Monthly Archives: March 2009

Faith Vs. Sincerity

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“Let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth … this man stands here before you whole … Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”1

One of my favorite illustrations about “misguided faith” comes from an advertising piece put out by a business firm. On it was glued a small seed with the claim that if you have as much faith in our business as you do in this mustard seed, you will be guaranteed great results.

Some months later a customer wrote back to the company saying, “You will be interested to know that I planted your mustard seed and it is now grown into a healthy plant bearing great tomatoes!”

I wonder how many times I’ve been hoodwinked by a less than honest sales person or manipulated by false advertising. Guess most of us have been at one time or another.

Of much greater significance is how many of us are deceived by the promoters of false religions.

Too many believe if they live a good life that will get them into heaven. Others, like I used to believe, believe that if they do enough good things to outnumber the bad things they’ve done, that will get them into God’s heaven. Others believe that as all roads lead to Rome so all religions lead to God. Not so. Such beliefs, no matter how sincere, couldn’t be farther from the truth.

The religious Pharisees of Christ’s day were zealots in their sincerity but were wrong—totally wrong—in that they missed the very Messiah (Savior) for whom they were looking because he didn’t come in the way or did what they expected him to do.

There are many religions today, too, that have very sincere zealots and religious people who are equally as wrong even though they sincerely believe that they have THE truth!

Jesus made it clear—very clear—that he was the only way to God. “I am the way, the truth, and the life,” Jesus stated emphatically. “No one comes to the Father except through Me.”2

And God’s Word, the Bible, affirms: “Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

And that name is Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God. Only in him can forgiveness of sins, salvation, and the gift of eternal life be found. Furthermore, had there been other ways to God, why on earth would Jesus have come to earth to suffer an incredibly excruciating death on the cross to pay the penalty of all your sins and mine?

The question we all need to ask ourselves, “Have I trusted Jesus as my Lord and Savior? To help you do this read the article, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian” at: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for Jesus and that my trust is only in him for my eternal salvation and a home in heaven to be with you forever. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Acts 4:10, 12 (NKJV).

2. John 14:6 (NKJV).

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The Lies We Tell Ourselves

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“When Jesus saw Nathaniel approaching, he said of him, “Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false [an honest man].”1

For several years I used to facilitate support groups. I remember one woman who repeatedly told us what a good husband she had while all the while we knew he was mistreating her something terribly. Over and over she would also tell us how honest she was.

Finally, I said to her as kindly as I could, “Florence (not her real name), if I have to tell you what a gentleman I am, you can be pretty sure I’m not. If I have to tell you how humble I am, you know I’ve already lost it. And if I have to keep telling you how honest I am ….”

Wow, she got really mad at me and stormed out of the room—which proved my point. Actually, she came back and we remained friends.

It’s amazing the lies we tell ourselves and the amount of denial we are in—in order to avoid facing the painful reality of the truth.

Jeffrey Gitomer agrees. He said, “My experience has shown me that if you have to say what you are, you probably aren’t. Think about that for a moment. ‘I’m honest,’ ‘I’m ethical,’ even ‘I’m the boss,’ or ‘I’m in charge,’ usually indicates just the opposite.”

What freedom and release we find when we have the courage to admit our faults, sins, and problems—not as a means to put ourselves down—but as a means to quit the merry-go-round trap of denial, and grow in love and maturity. It’s amazing what being honest and becoming real will do for improving our relationships—both with God and others! Denial is a mask to hide behind but masks can’t relate. Only real people can. Furthermore, only God can help us to the degree that we are honest with ourselves and with him. It’s the only way to live life to the full!

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to be open-faced, honest and real—with myself, others, and above all with you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. John 1:47 (NIV).

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Is God Punishing Me?

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“Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available….”1

A Daily Encounter reader asks, “Can you explain why I feel so miserable, guilty, and unhappy for not keeping my promise to God to quit smoking? I feel he is punishing me for failing and for breaking my promise.”

No, no, no, no, no!

God is not like that. He is not a “punishing” father like some earthly fathers—perhaps even like your father was when you were little. God is much bigger than that. It’s we ourselves who punish ourselves.

Quitting smoking, or any addiction—small or large—is not likely to happen by giving a promise to anyone, God included. The root cause of the addiction is the symptom of a deeper problem—also used as a means of avoiding the real issue. As the saying goes, symptoms are the fruit of a deeper root. Also, as another has said, “God is merciful, when we have unresolved problems, he gives us (or allows us to have) symptoms!”

Sure, it’s important not to neglect dealing with the symptom but God wants to heal us at the deeper lever, at the root cause of our problem. Symptoms need to be a wakeup call for us to get the help we need.

So, first of all, pray the right prayer. If you are struggling with an addiction or a bad habit, ask God to give you the insight and courage to see the cause/s behind the habit … why you started it in the first place. Also, is it an escape from facing some unresolved issue in your life? Ask God to confront you with the truth behind your problem—the root cause—no matter how painful this may be.

Second, ask God to lead you to the help you need to overcome, which may be both medical and psychological-counseling help, and to help you find a support, twelve-step, or an overcomers anonymous group—whatever it takes to help you overcome your problem so it will no longer overcome you.

And remember, if you confess your failure to God and ask for his forgiveness, he will always forgive, forgive, and forgive. Remember that Jesus said we were to forgive seventy-times-seven which mean forgiving without end. That’s the way God forgives us. This is not an excuse to behave as we like but an expression of God’s love when we genuinely want his help and deliverance.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that symptoms are often a sign of unresolved personal problems. About my bad habit of ________ (name it), if this is the fruit of a deeper root, please give me the insight to see the cause/s, the courage to confront it and admit it to you and at least one other trusting person, and the good sense to get the help I need to overcome it. And please lead me to the help I need so to do. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. James 5:16 (AMP).

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Listen to Your Heart

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“When you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.”1

Melody Beattie in her book, The Language of Letting Go, emphasizes the importance of contemplating what is on your mind first thing when you wake up in the morning. What is it in that half-asleep, half-awake place? Are you troubled about something? Is there some responsibility you have neglected that is bothering you? Is it a goal you’ve been planning on starting but keep putting off? Is it an unhealthy relationship you are in and you know you need to get out of it? Is it a destructive habit or sin that you feel convicted about?

What is on your mind at this time is coming from your inner self, your unconscious mind, or it may be coming from God’s Spirit. It may be revealing a truth you need to deal with. Listen to that inner voice—the voice of your heart—and do what you know you need to do about that issue that is troubling or challenging you. Don’t put it off. Take care of it each day.

We’re not talking about compulsive obsessive behavior but learning to discern the voice of one’s inner self and that of the leading of God’s Spirit.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, when my inner self or your Holy Spirit reminds me of something I need to fix, to start, to put right, or to do today, please help me to write it down so I don’t forget, and then do something about it that day. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 4:4 (NIV).

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Strike Three and You’re In

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“Then Peter came and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’”1

When I was a kid growing up I loved to play football (rugby, I might add), but was never into baseball. However, I did know what the saying “strike three and you’re out” meant. It meant if you missed hitting the third ball that was in, you were out!

Life can be like that too. If you keep missing the mark—of other’s expectations of you—pretty soon you discover that you are out—at least on the outside and no longer with the in-group. You end up feeling and believing that you are a loser.

And then you consistently set yourself up to lose because that’s what you believe you are—a loser.

The opposite is also true. If you believe that you are a winner, you will act in a winning manner. Even when you fail at something, you will use it as a lesson to improve what you do and move on to another success and thereby reinforce your belief that you are a winner.

In other words, if you believe you’re a loser, you will lose. Or if you believe you’re a winner, you will win!

However, if we feel we are a loser, little by little we can change our belief about ourselves by building on our successes—no matter how small they are—and not on our failures. Every one of us can do something well if we choose to—even if we start by doing a good job sweeping the kitchen floor and taking pride in the fact that we did a good job…and then keep repeating this practice with other chores.

Unfortunately, too many people have the belief that they are either too bad or not good enough for God to accept them and they feel that, to him, they are losers. Not so. With God you can strike out “seven times seventy” (ad infinitum) and you’re still not out—unless you allow yourself to be.

With God no matter what we have ever done or have failed to do or how many times we have failed, we never strike out with him. He loves us unconditionally. All we need to do is acknowledge the fact that Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sins, confess our sins and failures to God and ask for his forgiveness—and of course accept it with thanksgiving— and then little by little learn to forgive ourselves. That’s what you call hitting the greatest home run of all.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that I never strike out with you. Thank you, too, that you forgive all my sins and failures when I confess them to you. Help me always to remember that when I accept Jesus as my Savior, I am a child of the King and help me to truly believe this and live accordingly. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: If you have never confessed your sins/sinfulness to God and accepted his forgiveness, read, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian at: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9

1. Matthew 18:21-22 (NASB).

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Lessons from Trees

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“Whoever comes to Me [Jesus], and hears My sayings and does them…is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great.”1

Ravi Zacharias tells how when he and his family lived in “England some years ago a terrible windstorm hit much of the country. Amazingly, thousands of trees were felled in one night. Some days later we were walking outside Buckingham Palace and my wife noticed something very significant. While the trees themselves were huge and very tall, their roots were unbelievably shallow. We marveled at this seemingly inexplicable disproportion.” The reason was that the water level was close to the surface and the roots didn’t have to go deep to get their nourishment.

I have seen a similar thing happen in Southern California where many Australian gum or eucalyptus trees are grown. As this area is converted desert, all or many of these trees are watered by a drip or sprinkler system. Because the water is close to the surface, many of these trees don’t have a deep root system either and I have seen many of them fall in a wild windstorm after the ground was waterlogged.

Very different to gum trees growing up in the dry parts of Australia where they are forced to drive their roots down deep in order to survive. Their branches get broken in storms but rarely do any of the trees fall.

Furthermore, when I lived in South Australia at the top of the Adelaide hills where the winds blow furiously, I was advised to plant my trees while they were still small and not to stake them too tightly. They needed the freedom to bend and sway with the wind as this helped them develop a deep root system from their beginning in order to strengthen them when they had fully grown.

Or take the mighty redwood trees—magnificent trees that grow in Northern California and reach their leafy arms toward heaven—some of which were growing when Jesus walked on earth! Normally they receive good rains and have a sufficient water supply. These giants of the forest also have a very shallow root system but as they grow in groves, all their roots are intertwined so when the wild winds blow and the storms rage, they hang on to each other and hold each other up.

The same is true of us. In order to survive the storms of life we need to develop a deep root system that is anchored solidly in our faith in God—the one in whom we trust implicitly. And like the mighty redwoods, if we want to grow strong and healthy, we need the support of one another, for none of us can make it alone and weren’t created to do so. As God’s word also says “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together.”2

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your Word and its instructions for life. Help me to live by these principles so that I will have deep roots built on a solid foundation and can say with the hymn writer, ‘On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.’ Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Luke 6:47-49 (NKJV).

2. Hebrews 10:25 (NKJV).

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No Condemnation

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“When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the [adulterous] woman, He said to her, ‘Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said to her, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”1

To me there is no more beautiful picture of God’s unconditional, non-judgmental, non-shame-based, yet non-condoning love than in the example where the religious people brought the woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus (as seen in today’s Scripture passage).

In those days the penalty for adultery was death by stoning—a terrifying situation for this woman to be in. But for the life of me I can’t even begin to imagine how a woman could be caught alone in the act of adultery! This was because this occasion was a setup to trap Jesus—and the “accusation stones” hidden in the accusers’ pockets were to throw at Jesus rather than at the adulterous woman!

“The Law of Moses says,” these jealous religious guilt-throwing-shame-based-hypocrites said to Jesus, “that this woman must be stoned to death. What do you say?” No matter what he answered, they believed they had him trapped and would find him guilty. If he said she should be stoned to death, they could accuse him of having no mercy. If he said she should not be stoned to death, they could accuse him of breaking the Law of Moses.

Jesus’ answer was brilliant, “Yes,” he said, “the Law of Moses says she should be stoned to death. So go head and kill her!” But before they had a chance to move a finger, Jesus added, “And let the man who has never sinned be the first one to cast a stone!”

Thud! The silence was deafening as one by one those religious bigots, like frightened, guilt-ridden puppy dogs tucked their religious tails between their legs and slinked away as quickly as they could.

Jesus then asked the woman, “Where are your accusers now?” To which she replied, “They’ve all gone, Lord” Then Jesus made a profound statement, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”

Not always of course, but some people commit adultery (and/or fornication) because they are looking for love in all the wrong places. Chances are that this woman was loved and accepted by a man (Jesus) for the first time in her life—loved for whom she was and not for what she had to offer lustful men. Jesus’ acceptance of her and his giving her total unconditional love would free her from a life of sin. This is why Jesus could say to her, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more, or go and leave your life of sin.” Notice, he did not condone her sinful behavior, but neither did he condemn her. Again, it was Jesus’ unconditional love that would set her free from her sinful behavior.

God is never about condemning us, making us feel guilty, or making us feel ashamed. It’s people who do that to us—including some religious people. God wants to forgive us and set us free from a life of sin. So we, too, need to come to Jesus and receive his unconditional, non-judgmental, and non-condoning love. It’s there for “Whosever will may come.”

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for your unconditional love for me and that you have provided a way of escape from the consequences of my sin by giving your Son, Jesus, to die in my place to pay the just penalty for my sins. Please help me to love and accept myself and others the same way that you love and accept me. Deliver me from any sinful ways and help me to live always to glorify you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Note: For further help, if you have never confessed your sins/sinfulness to God and accepted his unconditional love, read, “How to Be Sure You’re a Real Christian at: http://tinyurl.com/8glq9

1. John 8:8-11 (NKJV).

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Healing Shame That Binds

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“Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”1

Go to any supermarket where a parent is busy shopping and their child is being obnoxious or feels he or she is being ignored by the parent. Some of the put-down, shame-based criticisms these children receive make your blood curdle.

Listen to the angry tone of voice as the parent blurts out: “You bad boy! If you don’t stop your noise, I will take you outside and .…” If they are getting this kind of treatment in public, you can imagine what they are receiving at home: “You terrible girl…shame on you…you wicked, bad person .…”

When a child receives a continual dose of any shame-based accusations, he eventually believes that that is the kind of person he is and continues to feel this way throughout his adult life unless he gets the help he needs to resolve his damaged self-concept.

Another terribly shame-based group of people are those who have been physically and, especially, sexually abused in childhood or youth. Sex, to many of them, has become a dirty, repulsive thing and because they have sexual feelings, they often feel dirty and ashamed of themselves. This is such a tragedy because they never sinned but were grievously sinned against.

So how do we overcome a shame-based self-concept?

First, continually remind yourself that God loves you just as you are and that he has totally forgiven all your sins that you have confessed to him. Keep reminding yourself of this—regardless of how you feel. This kind of repetition helps re-program your faulty belief system. Many a time when I was feeling shame-based, I said over and over to myself, “God loves and accepts me as I am so I love and accept me as I am.” This kind of repetition (with feeling) programs truth (or lies) into our deeper mind and belief system.

Second, realize that we were damaged in damaging relationships and get healed in healing relationships. So, with God’s help, seek out a trusted friend (a skilled counselor if necessary) with whom you can trust your very soul. Little by little start to open up to this person and share all your shame-based feelings and all your failures. This needs to be with a non-judgmental, non-advice-giving-wanting-to-fix-you person. It needs to be someone who knows you fully and accepts you totally. Through their loving acceptance of you just as you are, little by little you learn to love and accept yourself. This does take time.

I know this can be threatening because many of us feel that if we are known for whom we truly are, we won’t be liked, let alone loved. But this is a false belief. The fact is we can only be loved to the degree that we are known. But again, it is very important that we never open up to a shame-based, judgmental person.

Third, realize, too, that love is a feeling to be learned. When we are born, we have the capacity to love, but how to love is learned. If we grow up in an angry environment, we will learn to be angry or, if in a fearful environment, we will learn to be fearful. But if we grow up in a loving environment, we will learn to be loving. We love by first being loved. Unfortunately, what we didn’t receive as a child, we need to receive now. That’s the way God created us and he doesn’t go against his own design.

As the Bible says, “We love God because he first loved us.” The same principle applies to people—we love others because someone needs to first love us.” And, as already noted, as we open up and are totally honest to a safe, non-judgmental loving person, little by little learn to love ourselves in a healthy sense. This then frees us to work on overcoming our failures. As long as we hide our sins and faults, we are never free resolve them.

Remember the words of David who sinned grievously: “Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”2

We too can find the same freedom from guilt…false-guilt…and shame.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you again that you know me exactly as I am inside and out…and love me still. Lead me to the help I need so I can learn to love and accept myself the same way and be freed from all my guilt and shame. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Psalm 32:5 (NLT).

2. Ibid.

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Overcoming False Guilt

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“To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, ‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’”1

Yesterday we explained the difference between real guilt, false guilt, and shame. Today we address the question of how we can be freed from false guilt.

Because the feelings of false guilt (and shame) have been conditioned over many years, we don’t undo or re-condition them overnight.

First, however, we need to recognize what is real guilt and godly sorrow, and what is false guilt. As Jesus pointed out, when we are his true followers we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free.

When someone is using false guilt; that is, trying to manipulate us to feel guilty if we don’t do what they want us to do, we need to recognize their game and refuse to allow them to control us—regardless of how we feel. It will take a while to master this and you will probably begin to feel angry at that person and yourself for letting yourself be controlled. However, the more you resist this kind of control, the stronger you will become and the better you will feel about yourself.

A good response to “guilt throwers” is to say kindly, “You’re not trying to make me feel guilty are you?”

Of course they will deny it, but if you stop being a “guilt catcher,” “guilt throwers” will eventually stop throwing their “guilt trip” at you—and throw it to others who don’t recognize their devious manipulation.

A good place to begin practicing saying “No” is to insensitive high-pressure sales people because you are not emotionally involved with them.

When dealing with “guilt throwers” again, the key is to recognize their ploy or tactic and simply say “no” to what they want you to do if you don’t want to do it. The more you exercise your “no-muscle” with “guilt-throwers” the stronger in character you will become and the easier it will be to say no to those who want you to do things you don’t want to do.

I love the country-western song that says to a pushy unwelcome suitor, “What part of NO don’t you understand?”

Overcoming shame is a different challenge because shame has been programmed into your self-concept. We’ll deal with this in our next Daily Encounter.

To be continued.…

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me the insight to recognize when someone is trying to lay a guilt trip on me, and give me the courage to say no to them in a kindly fashion—so that I will become stronger in character—and not a guilt-thrower myself. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. John 8:31-32 (NIV).

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Guilty or Not Guilty

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“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”1

“Why do I feel so guilty when I haven’t done anything wrong,” someone asks. Another asks, “Even when I have asked God to forgive me for things I have done wrong, why do I still feel awful?”

I think these are questions many struggle with. I certainly have in the past. The problem lies in the confusion between real guilt, false guilt, and shame.

First, let me again qualify real guilt. In the Bible and in our society guilt is a legal term. If we have disobeyed God or the law of the land, we are guilty whether we feel guilty or not. The appropriate emotional response for when we have done wrong in biblical terms is godly sorrow. This is the way we rightly feel when we have sinned and done wrong. If we don’t, we may have a dulled or dead conscience. However, at least in our Western society, we tend to think of guilt as an emotional response, so that’s the way I will address it here.

With real guilt, as we said yesterday, when we confess our sin and wherever possible put wrongs right, we should no longer feel guilty. God forgives us and we are no longer under condemnation. If we still feel guilty, chances are it is false guilt and/or shame.

True guilt says you have done bad (or badly). False guilt makes you feel bad even when you are not guilty. And shame says you are bad; that is, a bad person. The latter two are both psychologically damaging and are conditioned or learned responses.

For example, some children grow up in families where guilt is used as a means of control. That is, the message (usually non-verbal) is communicated that if you do what I want you to do; behave the way I want you to behave; conform to my wishes; and for some, if you believe what I want you to believe, I will give you my love and approval. If the child doesn’t conform, love and approval are withheld and the child is made to feel guilty. This kind of love is called conditional love, which isn’t love at all. It’s control. And tragically, false guilt is often used in religious circles to get adherents to conform to leaders’ dictatorial control—and people who don’t conform are made to feel guilty. This is false guilt.

On the other hand, if a child grows up with a condemning family and constantly gets the message, “Shame on you … you are such a bad boy (or girl),” over time this message is programmed into his unconscious mind and he comes to believe deep down that he is a bad, shameful person. So when things go wrong—even if he isn’t responsible for it—his shame-based belief about himself is triggered and he feels wretched.

So how are we freed from false guilt and shame?

To be continued.…

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you that when I confess my sins to you, you forgive me and I am no longer condemned because you paid the penalty for me for all my sins. Please help me to know and feel the freedom as a result of sins forgiven. If I still feel bad, please help me to see if I am struggling with false guilt and/or shame. If so, lead me to the help I need to overcome this problem. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. Romans 8:1-2 (NIV).

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