only what we want to see. To complicate matters even more, because of selective distortion, we see things the way we want to see them. That is, we see things not the way they are but the way we are.

Selective distortion means that we distort messages to make them match our values and/or perception of reality. For example, the more dishonest I am with my inner self (my true emotions and motives), the more I will distort all messages to make them match my values and/or perception of reality. I will even distort God’s Word to make it say what I want it to say.

In other words we all see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear, see things the way we want to see them, distort them to make them match our perception of reality, and finally, because of selective retention, we remember only those things we want to remember—everything else is conveniently forgotten.

These dynamics happen not only in political races, but also at every level of society and affect all our relationships. While political campaigns fortunately pass, relationships are with us forever.

For effective relationships effective communication is vital. This includes avoiding the distortion of reality and speaking the truth truthfully as well as listening without distorting what we are hearing.

There are many words of advice one could give regarding how to communicate effectively, but the bottom line is this: be real! For instance, the more unreal or in denial I am (the more repressed and dishonest with my true emotions and motives), the more I will distort all facts, messages, and communications to make them match my perception of reality. On the other hand, the more real, honest, and truthful I am, the clearer I will see all other truth, including God’s truth, and the less I will distort these.

The fact remains, without access to the truth—including one’s own inner truth—there are no authentic relationships and no effective communications.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be real and always honest with my true emotions and motives. And please deliver me from any form of distortion when listening to others and in all that I say. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 5:12 (NIV).

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